People Pleasing: An Addiction in Disguise | Janice Burt | TEDxActonAcademyGuatemala
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Published 2021-09-24
Being liked. Isn't this a topic that we have faced countless times in our lifetime? Janice brings us, all the way from California, a method that can help us find "our true self".
Janice, aka Spanish Janice, is a court-certified Spanish interpreter, voiceover artist, yoga instructor, author, and inspirational speaker. Having lived in Mexico City as a child, she acquired not only Spanish language skills, but a love and appreciation for another group of people and culture. When she returned back to California, she attended high school and college, graduating with Spanish as her major and Communication Studies as her minor. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
All Comments (21)
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when you are raised in chaos, the high you get from offering peace or help to those we love is really something else - but it does truly come at a cost if there are no boundaries.
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one of the worst things about people pleasing is the way that behavior can cause you to start expecting everyone else to act the same way, at least that's been my experience
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It took me until I was about 25 to learn that not everyone has to like you, and you're not going to like everyone either! I think we can apply a similar thing to people pleasing.
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IT IS SO ADDICTING! Especially when you have an anxious or ambivalent attachment style - we are human and we just want to feel like we are needed and appreciated.
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What a liberating moment for me when I realized that it's ok if someone doesn't like me or if I don't like them.
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What a great presentation. I am in my early 70's and just recently realized what I have been doing. "He is so nice" described me perfectly. I was bullied a LOT, had low self esteem, always agreed........... until one day there was this awakening. You have helped me on my journey more than you know! THANK YOU !!
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"Self love starts the moment when you trust to yourself". I should run a dozen of marathon before I 'll reach this confidence
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Thank God I found out this regarding myself when I was 25. Now that I’ve been grinding towards breaking out of these addictions/habits, I’ve been much happier without really much of anything changing outside of me.
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Christ is a great example to follow for being authentic and assertive 🎉
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We are socialized from an early age to please people so that we fit in. Be nice, don't pinch that little boy, wait your turn... it starts as toddlers and then we self police it as children
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I think it's tough to get it right because a lot of the time the way we express love is a direct reflection of what we were deprived of as children. So you might not recognize the damage you're doing to yourself in order to please others
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As an inveterate people pleaser, this was a very useful talk for me!
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I'm convinced that if we put all people pleasers on an island, it would be a really nice place to live.
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These TEDs done during COVID don't feel the same, but the content in this one is really good.
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it's definitely an addiction!
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Your personal testimony brought me to tears. I have been in bondage to this addiction for 59 years. It is a hard painful way to live. ❤Thank you for this encouragement
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Oh yeah, can 100% relate to this. When I was younger my way of making friends was just giving them stuff and when I was a teenager I used to go to the mall with my 'friends' and steal things for them. Thankfully I grew out of this but as I got older I realized it was very much tied in to wanting people to like me and trying to please them.
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I appreciated this talk because I seek outside validation of my "worth" instead of believing in myself.
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I think people pleasing is dangerous because it's not just about doing things people ask of you without question, it's about having that kind of personality where you're agreeable... like it's easier to just do/say this and really it doesn't bother me too much anyway... but if you have that mentality it's really difficult to just stop and figure out how you actually think and feel about things... as well as how easy it is to be taken advantage of!
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thank-you, thank-you, thank-you...I share this video with people often
