pov: you deserve an apology ~ a slowed playlist

pov: you deserve an apology ~ a slowed playlist

The people who manipulated me to think I hurt them. They gave me trauma, trust issues, mental health problems. Yes they don't deserve an apology but I still gave it to them...

me: i deserve an apology! Those thoughts in the back of your head: but do you?!....

Sometimes I wonder why did all this happen to me? What did I do? What did I do to have these empty promises ? What did I do to be the second chance, if I’m not useful I’m useless? What did I do to be isolated by everyone? What did I do to be forgotten? What did I do to never be given an apology? What did I do to be body-shamed just because everyone around me are slim? What did I do to be shamed for how I eat? What did I do to be shamed of what I eat just because I’m a little chubby? What did I do be treated like this???? That’s the thing… T h e y D o n ‘ t K n o w

I don't deserve an apology The people who I hurt do.

Props to the kids who were starved from affection as a child till now. Y'all are doing great ♥

I was crying while listening to this and realized

0:00 - 2:28 - Violent by carolesdaughter 2:29 - 5:16 - Sex money feelings die by Lykke Li 5:17 - 9:57 - Another Love by Tom Odell 9:58 - 14:12 - Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood 14:13 - 17:53 - Always Forever by Cults 17:52 - 21:45 - Sweather Weather by The Neighbourhood 21:45 - 24:30 - Unfair by The Neighbourhood 24:30 - 28:31 - Reflections by The Neighbourhood 28:31 - 32:41 - Sorry by Nothing but Thieves 32:41 - 37:56 - I Was Just a Kid - Nothing But Thieves (edit: that was a lot more likes than i was expecting. glad to help :>)

I owe myself an apology for putting myself through this

TW // Narcissism, mentions of suicide, self-harm, and heavy venting. I don't usually do these types of vents, but I realized that things have been getting a lot worse, so I might try this out. I was that one kid who was basically perfect. I had the perfectionist teacher mom, amazing grades, I was super creative and I loved art and gardening. I was nominated student of the year every year all in elementary school. I was popular and pretty, and I played violin and piano. I did amazing under pressure, and I was amazing at listening to others. At first I thought this was a privilege, which of course it is, but it comes a lot of prices. I was constantly pushed to my limits, and seemed to never be enough for my mother. She wasn't my biological mother, but she's always been there for me, so it felt like she was. After growing up a little, I didn't have many friends because 1, I was slightly narcissistic , and I could never hang out with anyone. I'm about to turn 17 an I have never slept over at another girls house. Growing up, I could never spend time with people after school, and the older I grew, the more I started to resent my mother. I remember it was 7th grade when my parents started to talk to me about my biological mother. She never wanted me, and for some reason that hurt me in ways unimaginable. The reason my mom wanted to tell me about her was because she had hung herself. That messed me up a lot. I'm not even sure why. That's when I started losing my spark. It triggered depression, anxiety, and a lot of other unhealthy things. I tried my hardest to keep going, but I wouldn't tell anyone. Girls in my class were talking about self harm. They said it relieved the stress and made things better, so I tried it. I cut myself with a razor. It was never too bad of a habit, only an occasional thing, but my parents knew about it. My mother knew I was hurting myself, yet she did nothing to help me. I had lost all my motivation, my will to garden or read or do anything. My grades started to drop, and I became severely depressed. I started to fight with her, and it only made things worse. I remember some of her words so clearly. "Why couldn't you be more like _______, she's perfect.(she was referring to my cousin) " "Look at you. You went from student of the year nominee, to this." "How could I ever be proud of a daughter like this". I had gotten so sad, and I had no one to help me. So I tried to overdose on my anxiety medicine. I was sent to a psych ward and got extensive therapy. My mom and dad got a divorce, and now I'm slowly starting to heal. Sometimes it feels like its working, but other times(like now) I feel like a complete failure who just spends their life in their room ignoring responsibilities and constantly drowning myself in video games. I'm missing so many details but they aren't really important. I just needed to do a quick little life sucks vent Ok wow, if you read all that I'm impressed, and I hope you have the amazing day that you deserve

Vent I'm a big sister of a little sister, she's six years old, She'll throw tantrums that i have it better, but she doesn't know what I went threw, my moms friend had to call the police on my mom cause she was so drunk, the police had to take her away, i was scarred, she almost hit me with a bottle, my moms doing better now, but my little sister calls me stuff like "Ho3, s1ut, mistake," etc. it hurts it really does, i wish i wasn't here. I wish i was with auntie, she made cookies and cuddled me, i wish i was there right now.

I deserve an apology from when my dad bc he gives me my anxiety when he talks about school and he doesn't even know it so it gets worse and worse to the point where I started hiding my anxiety and depression from other people that I wasn't ok and eventually I started hiding it from myself so now I think that there's nothing wrong with me but everything is wrong with me i have to take anxiety pills and no one can tell I'm hurting :,D

i made macaroni cheese, who wants some?

its odd how it feels comforting like how when you hug someone but it doesn't feel like their there, what does it feel like to cry without it being about you being overwhelmed or scared half to death i wonder...

I remember when I had those friends that said they wouldn’t leave me but then replaced me, talked about me behind my back, said I’m annoying, they think I’m stupid, pretending to care when we were friends. Where has the times gone

Vent: You made me feel like it was my fault I was only a kid I wanted to help Wanted to help so bad that I felt like dying if it meant you would be redeemed in your eyes I left Finally You taught me that my empathy will be the storm that sinks my ship to the sandy pits of darkness where you came from I tried to pull you out of the waves but instead you pulled me in And now You still appear from time to time Like a siren calling Begging For me to come back But now there are others that I need to help Want to help I remember I stopped caring some point along the way But I can’t know something and not do anything What did you actually want me to say? I recommended seeing a preofessional but you said they never help and never would Every time it got heated you’d tell me to say ‘go talk to a counsellor’ and hurl it around like it was my fault It was my fault I left you worse than you were But at least we’re drowning together, right? As our breath runs out and lungs shatter I’m still here, no matter how far I try to run from you.

part 2 of the list in case people can't find it in the thread of replies: 37:57 - 41:59 - Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Alex Sloan 42:04 - 45:06 - Surrender by Natalie Taylor 45:08 - 50:12 - All I want by Kodaline 50:14 - 53:08 - Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina (Feat. Adriana Proenza) 53:15 - 56:14 - Get You the Moon by Kina 56:16 - 1:00:37 - Sweet Creature by Harry Styles 1:00:37 - 1:05:59 - I Found by Amber Run 1:06:10 - 1:09:40 - Run to You by Lea Michele 1:09:41 - 1:13:49 - Two of Us by Louis Tomlinson 1:13:50 - 1:18:19 - 18 by One Direction 1:18:20 - 1:22:20 - Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

it's hard to say that i deserve an apology, considering that i've felt like i deserve nothing at all my whole life.

Honestly people gave me trust issues and anger issues and emotionally detatched problems.... ive hurt so many people because of it... im toxic by nature... and i honestly dont know how to stop myself

I love that sweater weather plays twice in the playlist cuz I love that song and it fits well in the video