How I Found Out I Have DID

Jonathon sounds incredible. I would NEVER in a million years think to engage with an “imaginary” voice and try to reason with it and ask it what it wants. That’s so smart!!!

I keep writing stuff and deleting it. I'm scared to share. But I'm happy I found your channel. Thank you.

I'm also ADHD and while I used to have great memory, now it's pretty awful, especially during stressful or traumatic situations. It's like I remember what's going on during the moment, then as soon as it's over, the majority of memories are gone and it's just a snapshot or two of what happened. I also highly suspect having DID or OSDD-1b due to the presence of alters. I'm just always stuck in a limbo between "well, maybe I heard about systems and made everything up as a coping mechanism" and actually recognizing myself as a system. Being a system is scary, but in a way, not being one is even scarier because it means my amnesia and inconsistent personality states is something else entirely lol. I'm not quite sure if DID or OSDD-1b quite fit, though, because I feel like I have more amnesia than typical OSDD-1b systems do, but I'm not sure my alters front enough to qualify for DID. More than feeling like separate people take control, it kinda feels like I become those people. Partially. Part of it is me becoming them and the other part of it is me watching them do stuff while I'm sitting there zoned out, but not really gone, either. Does anyone else experience their alters in this way? So many other systems talk about it feeling like completely separate parts which scares me because mine just feel super blurry and blended and not as clear cut, I suppose. Like, they're definitely not me and have very different personalities and identities, but also couldn't really exist on their own? It's kind of like we all revolve around each other and depend on each other to exist.

I don't have DID, but I have had significant, long-ranging trauma and have had some weird experiences similar to yours. I believe we all live on a spectrum of forming internal identity! DID is rare, but some dissociative identity I think is common and no cause for alarm.

I’m surprised your channel isn’t larger you are a decent speaker and relatable

New late in life discovered system here and so many relatable things here! Thank you for sharing 💜

Hearing your husband's initial reaction was so awe-inspiring. The understanding he had for you right off the bat, even not knowing the details of a potential diagnosis... So amazing. You have quite the partner in life, yall. So happy for you <3

The disconnection to childhood me is very relatable. My siblings remember a set of ten years that i only have vague flashes of, and know of intellectually. I had gotten into a dangerous relationship, ages 16-21, and i spent a lot of time terrified. I assumed that created some sort of issue remembering. After that relationship, though, i experienced a repetition compulsion, and found myself with others who were dangerous. This pointed to an issue in my family of origin. I still dont know if something happened; i know my parents, one passed and the other would never tell me if something did happen.

Hearing you talk about DID makes me feel very safe. I have had similar experiences with the voices , where they argue nonstop. And then whoops, (for me) now the know they exist. Ones ashamed of the other. The other just wants to live and be weird and another ones got control issues (over the system and body). And also i never felt anger until i was 16. Very mellow child. Didn't know that could be bc of trauma. Also yeah idk how to deal with anger too and im bipolar

I found you on tiktok, you were the first other system out there who I have seen who i felt like hey I really related... those OMG yes thats how it is for me. Similarly to you I was 34 when my system was reactivated 35 when it got to point i broke down and told my therapist... i love seeing how well your system seems to be working together it gives me hope that maybe someday the fighting will stop or at least ease up. Again Thank you!

I go into dissociative episodes when something happens that I haven't learned to handle. I'm in one right now. Something about this video keeps pulling me back. I think I need to learn how to process emotions, just like you did.

Very nice! I'd like you to clarify something. It seems that you are implying that "learning" to switch is a valuable skill. If that's what you meant, that seems to set you apart from some others who see switching as a symptom of an illness, rather than something that helps you get along. I also have an uncomfortable relationship with anger. I used to think that anger was strictly a bad emotion and it seemed like I always got into trouble whenever I felt it or expressed it. I've been learning to feel and express anger in a healthful way. If you haven't already, I would suggest checking out Pete Walker's essays on emotional flashback management (on his website). I've found that most of the time when my anger spirals out of control, it happens in the context of a painful flashback.

It must been a very confusing time for You! Thank you for sharing your story. It probably wasn't easy to remember back some of the situations and emotions from that time of your life, but for sure you've gone a long way in your self-discovery, healing and communication inside.

Sending good vibes your way, thank you for sharing your story.

I know that this is an older video but I just want to say that this video is so validating. I suspect I might be a part of a system, and a lot of your experiences, especially in the beginning, are very relatable. Thank you for making this video.

this was so encouraging and informative. thank you very much!

I’ve never heard of a system having this experience, of being the host and actually having to encourage a switch. I thought it was normal for DID people to have switches and blackouts throughout their lives. Is it possible to have altars and never hear a peep from them for so many years? You often hear of people saying “in retrospect it makes sense”. But in this case, it seems like there was genuinely no switching in your adult life until you started going to therapy. Sorry if this is insensitive, I’m just worried because the only thing that has kept me from a OSDD/DID diagnosis is that while I sometimes feel like there are others...I’m always in control.

Wow, thank you so much for your courageous sharing. I'm relating.....I'm not exactly sure what that dynamic is. I've been exploring trauma and IFS work. I also didn't feel anger until I was 23. So I was very struck with that. That you very much again!

i rarely ever allowed myself to feel anger either - perhaps another "noodle" felt it for me - i relate to this video so much, you have no idea! thank you! @valididmovement

I relate in this to a lot of things, and I'm really afraid. Once happened, that I felt like a small child. I just wanted milk and hot temperature. I have a traumatic past too with PTSD. And I think Im genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a strong adult men. Should I talk about it to my therapist? And how can I communicate with these voices when I can hear them, but I dont understand what they are talking about. What should I do?