7 Signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Watch the rest of our full video series on avoidant personality disorder: bit.ly/2DDY51X

I must imagine when you have this condition, you don't get to live life - you watch everyone else live their life but you don't get to participate - you only get to observe.

I have AvPD and it basically feels like I have been in quarantine and social distancing my entire life.

“They miss a lot of opportunities and because of that it keeps reinforcing their identity as being socially inept” this one hit me!

"They miss so much of life, ...they look at it longingly" That part was so completely relatable, (the entire video really) it literally made me tear up

I have AvPD and have pretty much lived a hermit life all my life. I didn’t really notice it until the pandemic when people began complaining about social isolation and I thought everything felt normal, or peaceful really.

Does anyone else desperately want Dr. Ramani as their therapist? I could be normal by now.

I love how she talks about it like it's not a disorder. Instead, speaks with sympathy, empathy, & compassion.

Some of us are molded into having this disorder when you are born into a toxic and HIGHLY critical family. I’m the youngest of five and NOTHING I do is enough in the eyes of my siblings. I therefore isolate myself to the point I’ve become agoraphobic. The pandemic made me feel relief and made me feel normal because EVERYONE had to stay home. It’s so incredibly debilitating.

I think this happens to people who have critical people in their life as children. They are constantly getting ridiculed or corrected for their behavior by people who are family or (supposedly) friends.

I wish this disorder was taken more seriously. I have it and it has absolutely destroyed my life. I have almost no meaningful relationships and my fear of criticism has made it impossible for me to hold a job. I've missed out on so many opportunities because I'm so scared of embarrassing myself. All of my romantic relationships follow the same path: go great in the beginning (honeymoon phase- no doubts) and then as soon as that starts to wear off, the insecurity kicks in and I start to distance myself (especially physically) until the relationship falls apart. I have carried absolutely no friends from childhood and struggle so bad to make new friends because I assume everyone thinks I'm a weirdo or a loser. I felt so socially awkward and inept (despite those close to me disagreeing) that I was totally convinced I was autistic until I was introduced to AvPD. And I have had a pervasive fear of trying new things in front of others since early early childhood. I've always been aware of this in myself - to the point that I went to only 1 gas station for the first 4 years of having my license because I was afraid of not being able to "figure out" a different type of gas pump and looking like an idiot. AvPD is also often linked to substance use disorder, and I also have issues with overusing marijuana and overeating. It's so complex.

I'm only 26 but I always wonder how much I would've already achieved in my life if I wouldn't have AvPD. The intense fear of rejection has total control over my life.

I grew up with parents who were very critical, very demanding, rediculed me in public, and never never accepted me the way I was as a child. In fact I have two sisters who also have AVPD. All of us are fairly intelligent, and artistically gifted, but never ever used our potential, because, all of us were always critisized and named " dumb", " no good", " never as good as X, Y, Z... " by our own parents. I always feel bad about it. Iam 60.

On the internet it says that 1% of the population has APD. But counselling is a social interaction too. I bet there are many people out there that dont seek out or AVOID counselling because of their fears......

This can be the result of being humiliated by bullying by a narcissistic sibling or parent. A perfectly normal child being destroyed since 2-3 years old. I have seen it happening.

I have suffered because of this disorder my entire life. I was labeled as being shy, weird, strange, conceited and the like. Whether at School or on a job I always performed at my highest level to avoid confrontations. Often others took credit for my accomplishments while I stood by and remained silent. While in a public setting I always take the aisle seat for easy escape and to avoid feeling suffocated. I hated being stared at because I knew all of my flaws were being judged. Some people thought that I could not speak because I seldom talked and did not respond even when being spoken to directly. It was not until 2009 after being embarassed and humiliated by workplace bullies that I sought help because I was suicidal. After almost 10 years of intense therapy I was diagnosed with depression and I knew the Doctor was wrong. I feel he made his decision solely to prevent me from receiving disability and not for my well being. After a lot of research I realized and self diagnosed myself with this horrible disorder. I want so badly to interact with people and enjoy life because I get so lonely, but even when I am invited to functions 95% of the time I make an excuse and decline. The reason being after socializing I come home and replay my actions over and over in my mind. Did I say the wrong thing, Did I look okay, somebody hurt my feelings and so on. I could write a book and I would if it meant helping someone.

I have this disorder. I think I developed it because of my siblings and parents bullying during my childhood. They made it their mission to put me down, humiliate me and isolate me. They're own human punching bag. I'm older and working hard to break out these patterns. My family doesn't seem to like it and are angry that I've started speaking up and putting them in their place lol.

I thought I had social anxiety, but my therapist said APD/C-PTSD. I've self-isolated my entire life. Locked myself in my childhood bedroom, then the school dorm room, and now my own apartment. Worst part is no one really knows since I have zero social connections. When you're an adult without friends, there's nobody to know. You go completely unnoticed. I'd be the 80 year old on the news who died and was left to rot in their apartment for several years before the neighbors finally caught the smell. Might as well go out with some dignity before that happens...

The 7 Traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder 1) 3:54 - Avoid occupational activities that have a lot of inter personal interaction because they're afraid of screwing up, or looking foolish, or criticism. 2) 4:34 - They're not willing to get involved with people unless they're sure they'll be accepted - hence they're not likely to enter into close personal relationships. 3) 5:37 People with this pattern also show restraint or hold back within intimate relationships because they're afraid they'll be shamed or ridiculed by their partner. Perceived as aloof/cold/distant/overly shy, but they're doing that because of their fear of being rejected. 4) 6:19 They're preoccupied of being criticized in social situations. They won't offer their opinion due to 5) 6:53 They feel inhibited when they are in a new inter personal relationship because they feel inadequate. Because they feel so inadequate, so less than, they very much hold back. 6) 7:50 They judge themselves, they consider themselves to be socially inept and less socially skilled than other people. "Don't ask me, Don't have me talk to them, I'm the wrong person". They'll always assume everybody is more socially skilled, and in many ways that is a cognitive distortion but it feel very very real to them. 7) 8:34 They are very reluctant to take any kind of risk, to try something new, especially in front of other people because they're afraid they'll embarrass themselves. They will never do karaoke, or jump up on stage, be a volunteer, or step up at their brother's wedding because they're so afraid of embarrassing themselves. Because they'll never take any risk, they miss a lot of life. They miss so much life, and they look at it almost longingly. But because they're afraid of embarrassed, they won't try something new. They miss so much opportunity for growth, curiosity, meeting new people, advancement at work but that fear of embarrassment overrides all of that sort of wanting to do it.

I got diagonosed with it today and came here to know more about it. What a mysterious world we live in. Takes half of your life to even know yourself and sometimes you don't even realise you need to know...argghhh