Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style

Dismissive Avoidants are known to love dogs and cats because there is no threat of rejection, criticism or emotional demands,.

I dated someone like this and he would see me 1 time a week for 4 months and he didn’t want to talk over the phone or text…he also was a workaholic and was very cold and guarded and showed no emotion. Unfortunately, I am an anxious attachment style person and I would like to change that about myself because he definitely triggered me. I ended up ending things because I don’t want to beg someone to show interest or attention.

I became avoidant because growing my needs weren’t met. I was told my feelings don’t matter, that a child should be seen and not heard. Then you add the fact that I’ve never had a romantic life due to feeling invisible, so I adopted an avoidant style because of my resentment.

The goal is to become SECURE. Not remain dismissive avoidant which is insecure and creates alot of problems in romantic relationships.

“Looking at someone in the eyes when they’re crying” sweating intensifies

the anxious preoccupied is the dismissive avoidant’s “nightmare” but they are intrinsically attracted to each other. weird to say they don’t date.

Being a dismissive avoidant is really difficult, as well as being super difficult to deal with. I was abused as a child, and have been in dysfunctional situations and relationships my whole life and I feel its come from that. I struggle with comforting people, showing up more than physically in emotional situations, going hot and cold, mood swings and pushing people away when they get too close and ask for vulnerability and intimacy. I flip flop way too much and self-sabotage, and its a problem. I need so much personal space, freedom to live my own life, I highly value my own time and space. Being in a relationship with someone who is an anxious attachment style, I fear I've made it much worse. Its so difficult with the push and pull cycle : - I feel triggered by something and withdraw. - She feels I'm pulling away, and tries to cling harder and it feels needy. - I feel smothered and pull away, or I end up complying and putting up with the suffucation feeling and THEN blow up because I didnt make my boundaries clear. Even when I set boundaries, and she tells me what she needs, both easily get forgotten. Hoping we can work this out because I want to be with her forever, in a healthy and stable relationship.

In my experience dismissive avoidants don't work on their attachment issues. Those who have done so I have all the respect in the world for. But the very nature of it makes it hard to even acknowledge that there are issues to deal with at all.

"If someone identifies with this, that doesn’t mean they have to stay there, just be aware of it, to learn the tools and techniques to get out of it" - yeeeeeees! This is the beauty of being human, that we can always learn more helpful ways of being and unlearn less helpful patterns. Very insightful, thanks so much!

My ex wife was a dismissive avoidant. I will never have a long term relationship with one again. I never felt so alone than when I was with her. I’ve learned that I am AP, but when I get hurt, my FA comes out and I feel unsafe.

I had a secure attachment style, id dealt and maintained so many of my own issues. then I came across one of these people and was in a 2 year relationship with her. Never, ever, ever again will I date someone with this attachment style, they love themselves so much that they don't need you in anyway. Don't love these types of people they're so toxic and they won't gaf about you.

I’ve just realised I’m a dismissive avoidant. It’s really made me understand myself better and my past behaviour makes SO much sense now. Thank you for these videos, it is such a help to be able to educate ourselves.

0:10: 🔑 Dismissive avoidant attachment style is characterized by independence, avoidance of intense emotions, and minimal investment in emotional relationships. 4:02: 🔑 Dismissive avoidant individuals tend to choose highly independent jobs with a lot of autonomy and may be more authoritarian in leadership positions. 7:23: 👥 Understanding dismissive avoidant attachment style and its impact on personal relationships. 10:45: 💡 The video discusses the importance of practicing emotional connection and valuing emotions in relationships. 14:18: 😂 The speaker discusses the importance of allowing children to experience a full range of emotions and teaching them healthy coping skills. Recap by Tam

I had fallen for a DA, and though it’s been months, he definitely had more issues than I did. I find myself still missing him because I could tell him anything, and he would always be gentle and patient. But I know I deserve better. Poor communication is bad. Not being clear is bad. And I hope he is working on himself because he at least deserves that.

recently a professor of mine said "You cannot change your attachment style" watching this video helped confirm my notion that, with therapy one can change.

I'm glad the attachment styles' content is getting more "out there". For years I thought I was just not normal. I always looked for long distance relationships, I never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months, I always find a way out and even when I like the other person I can't stop thinking that all my dreams and freedom is taken away from me and that pleasing that person to keep the harmony between us is making me lose my identity. My mom always complained about how I never keep in touch with my friends or family members, how I am so indifferent to social interactions and forced me into therapy a couple times, to which I also stopped going after 4-9 sessions. It's ironic how brave I am in all other aspects of my life, but relationships, I can't handle it. At this point I gave up, I will just accept I'm like this and if I will never be in a serious relationship I'm completely okay with it.

The thing about eye contact, I recently found out that I have this attachment style, I also have social anxiety disorder, and may be on the adhd/autism spectrum. So my eye contact game is at 0 pretty much, especially when someone is crying LOL

Learning about this has been so mind blowing to me because I’m very anxiously attached and i had a major crush on someone who is dismissive avoidant. I wanted to be around him all the time and try to understand how he feels but he would push me away. it would be really hard to talk to him about how i was feeling because i felt like he didn’t care but now i understand he just didn’t know how to talk about feelings. He liked me a lot and expressed that but told me he was extremely scared of intimacy and wasn’t ready for a relationship. i thought maybe i had done something wrong to make him feel that way but this makes a lot more sense.

I’ve been looking so much into attachment theory this year and yeah this video about being a DA resonates with me. I’m in the process of healing my DA attachment style and it’s been overwhelming starting to get in touch with emotions like anger, anxiety, lust. But I’m willing to heal these emotional insecurities because I do truly want to have more fulfilling relationships in my life and a healthier relationship to myself.

This is 100% the girl that I just had to finally break up with. Dated for a year and now everything - EVERYTHING- is coming together to answer all the questions, some I didn’t even really know I had. Jfc. I feel so much less negativity towards her for so many things after finally learning these things.