8 Symptoms of Covert Narcissistic NEGLECT And How It Destroys You #narcissism

OMG so shocking true! Thank you so much Michele for all this support and help to my healing journey.All those exercises and breathworks at Thrivers School of Transformation are pure gold to me.❤🙏💫

“The covert narcissist gives compassion to other people, they just don’t give it to you..” ..this hit me like a sledgehammer. Exactly what happened to me. I saw my ex talking so compassionately about friends and colleagues, like she was the most caring person in the world..but none of that extended in my direction. I thought it was me that was the problem somehow because of that..but a couple of times she literally said to me “I cannot consider your feelings” ..and when I was at rock bottom and asked for some support she told me “I can’t be that person for you.” Yet she always needed my support, and she seemingly wanted to help work colleagues. How does that even work? 🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm 72 years old and this is the first time I've heard anyone describe my emotions whilst growing up. VERY GOOD. ACCURATE. Well done young lady, you helped me very much today - I'm grateful to you. Thank you.

I was erased. Totally. Thanks for talking about this Michele! After I left, a nice neighbor waved to me and I turned around to see who they were waving too! I was so used to being invisible.

A Narcissist will leave you feeling crazy!

This is EXACTLY HOW AND WHAT MY HUSBAND DID TO ME. SO PAINFUL. I LOST MYSELF. THESE PEOPLE ARE EVIL. He would crush my soul. They literally suck the life right out of you.

Another example of how the abuser twists the healthy behavior like setting boundaries would be…. You set a boundary and they overdramatize your boundary. “I feel unsafe when I’m in a car that moves sporadically or is going too fast, can you please drive more conservatively when I’m in the car.” And they respond to that with driving excessively slow, creating traffic and conflict with other drivers. This causes the person who expressed and set the boundary to feel shamed as if they were being too sensitive.

I got chills when you talked about the covert narc giving you the silent treatment and walking around like everything is fine in order to activate someone's sensitivity to rejection. DING, DING, DING!!! My mother's favorite punishment.

They minimize, dismiss or totally dont acknowledge that you have feelings

Emotional neglect is like having the skin of your soul being peeled off....slowly. It is so incredibly painful. There is SO much pain in the silence, the lack of things done and said, what is missing. To watch an emotional neglectful abuser show love/concern to pets, strangers, and friends but not to you~ it SCREAMS at you. The silence screams at you: "YOU. DONT. MATTER. You are invisible, you aren't worth even my attention to show you that you even exist." My self worth was low when I met my ex, but what little self worth I had, it was pummeled into dust by him. One day we fought and he wanted to go fishing but we hadn't resolved the issue. It was what it always was: left as loose ends and I was emotionally bleeding out. He wanted to go fishing and I truly didn't believe I was allowed to say "no" to anything he wanted. I agreed to go but I grabbed a bottle of wine on our way out. I sat in the bottom of the boat, drinking this whole bottle, tears streaming down my face but I didn't make a sound. He hated when I cried. He stood on the end of the boat with his back to me, casting over and over for over an hour. Not once did he look at me, not once did he glance my way and ask me if I was ok, or came to me to comfort me. Nope. I cannot believe I put up with that!!! Now, I wish I had put the boat in reverse so he'd fall of the front...then drive the boat around him screaming at him and then drive to the boat ramp and call an Uber to gtfo. 😢

“The effects of emotional neglect are extremely damaging. “Maybe the narcissist isn’t doing anything forcefully, but by what they are withholding from you is causing your personality to implode in on itself. “And over a long period of time you wind up feeling as if you’ve been erased from the inside out. “And in a way, you have. Your emotions never had space, they never mattered, and so they were erased. “The beliefs that you had about yourself, you were not allowed to have them, they were never mirrored back, they were never supported, so they were erased and replaced with negative beliefs about who you are. “And when that pattern takes root inside of us, it causes us to show up in every relationship in that same pattern…. “We wind up furthering our suffering because we’re showing up in these templates, these patterns… and we’re seeing other people continually reflect back to us the same neglect that our caregivers .. did as well.” I had to stop and write down exactly what you said, because I’ve never heard my lived experience be summarised so perfectly and succinctly. “YOU WIND UP FEELING AS IF YOU’VE BEEN ERASED FROM THE INSIDE OUT.” 😮😮

The emotional neglect aspect has been "neglected" 😉 in the narc abuse conversations. Thanks for bringing it up. It can be even worse than overt abuse because it is invisible.

I learned that covert narcs are EXTREMELY envious and jealous individuals and this envy is a significant motive behind their behavior. Their envy doesn't distinguish strangers from their own child sadly... they don't want their child to do better OR worse than them because either cases would make them look bad... this is why narcs are impossible to please.

There is a poem by Mary Oliver called The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voice behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life that you could save.

I thought something was wrong with me as a teenager because I didn't feel like I had a personality. "Erased from the inside out" is so spot on

As a child I was always "too emotional" and shamed for being different by my parents and brother especially. He would berate, hit, and call me ugly etc and I would get in trouble for getting upset or crying and being too loud. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my parents, and still is not for my dad. Everything I do is looked at in a negative light, and my brother is seen as the golden child because he lives a mainstream lifestyle. I am judged very harshly and always expected to fail and mess up. It is just not hitting me at 35 that this is what I dealt with as I have had to move back in w my dad when I moved states. He is so kind and giving to everyone, but he yells, judges, and insults me and I can never live up to his expectations. It is not consistent either, as sometimes he chooses to be nice as long as I " act in line". I change who I am to avoid issues. Thankfully I have started to move past caring what he thinks of me and focusing on knowing the truth that I am awesome and successful as an artist and a forest school teacher. But this video now is putting together the pieces as to why my nervous system is so unregulated and always triggered. I can never truly relax, my brain or body. This felt good to vent even if nobody ever reads this.

I was with a covert narcissistic person in a relationship. Weird thing I have encountered is I was always hungry looking for food….. like being empty all the time. Extremely draining

My father was the Narcissist and I the 1st born. I'm 65 and just learning why My life was So hard and why I was never happy, blamed for things I never did. Why I was treated like 2nd hand news. I'm completely alone, isolated. No one calls, no one comes or even cares.. My sister turned my son against me while I was helping my brother basically die. When she dropped dead 8-30-22 , 5:00 AM Heart attack. My son doesn't talk to me for going on 4 years, destroyed my credit , I trust No one and it's damn lonely. Thank GOD for my Cats.

I lived for 26 YEARS with my EX-Husband who was his #1 trait !!! I did try harder and harder but it did no good. The target moved each time. If he did not love me, why did he stay married for so long? He was also angry all of the time. So anger combined with neglect over a long, long period of time which was difficult.

"They need to regulate you to regulate themselves" that speaks volumes...