A Key Sign of Dissociative Identity Disorder – with Kathy Steele, MN, CS

Until I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2008 I walked through life without noticing or considering that how I managed was any different than anyone else. I studied psychology at university, did research in Beth Loftus' lab and never realized that my inability to remember the vast majority of my life was abnormal. I have no "full" memories; just pieces that circle around in the funnel cloud of my mind and ever so often I'll hear something, see something, smell something that sends a piece to my conscious awareness; a still photograph of one moment in time. There are several really bad/scary pieces always lurking in the background; but always in pieces...no full memories not one birthday, holiday etc. What you talked about was what I was told in 2008; I have no ability to process long term memory...the memories are there but they are "misfiled". The woman who diagnosed me disappeared and I have been unable to find anyone since who understands anything about complex trauma or dissociation. I now rely on channels like yours and The CTAD clinic on youtube. Thank you for your further input.

I’m not going to lie I went to my therapist over a year ago and when I described these symptoms, I broke down crying when she said ‘have you heard of DID?’ I had a diagnosis of CPTSD and thanks to her and a lot of work, my parts have been identified and now work well.

3:52 "Dissociation is about hiding from yourself" ❤ Thank you!

Its like i have these conversations with people, and dont rememebe that they happened... but the other person does, because i say the same thing again

Think another listen for myself. Overwhelmed is an understatement. I’m so tired of waiting and keep trying …. And no funds or physical ability

I’m coming from the other side here. My sister was diagnosed after some 40 years. She and I suffered through traumas at the hands of others. We were close because we had to be. As an adult, her narcissist side took centre stage. The relationship between us became toxic over many years. It’s been a struggle to get myself away from what had become a coercive relationship. I love her, I know she loves me, but she’s made it clear she doesn’t want me in her life unless I submit. And I cannot do that. I did that for too long. She’s generally refused support, therapy or medication. Most times she denies, misdirects and gaslights. She will not engage. She can present really well but has burned so many bridges that I know she will find it hard to come back. I’m not here to judge, but to learn. I need to understand why this happened. Why I lost my best friend. I know I have chronic depression, severe social anxiety, addiction - bless my therapist I’m working on it. But I need to understand what is going on with her to balance the person I know and the person I see now. Thanks ❤

My wife has DID, I wish there was more help for her/us. We are separated again because her persecutor alters just destroy good relationships self sabotage is an understatement… I wish there was more help out there for us. Thank you for this video more people need to know

I recently learned I have DID/OSDD, undiagnosed at this point. A month ago my PCP informed me I have tried 25 different headache medications. I have no recollection of any of them, nor do I remember unexplained pill bottles. A couple days ago I took my meds, turned around to look at the clock, turned back around and had no memory of taking my meds. I have since adopted methods to keep me safe around medications. Medications alone are a trigger for me. Weird. Also, take the advice to take it slow. These are wise words. I learned I had DID 15 times in a single evening. It was about the most uncomfortable expirence of my life. I would not recommend a note on the bathroom mirror approach that my alter took.

Well, I would say that the percentage of chronic suicidality/attempts in DID, the ease with which they can decompensate, and their frequently exceptionally low level of somatic awareness DOES challenge the average therapist. Never take on someone with DID without skills, supervision, and a very, very good seatbelt!!

