pov: it’s ur fault [vent playlist] #3

my dark circles are forming again my appetite has vanished my anxiety has gotten worse my eyes burn even more my grades are dropping rapidly my scars are more visible my sleeping is out of track . . . . i havent eaten in 4 days i havent slept in 2 days i keep feeling like im gonna throw up i cant get out of bed in the morning i cant focus . . . . im creating more scars im not eating anymore im not sleeping ive became so weak all this at the age of 13.

love the playlist ty i’m currently on the bathroom floor crying in school ty

"Your problem is that you're too clingy" "clingy isn't a cute feature on you." "Cut it out!!" I hope the people who said these things to me all those years ago go to hell.

I know most of the comments tell you to be happy but mine's KINDA sad. So it started like I don't remember, I think it was Thursday or something anyways... I never had a good relationship with my best friend... I'm a nice person, and I cant stand seeing people sad or crying so i try not to be rude. But Thursday was different, my best friend was hanging out with him... The one who makes fun of me, calls me dumb, stupid, and I don't even wanna finish this. Well I guess I'm getting into really harsh detail, so i'll continue. Anyways, like I said my best friend was hanging out with the person that ruined me, not only that but my best friend too. He is so mean now, and I still don't know how he could be this rude to his BEST friend. I was sad... Lonely.. Felt stupid honestly, after this I told my best friend that what he was doing really hurt... He never even cared... A week later, my friend {we'll call her Keely} Finally snapped at him, they too were friends aswell, it hurt a lo of people to see me sad like this, I was the positive one.. The sunshine into everyone's day. So she snapped, finally I did too, which is something I will always regret doing... "WHY ARE YOU SO TOXIC!!!" Keely was yelling at him, at this point my head was all caught up in emotions and I couldn't tell who was right or wrong. See the person that hurt me well, we used to be friends until the "incident" He would go on our chat and say, something horrible. {Wouldn't be appropriate to say} I just blew up... Why did I do this? I felt like he was my everything and seeing my best friend being called this was heartbreaking... My family, he cared, accepted me? I couldn't be using him? So I just ended the friendship with {I'll call him Dylan} The next few months were okay... Back to the present, or technically 2 weeks ago, my best friend was hanging out with that disgusting jerk, he made me feel like i wasn't good enough to be his friend. My best friend (Daxton- i call him Dax} He was there for me.. So I would be there for him, until I found out that when Dylan called him that awful word, he never cared. He LIED to me, not only me, everyone that was involved, like Keely. I was so mad... Then.. "SHE NEVER WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND" Keely yelled at Dax again... "STOP IT" I screamed, it was to late, he was crying, I was too on the inside. She was mad at ME for something i never did. A few days later {we're still friends then} She was talking to another one of the people that ruined me... I was so mad. We argued A LOT "Well this isnt gonna work" She told me, we had a break, as i went outside I just broke down, crying. Like anybody would care, honestly though, nobody i tell you NOBODY Dylan was taking Dax away... Why? Was it me? I would keep crying myself to sleep as i wondered if it was my fault? After that, he kept distancing from me, "Is it me?" I hardly ate lunch thinking of why me? Why do I have to be so unlucky? Dylan was worried for me but i didn't care at all, Daxton was never toxic, i knew that he'd never. It was Dylan and Keely ruining our relationship. Now Dax is to busy playing with Dylan He hasn't talked to me at all since he left school early. Im worried for him. Is he okay? I dont know. Please , if you're gonna reply then dont ask if he's okay i will keep you updated. Honestly I would've never thought I could've been torn like this, all I feel is emptiness in myself... Small explination: Basically My ENEMY was taking my friend away from me, we were friends until this thing called the "Incident" happened, I guess ill say what he said." FUCK YOU DAXTON" yea so then i was mad, and my friends are basically lousy, rude, and make me very insecure about myself. So now im mentally torn apart. SOOOOO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This sounds depressing but im alright now so... Still havent made contact with him tho Be sure to always make friends and be good to them, even if they are rude and jerks. one day it'll pay off as a thank you Sweet dreams loves <3

timestamps :) 00:00 - I can't handle change by roar 3:53 - seperation anxiety by eyedress 8:36 - gomenne gomenne (ごめんね ごめんね) by kikuo (TW for lyrics, if you look up English vers.) 13:25 - help_urself by Ezekiel 16:04 - haunted (extended ?) by laura les 18:23 - animal by sir chloe 21:14 - haunt me by teen su!c!de 23:45 - virgo (ヴァルゴ)  by kiichi feat. megurine luka 27:22 life is unfair, ... or get over it by black box recorder (TW for lyrics as well) 29:35 - aftermath by caravan palace 33:14 - hey kids by molina 38:11 - insomniac by memo boy and chakra efendi 42:47 - jealous by eyedress 45:25 - (outro) the minimalists by finn

