How autistics show affection

'You are not showering me with love; you are showering me with anxiety." - I want to yell this sometimes when I am overwhelmed.

If I'm in the same room, whether or not I talk to you, that's love. I don't just sit in the room with anyone.

Parallel play reminds me of old couples in movies who sit in silence together, one reading, one knitting, or similar, and exchange an occasional smile or pat on the hand.

I love how your love language is literally treat people how you want to be treated!

Yeah, info-dumping is a sure sign that I like someone. If I don't like you, I will not even acknowledge your existence, but if I like you I will always be looking for you and will always talk to you and share all the things you never wanted to know. Needless to say, it doesn't always end well... The parallel play is another big one. If I get comfortable enough around you to just quietly do my thing, I definitely like you.

I share/do a lot of these. My major one though is Penguin Pebbling. I share links, articles, videos, memes, pictures, etc with all of my friends over chats, and over time as I get to know a person the stuff I share becomes a lot more personalised toward the stuff I know they like. I have a friend I share all the dinosaur news I can find with, I have others that I share certain film news, etc, etc. When I have the money/time, I also like to give gifts to my friends. Little things that say "I'm thinking of you" I just made a whole bunch of bracelets for all of my friends and have been sending them out in the mail ^_^ Each bracelet is themed around their interests (dinosaur girl got 2 about dinos, etc)

I have to admit, sometimes I send my friends to your videos just so they can understand me more. You always put the exact words Im always trying to express and I thank you for that.

I'm not diagnosed but these resonate with me. One thing I'd add is "speaking the truth, however brutal". Or maybe "being as straight forward as possible". It saves time and I don't have to try to interpret anything.

That parallel play bit really resonates with me. Girlfriends invariably think I lose interest after a while, but I'm really just relaxing my guard out of trust. That's every relationship I've ever had.

I so feel the parallel play vibe. Like how cool would it be to just perpetually be on a call with a bestie while doing normal errands and chores! Just existing together would make some parts of life way cooler

Parallel play and respecting my routines are two big ones. I have had a lot of issues in the past with partners wanting to do crazy spontaneous things that I had no plan or frame of reference for and it would always cause immense stress and anxiety and usually lead to a blow up or melt down. My current partner is very routine oriented along with me, and most of what we do is Parallel play watching YouTube in the same room on different devices while I engage in my special interest in crafting and it's wonderfully relaxing. Many neurotypical people may see this as boring or sad that we aren't interacting constantly, but it is the best place in the world to be in our opinions. Just chilling and doing our favorite stuff and occasionally infodumping at each other and showing each other things that make us laugh. ❤ thanks for talking about this, hope you have a great trip!

Every time I doubt my having autism, you post a friggin video and I’m like, “Yep. That’s me.” I’m also learning to understand fellow autistics in a different way even though we might not share similar issues/hyperfixations/etc. One of my love languages is gift giving tbh, but I try to pick something I KNOW they can’t dislike. I always feel like it’s not appreciated though so I stopped doing it which is a bummer. But also listening and words of affirmation while allowing them to vent and get angry bc it’s not directed towards me and I know that’s something I need sometimes. Back in 2013, I desperately needed to vent when I came home from work but my mom thought I was somehow mad at her. I wasn’t and I’d tell her I wasn’t. I’m just venting, (probably a meltdown tbh) and panicking. 🤷‍♀️ We love you, Morgan! Hope you’re enjoying your trip!!! Stay safe! Praying only good things for you!

Helping your partner make decisions through research. E.g. my girlfriend couldn't decide what university course to pick so I researched all the ones she was interested in, researched all the subjects each has, even researched how would transferring work if she changed her mind later.

Love your content! My Autistic love languages include infodumping and parallel play as well, but also include penguin-pebbling where I share info nuggets and small gifts with my loved ones about things that I know they enjoy/remind me of them; including pictures, videos, memes, and just random info I researched.

From the 5 Love languages, mine has always been quality time, now I understand it’s parallel play 😅❤

Wow. You are God's gift. An angel. My 9 yrs old son is also autistic. I can relate all of these points signs you mentioned. I ve learnt so much through this video. Surely will help me become a better understanding father. God bless you always dear ❤

Remember, though, if we feel like they don’t understand our particular love languages, and they don’t express their love for us using our love languages, it does go both ways. So even though surprises make me anxious, or someone dropping by my house unexpectedly completely tripped me out,it’s the exact same thing for them. They believe that they are showing love in that way.

12:02 This is so sweet. I'm very similar, Morgan. I love small details and feel so loved when people remember me.

I've learned with my autistic partner that Parallel Play is essentially Quality Time. While the definition in the book is centered more around undivided attention and mutual activity + conversation, I've definitely resonated with your experience. In the beginning it made me anxious with us sitting in silence, and it made her anxious feeling that she needed to mask and fill the silence with constant stimulus for me, but once I learned and fully understood how much peace and affection she feels and conveys just being able to fully relax and coexist with me, my heart instantly warmed. I adore just being with her and enjoying each others passive presence as we go about our tasks and hobbies. Neither of us feel pressure anymore, and the silence no longer fills me with dread or worry, it fills me with love just as it does for her.

I love how you're talking about this while packing for a trip, going to the bank, and checking in for your flight. I NEVER, like, NEVER just sit down and watch a video. I do the dishes, clean, or aimlessly walk around while listening to a video and sometimes I feel bad about it because I'm like,"We'll, this YT person made this video for me, so I shoukd do them the justice of sitting down and watching it instead of cleaning." But I don't have time for that. So that you were doing your own thing and talking about this made me feel better because I was doing the dishes, and I was like,"Wow, this is great! We're both learning stuff and being so productive! Yay!!!"