THIS Is Why An Avoidant Doesn't Fight For A Relationship & What to Do!

Great video. Let me save you all some trouble, just pass. If someone has one foot out of the door, can't communicate, silent treatment, can't show love and is standoffish, cold, doesn't care about your feelings, and the list goes on. Trust me, it only gets worse and you're wasting your time. Find someone that wants to be with you and can reciprocate love and affection.

I see a lot of pain in the comment section, and I understand completely. My Wife of 12 years is avoidant. They do love and do care. Don't allow the pain to lie to you. They are terrified of opening up. I'll continue to be loving, compassionate, caring, and giving to my Wife.

They won't fight for the healthy relationship but will for the toxic relationship.

NO MATTER WHAT you offer an avoidant you are guaranteed to receive severe neglect in return. I had to learn to accept that some people do not want to give or receive love. They're broken. Don't break your own heart trying to fix them. They don't want the support you have.

By the time you realize that your partner is avoidant it's too late. Peace, love and goodbye to that

I'm not sure why anyone would choose this path instead of just leaving for a new partner. I left my avoidant and found the sweetest, most loving, open partner in the world. It's just easy and comfortable, in a way that dating the avoidant never was. In most cases, moving on is probably for the best.

Because they don’t care! I tried to understand this. But the truth is they make you feel like you are unimportant. And I’ve healed my own attachment. I’m speaking from a very secure place. They may care internally but they will definitely not be considerate of how you feel.

Folks, it’s not our job to fix “someone’s broken child”. Learned the hard way…

Can I just say. What hacks me off about avoidents is when they honestly believe the communication issues stem from you, be it that you are secure or anxious, they can't see how they overwhelmingly contribute to the communication breakdown

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

I was the really generous partner pouring into an avoidant. It's like pouring water thru a colander. Nothing sticks, and then you're the one left feeling empty. The love, affection, kindness, and care that I gave that man......what a waste.

In my experience, you often don't know the other person is avoidant until they run away. No conflicts or difficulties. By this time the avoidant has no desire to 'work' on anything; they want to relieve their fear and revulsion by getting away from you. I have learned the hard way to let them run.

Bottom line: If they won’t go to therapy with you or alone, let them go! I’m working on my avoidant traits. I fully accept that I am my own worst enemy in relationships and I don’t want to hurt other people or myself anymore. I don’t want to be in a cycle of new relationships and I don’t want to die alone. My hyper independence comes from years of childhood abuse and I will be damned if I let my childhood trauma continue to wreak havoc on my life

Ladies - take it from someone who found this out the hard way - just dump him and move on. If you’re doing all the giving and he’s just taking, has one foot in and one foot out, isn’t there when you need him and isn’t talking commitment within a year - RUN, otherwise he will. I wasted 5 yrs on such a man and the lack of closure started me on an early menopause, I lost half my hair and plunged into depression - while he just got on with his life as if I’d never been part of it. Don’t let this happen to you because it’s like a slow sui*ide. No matter how handsome, charming, career-smart and sexy he is, he will one day destroy your life, trust me. LET HIM GO before he does.

Wow. You have to really love a person to go through all of this. It’s too much and exhausting. I’ll just take the L (loss). You doing all the work to be in a relationship and they sit and wait for you. You’ll always be the one doing and initiating.

They claim they dont want to fight, but yet, fing everything as an attack. They live in defense mode instead of opening their hearts. They are not healthy in any way. Life is difficult for everyone, everyone has been through shit. Continuing to use your trauma as a scape goat, is only keeping you stuck and struggling if you are an avoidant. I recommend avoiding the avoidant.

If I love someone, I'll try to give my best. I don't invest my feeling and time on someone who won't do same. Period

Just pass. I did this with a man who just couldn’t communicate at all. I tried nd tried for a long time and then one day I woke up and realized how gross that behavior was. I am worth more than that and everybody is worth more than that. Don’t waste your time on a relationship that isn’t reciprocated.

An avoidant doesn't want to save a relationship because they secretly resent you. And the steps you should take are go be single and figure out why you would ever settle for a relationship that you know isn't right for you and learn how to pick people that are good for you.

I have an honest genuine question. Are there any avoidant people here watching and trying to learn so that they can improve or is it just secure and anxiously attached people here trying to learn and grow so they can cater for the avoidant?