The TOP QUESTIONS A Narcissist CAN’T ANSWER! (Spot The Narcissist) | Dr. Ramani
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Published 2022-08-03
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On Today's Episode:
There are some statistics that report 1 in 4 women have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner, while other stats report more than 40% of women in emotionally abusive relationships.
When you think of dating and being in a relationship with a romantic partner, Dr. Ramani reminds us in this episode that safety should be a high priority and concern. Neglecting the importance of safety and disregarding red flags that she and Lisa discuss in this episode can easily lead to patterns and behaviors that are unwanted, unsafe, and painful to escape with time.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a repeat guest and favorite on Women of Impact. She’s a clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic traits and behaviors.
This conversation is about breaking the silence and helping women to reclaim the power we’ve lost and handed over to the wrong people in our lives.
“Evil enters like a needle and spreads like an oak tree” - Dr. Ramani
Check out Dr. Ramani’s new podcast, Navigating Narcissism: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/navigating-narcissis…
Take a look at Dr. Ramani’s Monthly Healing Program: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p/taking-yourself-back…
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Dr. Ramani
0:07 | Questions That Raise Red Flags
6:54 | Are They Really Interested?
10:02 | Know Your Personal Red Flags
16:16 | How Narcissists Test Easy Targets
19:28 | Narcissistic Love Is This…
28:14 | Narcissists Don’t Support Your Success
35:24 | A Relationship Based in Fear
39:30 | Being Crushed by Narcissists
45:25 | Losing “Friends” to Narcissistic Lies
52:38 | Recognize the Isolation Game
56:33 | How to End A Narcissistic Relationship
1:00:03 | Who Gets Sucked In By Narcissists?
1:03:44 | Narcissistic Family Systems
1:07:18 | Helping Someone in Narcissistic Relationship
1:16:17 | What Works For Your Dating Life?
1:23:07 | Stop Giving Your Power Away!
QUOTES:
“It’s almost less of what the narcissist is doing and more of the story we’re telling ourselves about what they are doing.” [0:42]
“What narcissistic people are really skilled at is learning everything about you so they can outplay you.” [6:16]
“For all the damn time people spend in gyms, I would love it if people would actually spend time strengthening their boundaries.” [9:24]
“My red flags aren’ always someone else’s. Sure there’s the universal ones, but beyond that they tend to be really personal.” [13:02]
“For a narcissistic person it’s a very shallow experience. It’s about validation, it’s about attention, it’s about admiration, it’s about short-term pleasure, […] that’s what they mean by love.” [19:48]
“When we talk about love, we talk about romance, we talk about fun, we talk about sex, what we don’t talk enough abut is safety.” [24:35]
“You’ve got to judge the relationship on those bad days, not the good days, and too many people judge narcissistic relationship on the good days.” [27:01]
“I’d argue that fear is the heart of the narcissistic relationship, [...] you’re constantly afraid of doing, or saying, or being the wrong thing.” [35:32]
“Don’t go D.E.E.P., [...] don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, and don’t personalize.” [40:57]
“Friends and other social relationships are an essential part of a healthy human being.” [53:42]
“As their friend and supporter you can’t get invested in the outcome. All you can be invested in is being a good friend to them. [1:10:24]
“Different people make different deals with the devil.” [1:10:53]
“The world has suffered from people being so crushed by these relationships.” [1:25:38]
Follow Dr. Ramani Durvasula:
Website: doctor-ramani.com/
YouTube: youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula
Twitter: twitter.com/DoctorRamani
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Facebook: www.facebook.com/doctorramani
Podcast: doctor-ramani.com/podcasts-feat-dr-ramani/
All Comments (21)
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How do you protect yourself from narcissists?
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“You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”✨☘️🙏
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I’m eternally grateful for my narcissistic ex. I now have discernment to the point of being psychic. Learn what you’re supposed to from these relationships.
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I think paying attention to your body is so underrated, when you feel something is off even if you can't intellectually figure out what it is, THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE WRONG
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"You've got to judge the relationship on its bad days, not on its good days." - Bingo! That really got to me...
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One of my favorite lines from the Narc, "Noone will ever love you like I do". My reply: Thank God!
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"They don't want you to be strong ,they don't want you to succeed,they don't want you to be independent . Narcissm is all about dominance ,power and control ."
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"Tell me the story of you." ... Every narcissist I've met has asked me a similar question. Narcissists want to find out as much about you as they can, without sharing about themselves; so they can mirror you, and learn how to love bomb you. My reply to questions like this, is, 'I'm not here to monologue, let's have a conversation instead'. I guarantee they will not be able to have a simple conversation because they haven't weaseled enough info out of you to be able to mirror you. If he/she cannot hold up half of a conversation, walk away.
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When someone starts putting me on a pedestal it raises red flags. If someone is overly flattering it’s very suspicious!
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When she said “Do you feel safe?” ..gave me chills. I stayed in a abusive, narcissistic relationship for 10 years. I knew I wasn’t safe, I knew it wasn’t love, yet I stayed and it took soooooo long for me to come to my senses. It’s been 1year since I’ve left my abuser and the healing process is both painful & rewarding.
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My narcissistic soon to be ex-husband has been my greatest teacher in this life so far. What I mean by that is that he taught me that just because I’m confident doesn’t mean I love myself. He taught me all the ways I don’t love myself and open my eyes to the betrayal of myself that I put myself through in this relationship. He is the reason I will never betray myself again. This is the biggest lesson and one of the most important lessons of my life.
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I learned that you should not have to ask to be respected. If you have to ask, that's not a reflection of your worth. It's a reflection of their character. Then you move on. No compromise. Be safe & happy, all you beautifuls. 💕
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One thing to be careful of is don’t assume someone is a narcissistic just because they talk about themselves. Many autistic and/or adhd people do this as a way of trying to relate or communicate with others.
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I've seen people go from strong, confident, studying, have friends and good body....years later after being with a narcissist they lose friends, too tired and stressed to study, gain weight and become isolated.
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I’m a pediatrician and my narcissistic dad is always putting me down by acting like he knows more about pediatrics. When I complained about it to my mother, she literally said (in defense of him) “well, it’s hard for him to see his children grow up and realize that they don’t need him anymore and that they may know more than him.” Scary. As a mother myself, I’d love it if my children are smarter and better than me!
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Can't we JUST call narcissists what they really are DEMONS
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My first thought was, "No" they don't mean true love when they say they love you. My experience is that actions speak louder than words. One of the best ways to know if they love you is by how they treat you. Period. One of the best things a psychologist said to me when I said, "Well, I know my husband loves me." The psychologist said, "Consider this, OJ Simpson loved his wife too." Eye opening for me. Helped me to walk away from him.
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They punish you with silent treatments, they pull back & withhold intimate moments & sex, they mock us & treat us passive aggressive. Not a safe feeling. Ty
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Holy hell, I can see why I’m such easy prey for narcissists. I share things about myself really easily, and never really think it’s going to affect me.
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I finally cut contact with my mom at 66. I have memories as early as 8 years old of this narcissistic behaviour. She would always tell me I was her favourite, but I was also the butt of thousands of narcissistic behaviors. Unfortunately, other family members thought I was being a problem child and took her side," oh, that's just mom". She passed away in Feburary and I didn't go to her funeral. All I felt was sadness for her not loving me in a " normal" mom way, anger, and a huge feeling of relief.
