Do Comedy and Grief go Together?

I have just lived thru three weeks of intense grief commemorating the death of my mother ten years ago, the loss of our unborn child 2+ decades ago, which I am now able to reframe as the Lord taking our child directly to be with Him, and the death of my husband, on Mother's Day in 2021...Three emotionally charged weeks, which will come each year for the rest of my life. But I'm realizing that the anticipation of it all is actually worse than the experience! As a church musician who plays organ and piano every Sunday, I also play for many funerals, and have done so for many of our church friends in the 3 years since my beloved Ben's death. Doing so is definitely a part of my ministry, and my desire is to bring comfort to those grieving, and commemorate and honor their loved ones thru music. However, playing for a funeral on Ben's death anniversary was not something that was in my plan for the day! But, I believe it was God's. I ended up connecting in a special way with one of the grievers, a total stranger, and even if we never meet again, I will not forget our moments together! I guess I'm sharing all of this, because my story is similar to Angela's. Ben and I were both musicians. Music brought us together, and even kept us going thru a life filled with many challenges. When we married later in life after being colleagues and best friends for 11 years, we quickly had our children, and they became a part of our musical life as well...church choirs, home school choir, musical theater, and we even did a Christmas Eve service for the rehab facility Ben was in after a serious leg injury sidelined him for awhile. He sang from his wheelchair with our kids! And, like Angela and her partner, we had big dreams, creative dreams, plans for the future. And so now, I've been contemplating what I should pursue, what I should let go, or what might be different than what we had envisioned. What did happen is that music was still a part of everything from the earliest moments if my grief journey, more out of necessity than anything! But I'm so grateful it played such a big role, even during those times of deepest grief. Ben's funeral was part service, part concert, and I planned it all. Crazy it sounds, I played the organ, including the HALLELUJAH CHORUS, at the funeral, partly because we couldn't afford to hire someone else, and partly because I knew Ben would have wanted me to. God was my strength and support. He got me thru it! Since I make a living as a musician, I had to keep going...church, teaching, the theater, working with choirs, but I had to do it without my soulmate, my partner. That has been so hard! But I still feel Ben with me. And my students, and those I've worked with in the theater have been wonderful in allowing me to share stories and remembrances of him, and we've been able to laugh, too. But then, there have been those who have predicted that I would crash and burn, and have not been afraid to offer their opinions on the subject! Yes, I have gotten internally emotional during an occasional service or performance, but it's never interfered with what I do. I "crash and burn" later, in my car in my driveway! That is my "floor", and it's the time when I allow myself to grieve, if that's what I'm feeling and need to do. I have had a few close "crash and burn" moments at the grocery store, though! So now, beginning my fourth year of this journey, I'm really looking at what I want my life to be like as I move forward. Will I be able to bring some of those musical dreams we had, to life? How can I go about writing the story of God's faithfulness and provision for Ben and me thru our challenging times, in a way that might help and encourage others? I guess I must be walking along the path of healing because I haven't been able to look at any of this quite so positively before. I'm 66, and I like how Amy Grant refers to this time of our lives as our "4th quarter", a time when many of us have a little more freedom to make choices of how we want to live out the rest of our days. I don't want widowhood to be the only thing that defines and shapes my "4th quarter"! Thank you, Emily, and Angela, for being an inspiration to all of us on this journey!

is there something like community services online for other types of losses?

Please don’t say…. well it was their time they were already old!!! My husband recently passed away a few months ago. He was 76 years old and your comment is offensive to me. As far as I’m concerned it wasn’t his time as he could have still lived many more years. I’m tired of hearing younger widows minimizing the grief and loss of older people. Young widows’ grief is not worse or more heartfelt than older widows. We all hurt and grieve for our spouses. ????So when an old person dies the surviving spouse/partners/family grief is not as intense!!!???? Is there a cutoff age when the pain of grieving their loved one dying should be less intense because it’s their time… is it 50, 60, 70, 80? Please let me know. This is not Logan’ Run. Enough said.