Why men don't matter when it comes to this one thing

I've been able to change my style quite a bit in the last 2 years, after re-discovering thrifting & consignment shopping. (I was scarred in my youth.) I am rather surprised at the different reactions I am getting from the public at large. I get treated noticeably better when I put more effort into my clothes & style, but who treats me better depends on what I am wearing. Women generally react positively when my clothes are a) especially flattering, and/or b) interesting, regardless of flattery. I get lots of compliments on my odder/more dramatic choices from women. I get this. I appreciate people doing interesting things with their clothes & compliment them, too. Men generally react more positively when I am dressed in a more traditionally feminine manner. For me, this means skirts & dresses. I don't get compliments, but I get a lot more smiles, better service, doors opened & the like. What's interesting is that the majority of men seem to be repelled by the interesting/dramatic clothing, regardless of femininity or flattery. It's like some kind of warning label that I have a personality. However, the men that like interesting clothes a) REALLY like them, & b) like interesting women. Including my partner of 28 years, which works out well. I think if I were single, this would be a great way to screen men! Those men will stop me on the street to let me know they like my look, which doesn't happen much otherwise. In all cases, I'm dressing for myself, but I won't lie, I am enjoying these benefits!

Early in our marriage, my husband wanted me to wear heels all the time, not just going out to dinner or events. I made a deal with him: I would buy him a pair of high heels and if he wore them an entire day, at home, at work, going to the store, then I would wear mine. He laughed, but I found a pair in his size and brought them on. I made him try them and walk in the house. Funny how the subject of my wearing heels all the time never came up again. LOL

Pleasing everyone but yourself is exhausting!

Since I’ve turned 40 I’ve been trying to dress nicer, because it makes me feel confident. I started tucking my shirts in and wearing a belt whenever I went out. My husband who’s style hasn’t changed since the 90’s cannot understand why I would do this. He would scowl and tell me to untuck my shirt because I look too fancy for our rural mountain town and I should dress down to fit in. For months I would wear my shirt untucked around the house and then tuck it in as soon as I left. Finally I got fed up and just told him to let me be myself, and dress the way I want because it’s not about him. He hasn’t said anything since.

You are sooooo right! Yesterday I was meeting a friend for lunch, and I dressed up to please myself. (I wish I could send you a picture, cause I'm sure you would agree that I looked great!) As I was climbing the stairs to the restaurant door, an elderly man with a cane (although probably younger than I am at 78!), stopped and said to me, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I love your outfit!" Of course, I was pleased, but mainly because it just made me happy to hear that my pleasing myself can sometimes please others as well. However, it's not necessary. Most of the time when I go out dressed like I want to (with many style tricks from you, dear!), no one comments or sometimes even notices, but it's ok. It pleases me and makes me happy! Thank goodness for you, Diana! You really have helped me be happier in my old age. Nothing gives me more fun lately than watching one of your videos, then pulling a bunch of clothes from my very small closet and mixing and matching things I'd never thought would go before! Thank you so much for your videos and for YOU!

THIS is the speech all young girls need to hear! Aspire to be a whole person! ❤

Your viewpoint is a healthy one.

"I know what you're thinking. Don't do it" 😂😂😂

Diana this was so on point. I am an entertainer, a blues singer who spends a lot of time on stage and blues is kind of a male oriented world of music. Many of the female singers dress so sexy and it actually looks uncomfortable and silly to me lol I dress classy with a little edge. Though I have been told I should wear shorter, tighter and low cut clothes by others, even my band mates.. I say no way. I am going to be true to my self!

I'm 54 . In my late teens and early twenties I was in some pageants , did some modeling , was a victim of long term violence and had a pretty substantial eating disorder . Every moment of every day I tried to twist myself into a shape that would be pleasing to others . Today I'm taking care of my health , healing my mind and spirit and trying to allow myself to discover who I am and what I want . That includes how I want to look . It's a worthwhile process . Instead if feeling panic about aging I've realized that it can free me from having to be the object of " the gaze " .

We can’t dress to please all the people all the time, but hopefully we can dress to please ourselves all the time. ❤

I do not and have never cared about catering to men. Life is too short. Be yourself and draw the people to you that bring that same energy.

Do we need a “Fill Your Happy Hole Day”?

“I know what your thinking, don’t think it.”😂 seriously though this is a great topic! Thank you!

I always try to dress to avoid attention, but whenever I do that, I feel like I'm not being my true self. I dressed down often and I ended up feeling quite low too. I love my tshirts & jeans but I love more of my feminine, flowy dresses. I always confuses myself! I wanna look good for myself, not for others, and I just hate unwanted attention, but I know the clothes that I love wearing will attract attention. I change many times so I won't be the center of attention whenever I have to socialize, but it always kills me inside because that's not what I want to wear, for me, for my body.. This has been an ongoing battle for me for years 😢

I don't have a problem pleasing a man I'm dating. I've never had any extreme requests. One guy remarked that I didn't wear skirts often enough. I told him that's because I only had two. So he took me shopping and, after great deliberation and thought, bought me a skirt, blouse and a pair of tall high heeled boots. He had excellent taste and I wore those clothes for many years after we split up. So if your man asks you to dress in a certain way, tell him to take you shopping and foot the bill!

🎯 …Absolutely! I dress for me, and do not follow the latest trends. I get lots of compliments about my style … it gives me a spring in my step and it’s the same style I’ve had for years/ decades 🥰 I love Papaya … SO cute … she has an adorable Mummy 🇬🇧👍🏻

Yes! We are nobody's better half. They are not our better half. We are whole. Someone should enhance your life not take half of you away. Aiming for a happy whole. Maybe it's more only you can fill your happy whole.

Hilarious…..Happy Hole….I so believe you cannot look to others to make you Happy….not to say that there are not people who bring you some joy. That joy will have to be on top of your own happiness. My favorite person at work had the most eclectic style, other co workers would comment on her choices. She was similar to you, she wore her bandanas, scarves and mixed things I would never have thought of …..she was such a joy to be around. ..

Love it Diana! So true and so positive! It took me a long time to find myself again after a very painful divorce I didn't want. I finally did, and decided then and there that I was going to be happy just as I am. Just me. Dressing as a Queen Baddie is one of the things I'm working on. Sod the elegant, or the sexy, I dress for me! Of course there are days I do want to be elegant, or sexy, and I'll dress accordingly, but it'll be my version of elegant or sexy. I'll still be me. Whenever I feel the need for someone else's opinion or approval, I ask my dog. He always agrees with me! 😉 😂 PS I have Papaya envy!!! She's just too adorable for words!