How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It
1,169,488
Published 2023-10-05
00:00 “Small talk” is a misnomer for such an important part of communication.
01:07 Establish appropriate goals.
01:52 Give yourself permission to pause.
03:35 What if you feel like you have nothing smart to say?
04:24 What if I make a mistake or say something dumb?
05:09 What if my problem is that I have too much to say?
06:04 What tools can I use if none of this is natural to me?
07:53 How do I get the conversation started?
09:00 How do I end the conversation (gracefully)?
According to Matt Abrahams, author of "Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot", key strategies include avoiding conventional responses in favor of establishing genuine connections, prioritizing brevity while delivering messages, and speaking authentically without the pressure to be perfect—which means daring to be dull. Fear or nervousness need not deter anyone from communicating effectively on the spot.
Read more: hbr.org/2023/09/how-to-shine-when-youre-put-on-the…
And there's more by Matt Abrahams on this topic in his new book: www.amazon.com/Think-Faster-Talk-Smarter-Successfu…
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All Comments (21)
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This is great. Sometimes I feel like I need a manual for being a person.
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"Nice weather eh?" "Aaahmmm... t- te- tell me more"
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1. be Interested not Interesting 2. Pause, don't react too quick (Use Paraphrasing) 3. "Tell me more" 4. Ok to make mis"take" - Connection not perfection 5. Be concise - tell the time not tell how to make the clock 6. Use Structure - a logical connection of your points (What - So What (Why) - Now What (What's Next)) 7. Curious about something around and start conversation 8. White flag ending (Tell them it's about to end)
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"Goal is to be interested not interesting" brilliant.
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as an introvert and a socially awkward person, thank you so much for this tips professor, I'll try to put this in action
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I remember watching a lecture from this professor like 10 years ago. It was in the era YouTube didn’t have transcripts, so I wanted to have it printed, so I transcribed it myself. The “What? — So what? — Now what?” structure was presented in that talk. Nice memories. It felt like finding a gem in an ocean of videos. Cool times 😊
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Mistake = Missed take. Amazing.
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I use the "I have to return some video tapes" to get our of small talk, I like the confused look on people's faces
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This was very helpful. I’m naturally an introvert, but I’m also a Sr leader within my organization so networking is necessary. These tips definitely help. 👍
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I'm autistic and I can't stand small talk. I know some are important for building rapport, but I truly feel they are useless. Will definitely try this, because in my country small talk is more important than everything else to survive.
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Small talk is easy, but today people really don't have intimate conversations enough. This really struck me at a family reunion where come people will only talk completely superficially about stuff like baseball and the weather
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I think slowing down is the hard part for me. Sometimes it is almost literally painful to listen to unimportant streams of consciousness that some people use as small-talk. That’s why I prefer conversations with more depth. The “What, So What, Now What” concept seems like a good approach. I will definitely try that!
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I wasn't exactly taught how to small talk when I was younger neither of my parents were very social people. Then I started an apprenticeship with my now boss who is a small talk master and a boomer (the best kind of small talkers), it is truly an art
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For a while now I'm feeling I'm doing better socially in life, and now watching this I realize my small talk got better without noticing. That's really exciting news for me.
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This gotta be one of the best videos about how to be great at small talk
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Just make your world about other people not yourself and you'll get instantly interesting! Patient, understanding, compassionate what more can you do?! That's the kind of person I would like to small-talk or even big-talk with. No cheat sheet needed, just being a genuine human
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Totally agree, i have definitely been the guy trying to land something. Not necessarily to be interesting, but to feel the other person out to see what they like and don't like.
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When I watch this, it feels like you are having small talk to me, and you really put it nicely to end the video. I found many nice insights in this video and I'm going to apply it in my next conversation!
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New tips I haven’t heard of before from anyone anywhere, yet makes so much sense
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See a Stanford professor in a Harvard YouTube channel is amazing. It’s a win win for all. Collaborations like are great 👍🏽 I’ve been learning from Prof.Matt since he started his podcast and this video is the most complete nutshell of all of his podcasts. Genius
