What happens when you STOP FAWNING over the narcissist

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator [email protected] to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Every time I ever walked away from a narcissist, they accused me of everything they ever did to me. All of a sudden everything they ever put me through was what they were claiming I did to them. Never failed.

When you stop fawning over the narcissist the trauma bond is broken and the relationship ends one way or another.

Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

These days, I would rather be called difficult than a doormat.

Fawning feels like begging for mercy..

Standing up to my husband unleashed rage and accusations and pounding me for past hurts (stuff happened 15+ years ago) in every interaction. If I was not already discarded- he let me know how very little he really cared about me. Honestly I was surprised by the intensity of the attacks. My punishment for standing up for myself. I did not realize how over the years he had groomed me to fawn to keep the peace. I am working towards divorce. One of the hardest things I have ever done. I have a voice. I will be heard and I deserve love, respect and compassion

I'm actively trying to wear "difficult" and "demanding" as badges of honor.

I grew up with narcissistic, so fawning is my default mode. I consciously try to not do it and be more assertive, but it's easy to slip back into it again.

I find it more astounding that some narcs think they can keep doing this bs and expect ppl to not discard them and then they have the nerve to try contact ppl that know you, to ask them if you are "okay" as if they "cared" about you.

💯💯💯When you realize it's an useless effort and stop fawning you will be probably labeled as selfish and ungrateful. Thank you very much for your precious contributions Dr. Ramani❤❤

It's important to note that when you stop fawning, not everyone will treat you as difficult. Perfectly healthy and nice people will simply accept and respect your request. It's difficult toxic people who will treat you as selfish. In the book "Attached" there is a quote that says "When you ask people for what you need, you give them the opportunity to show you who they are." We don't really know the people around us until we see how they react to us expressing our needs. I have had some rough (and some beautiful) surprises when I made that change.💓🌺

Many were raised to believe that self love is being Selfish. That was what led us to be abused by narcissists.. Who are the real selfish people. Stop being a doormat. Learn to discern others intentions. This is true what happens when you become bolder. Be kind but be firm in standing your ground or requests for respect.

The narc I know is constantly loud, laughs a lot, likes to joke and is sarcastic. When I finally woke up I realize that this person is actually very rude and enjoys bothering people. He also complains a lot and thinks his perceptions are always correct. Has no empathy besides faking it. Always has something to say. Can’t just let people share their personal experience. This person is more toxic than I ever realized.

My son-in-law's mother is a big time narcissist. She showed up to his house after he died. My daughter was told by the hospice nurse that her husband's body could remain at the house until she was ready to have the funeral home pick up her husband's body. The mother, however, was trying to order my daughter to get the body out of the house. I had enough of her bossing everyone, looked straight at her & said "KNOCK IT OFF! He'll get picked up when my daughter is ready!" Prior to that day, i never spoke up against her; basically fawned her just to get along. I'm so glad I found it in me to finally, after 31 yrs, tell her to STOP!

When I stopped fawning over my covert narc ex-husband, and started holding my boundaries, I got discarded so fast my head spun. I'm really glad I did, though. I broke a years-long cycle. My fawn response made me overlook so much abuse.

The truth is, when I stop fawning, I face rage, abandonment and self doubt. It isnt pretty but, as I learn more about narcissism, the knowing helps me feel better about myself. And once you know and face the truth, you can never go back.

omg...this is the source of my problem. Now I understand why I attract the wrong people and everyone says "you're too nice".

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.” -C. JoyBell C.

at this point I'm fine being seen as difficult or a villain. I have to think for myself and my health first 😕 because these people I gave grace would never do the same to me.