Why Avoidant and Anxious Partners Find It Hard to Split Up

You've just described the relationship between me and my cat

An avoidant partner can make even the most sane person felling anxious and insecure

Being an avoidant feels like being cursed. You can't fulfill your partner's needs, you can't even meet your own needs, and you're labeled as the villain as a general rule.

I have an avoidant ex, I blamed his lack of emotion for all of our issues, then I discovered within myself, not only do I have an anxious attachment style, I am also emotionally distant at times, toxic and have narcissistic traits. I am now doing the work internally to become secure through pray, healing and self internalization.

Avoid this hell at all costs. One of the worst emotional rollercoasters you’ll ever go through. The breakups are chaotic and soul crushing.

You know what’s tricky? When an avoidant partner looks great on paper and does all the right things in terms of caring for you on the exterior (cooks, cleans) but gives you barely anything emotionally. It’s a mind fuck. You should be content, yet an ache to be heard & seen & connected with is so deep & excruciating

I was entangled with an avoidant for 6 years or so. Looking back they never actually did anything against me, I did it all to myself, I abandoned myself, I sacrificed myself, I gave and gave and kept returning to someone who never had me captured in their basement. I was free and I chose to do all this. Once I started to turn that love and care and understanding and compassion towards me instead of them everything changed. I became insensitive to their breadcrumbs and re established a healthy relationship with myself. I stopped blaming them and just viewed them as someone on my patth towards self discovery. They were just a character in the movie and I was the leading actress again. We are always in charge of our own feelings, behaviours and decisions.

This video had my jaw on the floor, because every single beat was exactly how my last relationship went. I used to regret breaking up with my avoidant partner, but I had a feeling things wouldn’t change no matter what happened. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing I wasn’t going crazy. He wasn’t a bad guy by any means—we just weren’t good for each other.

"Learn the games they are unconsciously playing" is the solution to every relationship problem.

What I am learning from these series is that it is important to communicate your love and appreciation for others.

I started the relationship i was last in secure, but she was extremely avoidant and after 8/9 months I became the anxious attachment type, 9 months after that she ended it after i again told her she was being distant and i didn't feel loved. It's been over a month now without contact. The most important lesson i've learned is to find someone emotionally mature and compatible

I’ve been with my wife 5 years and this is far too accurate. As the anxious partner you just reach a point where your burned out and have done everything you can to keep it alive since the beginning. Either keep repeating the cycle or move on to something that will reciprocate your feelings. The fear of pain after ending it is real but know it is temporary.

I feel like this could be healed with self love because once the avoidant loves themselves they won't have those underlying fears of rejection and their core wound of abandonment will be healed, and once the attached loves themselves they won't need anyone else to love them and won't be as needy. These two are just a reflection of each other. Self love is the way.

Avoidants are hard to handle . They rarely open up and this makes me frustrated .

Had this exact relationship for two years. I knew after a month she wasn’t the right one, but didn’t have the courage or fortitude to break up and stay broken up. After I finally did, I met my now wife, and soon after she married as well. I suppose we both learned a lot, and thankfully, didn’t try to make a marriage out of it. Wherever you are Amy, I hope you’re happy and doing well.

My partner and I started off this way. She's my best friend and my deepest love, and through trial and error we've come so far in understanding how to streamline miscommunications and how to reduce our fears/triggers and express our feelings in a language (a creole of sorts) that blends what we both want. It's very much an ongoing process, but we've worked hard to dig deep into ourselves and into each other, and given each other a really strong foundation and reasons to keep going that don't feel like we're just staying with each other because we're terrified of alternatives. We fight to keep together, and it feels wonderful to feel the mutual care and supoort of our efforts.

Being an avoidant is a lonely state of being. Desperately in need of love and care yet terrified of it and the feeling of being trapped and controlled.

I feel personally attacked by this video

As an anxious attachment person I think it's important to note generally we are only giving so much in order to get a feeling of fulfillment in life from this person, which is a huge responsibility they never signed up for, and they are not capable of doing, because really only we can fill ourselves up. I think I'd be closed off too if someone put the responsibility of something only they can do on me, it's an awful thing to do.

I will never have this type of relationship ever again. I used to have an anxious attachment style and I dated someone with an avoidant style and it was the worst!!! And to top it off he was emotionally unavailable. I will never go through that hell again