From Codependency to Addiction: The Role of Insecure Attachment

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I used to be an extreme codependent. Then, I used to get mad when I wouldn't get back the same energy I gave others. I am now creating boundaries and taking care of me! I actually love myself now. I don't want outside validation. I want to be accepted by me. My goal is to be authentic regardless of outside opinion. Happiness from a healthy space is what I am working on now.

I’m starting to understand my codependent tendencies and how I feel resentful in my relationships because I don’t get the same energy back. I make unnecessary sacrifices in my life for people and feel angry for them taking advantage of that. I see now that it was my choice to make those sacrifices and it comes from an abandonment anxiety

Right nobody says " When I grow up I wanna be a recovering codependent." It's a journey unlearning bad behaviors and relearning healthy ones.This is a heavy lesson lots to reflect on

The level of clarity! Makes me so forgiving to my (ex) because I realize we are all broken people who need to learn to heal our own childhood scars

"Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They're either lonely, they're missing somebody, they're depressed, they're hurt, they're scarred from the past, they're having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn't believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting here reading these words, and I'm writing this for you so you don't feel alone anymore. Always remember, don't be depressed about the past, don't worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today's not so great don't worry! Tomorrow's a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. Have a nice day!"💕🙏💗

I was codependent due to anxious attachment and now I'm in the recovery phase. I made an important step one day when I didn't feel despair for not being in a relationship. I simply felt satisfied with my life as it was. Since then I have tried to keep that feeling with the thought that the right man will come at the right moment. No need to be stressed out.

I dont think ive ever ever ever heard such a complete and thorough breakdown of codependency....thank you for filling in the missing pieces by tying together attachment styles, addiction and codependency.

It's important to note that attachment issues are intergenerational. So there's an irony (or logic) to the fact that parents are effectively teaching kids something they aren't aware of in themselves. Attachment is programmed into your behavior unless you become aware of it. So a lot of anxious/clingy parents are acting that out with kids. A lot of avoidant/emotionally unavailable parents are acting that out with kids. A lot of parents are acting out an anxious/avoidant dynamic in front of their kids, and not teaching them what repair looks like or healthy boundaries in relationships. For some of us who received large doses of all of the above, NO WONDER WE'RE HAVING RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGES. I think it's important for parents to literally become aware that to your child, you are a god. You control most of their world. So, in a sense, your commitment and ability to accept your child is crucial to healthy development. It's also SUPER IMPORTANT to understand that this should give us a compassionate view of our parents, ourselves, and everyone. This is not about parent shaming - quite the opposite - it's about accepting that we all have unconsciously learned (in childhood) ways of being that are not ideal. I'm agnostic, but you could say that if anyone deserves a break and some compassion, it's god. PARENTS - Give yourself a break, but also make-up with your child and teach them about feelings and communication! Relationship safety is paramount! 2 books that I think should be required reading for parents are Raising A Secure Child, and How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.

I’m suffering from this and just faced the rejection and abandonment of my co-dependent 4 year relationship. Now I’m feeling the raw emotions I’ve ran from since I was a kid. This time I’m going to heal, as long as it takes.

For one hour you described me like you knew me better than I know myself. Every relationship in my life, like you witnessed them. Lots of work to do now. Thank you!

"the caregivers were unable to cope with life on life's terms" Whoa....so true...this is the main cause in the person's childhood that triggered codependency.🙏

That’s me! The need to take care of others over oneself. Stemming from an insecure relationship with my mother. I was her fourth at age 19. She only had it to give to the first two. Too bad because I turned out pretty good. Had to divorce them 5 years ago for my own strength. I’m 65 and pretty happy.

Outstanding! I mentally “get” it. Emotionally….well the work is ongoing.

I never thought learning im codependent by a relationship I wanted so bad to work fell apart would be a blessing in disguise learning is so empowering.. Not overnight of course but eventually it does feel like a black cloud lifts after doing work .

The book "Codependent No More" by Mellody Beattie has been very useful in my struggle with codependency. Pro tip: As you read through each chapter take notes so you can quickly refer back to it later. This is helpful because each chapter deals with a topic that codependants struggle with.

Me too, I felt deeply lonely. I sacrificed me for company . The terrible need to break free caused me to want change. It's so hard and scary, but through all these negative emotions, I remained focused. I didn't let my emotions control me. Stay focused. Don't let your emotions control you.

Yes…..I continued in an abusive relationship because I felt I couldn’t exist without him so I tolerated anything that came my way, I chose to stay rather than be alone, I didn’t consciously choose it but now looking back I know that’s what I was doing. Without him, because I was consumed with the relationship, I felt that I didn’t exist. This is the 1 st time that I have heard this explained so accurately. Fantastic content and video.

Thank you so much for this. None of my needs were met as a child, and when I talk about it with my mom she rails or yells like I'm doing something wrong🙄

My dad didn't want me and resented me. I never felt anything but fear, discomfort and shame around him. He was my worst bully, not because of the severity of the things he'd say, but because of the nature of our relationship and my dependence on him.