Tips for Understanding a Partner with ADHD

What is most bothersome to me is the spouses complete lack of empathy for the great amount of stress, frustration, and depression they cause on the non-adhd spouse. Like why are you so grumpy? Because I’m exhausted! Well that’s your problem.

Videos like this recently have finally made me understand my partner of 7 years. I have some guilt as some of her habits have been frustrating and I never understood how deep it goes. We’ve had many arguments about her habits not changing. Now I feel kind of like a jerk. Had I knows years ago I would have come at it from a more understanding angle and wouldnt have seen it as not caring or lying. I truly feel terrible that I didn’t understand how much it can really effect a person. I sat down with her recently after she showed me some of these and promised her I’d start taking a different approach when she does certain things and she promised she’d work on trying to notice when she’s doing those things. But know I know not to get irritated. She also has a habit of not being able to express herself properly, but she finally opened up to me about a lot more and a lot of things started to make sense. So now our main focus is on proper communication. That way I can understand what’s going on with her at whatever time and work with her in a more productive manner. I made a promise to not argue about it anymore and to not see it as her simply not caring, being lazy, etc. I really just never knew what was actually going on with her to the fullest extent. If you’re dating someone with ADHD, be patient with them if you really love them. I wish I could go back and do it all differently. I must have made her feel so bad at times because there was no proper communication to know the true root of the issues. Do research into the topic, it’s quite eye opening to say the least. I feel like I now know her better than I have the entire time we’ve been together.

Support for partners and family members of adult ADHDers feels super lacking, thank you for this video.

I really needed this. I walked away twice from my marriage because I didn’t understand and I couldn’t deal with it. We are still together today and continue to work on understanding one another. Thank you for the efforts that you may to help others.

OMG I always knew something wrong was happening with my husband. He was diagnosed just months ago. But this is the most challenging subject in my marriage for sure. Sometimes I feel I have sooo much resentment and other moments I feel I have to come down and understand. It's soooo challenging.

As a woman with ADHD, reading these comments about spouses at their wits end with their partners breaks my heart. I have so much love to give my partner, but I know how much he hates my forgetfulness and my impulsive ways. I even hate myself most of the time.

Realized this subject should be taught to all teachers. As a prof I realize I could have helped so many students who struggle with issues like all along and find it so difficult to carry on with their academics. please do one for teachers, some one somewhere will benefit

My wife of 37 years, says its been like having a 3rd child, that has never gotten out of puberty. She is a Mental Health Nurse, bless her heart ❤

My ADHD husband will not admit to the realization that he could have ADHD. I am at the point to see him as a companion in the home who can only do physical work when asked. He has his man cave, and his comfort is TV, sodas and potato chips. He forgets a lot; He cannot lead a home and project and plan for the families economic future, but only plans for the annual vacation since he was a child; His communication is non-existent; quick tempered, stubborn, ignorant and don't want to learn. I can say more, but my expectations for our relationship is down to zero.

As a person with ADHD I do think it's important to remember that ADHD is on a spectrum and not everyone has the same struggles or interactions with their partners. It can also happen that the overhelping and caretaking of a nonadhd partner is a problem. Just saying (not black and white)

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this video. It feels like many people in relationships are not at a stage where couples therapy feels natural, and even if they did, it feels daunting to find a couple's therapist who understands the impacts ADHD can have on a relationship. I cannot recommend Dr. Tschudi's brilliant and helpful advice from this video enough - it's a must-watch.

I’m dealing with this with my boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years. But it does get frustrating at times. Our main issue is he loses focus when trying to multitask or keep appointments of being on time. The other main issue I have is he sometimes gets upset when I cut him off in main conversations when he keeps going and going on a topic. I really appreciate this video. It helps me understand that I’m not alone in going thru this.

Just met a lovely lady with ADHD and I am doing some research. This is the BEST help that I have found so far. Thanks so much!

Grateful from the bottom of my heart. Feeling, that now I finally got support and advise I was so missing. Thank you 🙏

I’m revisiting this video for the 3rd time in one week. I have recently learned of my partners ADHD. We had patterns of unhealthy behaviors. Both of us incapable to resolve or communicate simple differences. My self reflection has been very therapeutic since beginning to learn about ADHD. Thank you so much!

I have ADHD. I absolutely Hate when my husband repeats himself like you recommend. He entirely disregaurds my feelings, questions, and comments. This is extremely disrespectful.

Very validating. Thank you. A 40+ marriage and two children that ALL suffer from ADHD has exhausted me. I have tried EVERYTHING with little success. I’m now now working on withdrawing from these relationships and focus more on self. No one cares for me more than I.

Thank you. Very informative/helpful! My partner expressed this week how he wants me to research more on ADHD & I came across this video. I said there’s a lot of info about diagnosing ADHD with someone going through it but not on how to be the spouse of someone who has ADHD. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone & seeing his point of view- trying different tactics/ways to improve. I think what was resonated with me is it’s not asking for permission but being thoughtful & showing empathy in asking- how to change my approaches/thoughts with my ADHD spouse if that makes sense.

I appreciate the comments from those with ADHD. Helps me see your side a little better and have more compassion on my spouse. Thank you

I have always struggled with so many of the things mentioned in this talk, but the one that I really have a difficult time with is being distracted over the most insignificant things. I will take the trash out, and on my way to the trash I'll notice that the plants need to be watered, then I might check the pool chlorine, then start pulling some weeds, all while the trash bag never got replaced and I left the hose running on the plants. It is RIDICULOUS, and I know that, but I have no clue how to stop! It's been like this my entire adult life, and it affects my relationship in so many ways, especially when I tell my husband I will do something, and then I will either not do it, or only do it half-way. I don't have commitment issues, as once I commit to something I DO it, but for some reason I don't know how to prioritize sometimes and it really causes issues. I also interrupt SO often trying to finish what he is about to say and I recognize that I do it, and apologize, but then continue to do it throughout the conversation. It drives both of us crazy. The only way I have found any type of remedy to my forgetfulness is writing lists the second I realize I need to do something, and crossing off items from the list as I get them done. This is especially helpful when I have school work, appts for the dogs, work stuff, kid stuff, etc.. it can get so overwhelming sometimes that I end up just doing none of it and then breaking down because I did nothing all day when I had so much to do. I have been considering going to a provider about this, but my biggest concern is that since I present myself so well, I have pretty good success in life and school and what not, that I won't be able to describe to the provider how much this impacts my life well enough for them to consider treating me in one way or another for ADD/ADHD. I have been living with this so long, it feels hopeless to try to make it to the doctor's office in an attempt to get help, so I just don't go and suffer through the struggle.