i came out of intrafamilar child torture out of age 14, i was ripped away from my torturer and thrown into the first “safe home of my life”. i went through every stage of learning about my brain with my now diagnosed did system partner, starting with a mushroom trip at the beginning of 16. i don’t have the memories of it but i understand that i was aware of my “depression and anxiety” as early as 6. i learned what bpd was a few months before tripping and researched for hours and hours for the next coming months. i’m dissociating as i type this my brain feels blank but i’m aware of these facts of my life right now. i thought wow that just explains everything, the minute to hour mood swings that just didn’t make sense, not remembering huge gaps and decade of my life, dissociating from life and my body, the child like tantrums, the horrible paranoia, and intense fear of abandonment that felt like it was him again. i learned what bpd schema modes were and thought that was the exactly what was going on. i would go through cycles when i lived in the “safe house”, that was extremely unsafe in normal terms but nothing compared to my childhood homes. something would happen, an intense trigger for a child alter that made us feel like we were there again and extremely unsafe. then the little would sob and sob to my partner terrified and then i just felt like i was being thrown into reality and i would feel the tears on my face and wipe them and stare at my partner. we moved out of that house and were homeless for a month. one of the first nights in our new home a little fronted completely alone and talked to them and sobbed. that same night we had a dream that was a memory she has from a sā from our torturer, we felt every single emotion, the fear, arousal, paranoia. it was a regular thing and that was clear. i me 18 do not have any memories of any sā. my torturer is now a convicted felon, with dozens of charges to be filed when i have more control. she woke up and screamed, our partner comforting her. and then i was there. after hours of dissociating through the day i was sitting my my new safe age re closet ( that’s also what we had tonight was happening prior to figuring out being a system) and staring at a barbie poster and the little alter started hyperventilating reliving the memory. since that night i go through stages of denial extreme, this was probably 3 months ago. but then the cycle happens again and there are once again words coming out of my mouth that i can’t quite hear most of the time and a reaction that is not mine. i get upset and call my self bad and hit myself. there are persecutor littles in my system. there is a 16 year old who is stuck in time in our old room with our dog who died after we were kicked out and homeless. there is a hyper sexual 4 year old. there’s caretakers that take over when i’m not here and kept us alive as a child. i’ve put hours and hours of research into this but i don’t have an option for help at the moment since i don’t have insurance. my partner was diagnosed with did at 17 after months of intense emdr and trauma therapy. they have saved our life. we are learning to work together and help and realize that we are safe and the reason we found out now is because this is the safest life has ever been by a long shot. we are living away from every single abuser, but a lot of alters still vividly remember trauma and i get a weird flashback but it’s just one image but i know what happens, i’ll see a bed sheet or a car seat but no memories that follow just an overwhelming chest body cold or warmth of what i’m remembering and i’m there and it’s where i am right now. anyways just looking for some advice or help on how to work cohesively with child alters. and to say that things can get better, starting to unlock my system is saving my life.

Very comforting video for DID.

I was originally misdiagnosed with bipolar 2 at age 18.and at age 34 received a proper diagnosis of did and ptsd with no bipolar. Ty so much for posting this!!!

I have dissociative disorder and you're exactly, if we are automatically assumed and directly have to go back into to space pushed or feeling rushed, it won't do.

I have great spatial memory, but pretty bad event memory. I also don't remember most of my childhood (I'm 27). In 2020, I thought I had DID to explain my several states of consciousness (different personalities and feelings states). I have no emotional reaction to traumatic memories. (For a long time, I've been able to turn off my emotions when they get too extreme, whether that be by potentially switching or by dissociation). I don't trust my own thoughts to be my own, as in, I do not know if my feelings are merely absorbing the ideas of others instead of being my own thoughts. I'm whatever others need me to be, but I can't stand doing it. Sometimes it feels like this body is somebody else's, and I was mistakenly given the wheel.

Thank you so much for talking about this. We have been professionally Dx'd and have spent a Long long Long time in therapy (off and on) until we 'finished' (?) therapy (as our previous psychologist told us, however we were surprised to hear that). We chose to be (what she called) a 'high functioning integrated system' which somehow means, we chose to remain a system but we (now) have accomplished being able to (more often than not) communicate with one another, negotiate if need be about life changing decisions, or even in most cases, chose to switch (b/c someone wants to play a game, or someone wants to go have coffee with one of our friends). We do still 'trigger switch' (if we are triggered) and CPTSD she said will probably be a factor for the rest of our life. All that said, everything you said in this video, Chef's Kiss!! The approach you talk about was the same approach our psychologist took with us, taking it slow and letting us reveal ourselves in our own time with no pressure or anything. She was legit 'fine' with 'who ever' in my system walked into her office. Again, thank you so much, it's mental health professionals like you that make a difference to those like us!

GREAT EDUCATIONAL VIDEO ABOUT HOW PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE THEY DISASSOCIATE THEMSELVES..... ABUSE, NEGLECT, TRAUMA CAN & DOES CAUSE DISASSOCIATION.... ESPECIALLY (** ADVERSIVE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES =A.C.E.S.

We are so thankful for this video. Thank you so much. It so hard to find accurate information anywhere besides trained professionals in DID, im glad there a least one accurate source on YouTube where everyone can access it! /g

As usual, Kathy, you are so helpful. Glad to hear this presentation. Thank you

I don’t have DID but I have chronic dissociation as a response to trauma. I was afraid of what was happening to me. When something would trigger me I would start to feel like I was in a dream, my surroundings weren’t real, or that I wasn’t real. It was terrifying. I thought I was the only person experiencing this and I was only about 11 years old.

Best explanation I have heard on this issue.