When mum told me to ‘stop being such a disappointing child’, and to ‘cut it out’ so I took it literally when I was 12 and I’m 14 and still taking it literally. (Love this playlist <3)

yep, it's my fault how i feel, that's because i can't tell nobody

Thank you, just thank you. School and friends is a peice of shit at the moment just ty

I'm currently crying the absolute fck out my eyes rn-

im 3rd! anyways i listened to these songs and i love em! not to mention ur other videos but their amazing ur videos are! <33

Its always to talk abt things and music is one of the ways of getting it out so good job :) I hope it okay and that everything will be ok luv U <33

!VENT! TW (suicide attempt) My best friend recently tried to off herself, she didn't tell me and I heard about it at school. She lived and is doing better but I can't seem to shake the feeling that what pushed her over the edge was me. You see she likes me in a way I don't feel for her and sometimes tries to push our relationship to the next level which I'm not really comfortable with, so I distanced myself from her for that day. The next day I heard that she had a really bad night and tried to off herself which broke my heart, but now that I rethink what happened I can't help but feel it was my fault she tried to do it. It makes me feel even worse than I do now. What's even worse is my lack of reaction to what happened it was only when an adult talked to me to comfort me that I felt tears starting to spill and I was told that I was in shock because even though I felt horrible I didn't cry and panic and that is the worst to feel in a situation like this. It's my fault all of it is and no one can sugarcoat it anymore. I feel so bad I hate myself for pushing her away

21:04 this makes me feel a weird feeling in my heart, i love it.

I wish I didn't loose my motivation because I wanna put words, pictures, songs, videos, edits and drawings on what I'm struggling with. I used to be the creative kid, therapist one, the one that everybody makes fun of when I was telling stories about I've watched or seen and that no one truly respect because I'm short. I don't know if it's laziness but it's been way too long I wish I had inspirations. My only inspirations comes from my mind and there's nothing great in there just deep thoughts about the existence. I know I can't end myself even if I wish because I'm a fcking coward for real lol. Fun story : sometimes in elementary school when I was all alone I was walking around the playground to search if there was a kid crying so I could comfort them cause I was bored lol. I was that lonely and I was between 7 and 10 I think. I was a smart child but not in school just the mind so I guess I was pretty mature not as mature as I am right now of course but still. I am a nobody, nothing, worthless, useless, no one and I am so forgetable if that means something anyway. I think I use english as an escape room, I assume what I say when it's in english but not in my native language fun right? I don't know now I feel like I'm just mean full of anger (cliché for short people like me but I hate showing that side of me only my family knows I think)when people are pushing me too far I explode but since I'm a coward one all I can do is crying saying that my tears are from my anger so at high school I look really numb about feelings. I don't have any relationship and to be honest I've seen so many people getting desperate to be in couple that it's just disgusting me. I feel like all I did this year sometimes was to follow my friends who are chasing stupid guys that breaks their hearts I tried to open their eyes but it's pointless they're as stupid as those guys are in high school. So for next year I'm not gonna follow I prefer to stay by my own. I'm not gonna chit chat because it's useless if I have the nerves I will finally focus a bit but with anxiety and being overthinking it's really hard. I look like a monster sometimes when my anger takes myself away but I guess this is how it work for quiet people like me right?

"your problem is that you're jealous. you're scaring me. I don't care that you have problems with your parents and you love me, you scare me." It was really hurtful, but I hope you're okay, my dear, I still love you

:elbowcough:

I'm early! ( also for anyone who is reading this! You're enough for this world. You're perfect in every way and shape. Don't let anyone bring you down. You're Beautiful no Matter what I love you!! 💕)

tge fact this was uploaded on my bday

Ah yes, Listening to sad music while reading Wattpad angst

its like my mind is runing over and over and i cant stop it my bf talks to other girls I feel jealous because they are more pretty i feel hated everyday and night its like i cant stop it