What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About Fatherhood | Marilyn York | TEDxUniversityofNevada

I had my son when I was 18. His mom and I were together for a year after he was born. Things didnt workout. She was abusive. She tried to keep him away from me. I constantly visited but she refuses to open the door everytime. I fought and represented myself in court for 3 years. I saved every receipt, photos, school awards, etc. At first, I was only able to see him on Every other Sundays. Then it turned to every other weekend where he would sleep over. Then I requested for more time. It became every other weekend and every other Tuesday and Friday. The last mediation on May 29, 2013, I requested for every other weekend, monday, Wednesday and Friday. It was approved. From there she started to slowly fade away. She wouldnt show up for the exchange. Got plenty of notes from police officers for a no show. Total neglect. So I took matters into my own. Enrolled him in schools and other activites while I went to work. She would pick him up here and there but there was a time where she forgot to pick him up from school. They called me at 7:00 pm. He was 4 years old at this time. She didn’t reach out for a year. He’s basically lived with me since then. I am 29 now and he’s 11. For any fathers going through something similar, Your child deserves to have a good father. Don’t stop fighting. Whatever it takes.

"Advocating for fathers isnt about diminishing mothers." Thats a fckn statement that should always be remembered.

When I divorced in 2002, I insisted my ex get half custody. My friends were baffled, but he was a devoted and active father. The judge would have given me full custody & my ex only every other weekend, but I was adamant he get half. It sure wasn't easy to deal with him, but our child benefitted and that was what counted most.

My mother was neglectful when I was young and my father took custody of me. He was a 44 year old man without much experience wth children and he suddenly found himself raising a 6 year old girl all by himself. He really stepped up and I will always be deeply grateful. I loved him more than words can express.

it's funny how society mocks women with "daddy issues" while at the same time refusing to acknowledge the significance of a father's role in a girl's life Edit: yes not just girls but it is more established that boys need strong male role models in their life, and it’s not as vocalized how much girls need the same

Here's what we also need to realize about this talk: She never tries to take anything away from the women. She just wants men to have the same chances.

“Advocating for Fathers isn’t about diminishing Mothers.” Truth.

I love that as a society, we need data, research, experts, psychologists and lawyers to explain to us that dads are important

Resentment between A husband and wife should never reach the child.

Just look the difference between how we celebrate mother's day and father's day

I got great advice when I became separated and started the divorce process. My friend is a marriage and couples counselor. She told me 'don't ever refer to 'jane' as your 'ex-wife' in your thoughts or out loud. Always refer to her as 'the mother of my children'.' She explained that when you think of her as your 'ex-wife' all the reasons for the failure of the marriage just get brought right up front again and again. This leads to nothing but resentment and unconscious bias in interactions. When you think of her as the mother of your children? The first feeling is gratitude for that. It helps smooth a lot of troubled waters. It keeps things focused where it belongs on the kids. I passed along that advice to my kids' mother. She thought it was a good idea and we both asked our friends and family to do the same thing. It has been AMAZING what a difference in makes in how we co-parent. After 10 years now at family events I've had members of both our families come up to me and say 'it is so awesome that we can come to these things and never feel like we're taking sides or feeling uncomfortable around you/her and your family because it's always just about the kids'. If you don't do it now. It's not too late. Stop carrying around the anchor of a failed marriage/relationship. Start focusing on the other person who helped you do the greatest thing you will EVER do in your life in being a parent.

This killed a guy I knew. He was one of the best people I ever met. His wife was vicious through & after the divorce. She'd take the kids on vacation on the weekends he was supposed to have them, w/ no warning--just vanished. Once she installed a new SIM card in her daughter's phone so the father's messages wouldn't come through...then she took the kids for a 2-week holiday. The last straw was that he hadn't seen his kids since Christmas 2021. He was supposed to have his children over the weekend of his birthday in April. She disappeared w/ them again, didn't answer his calls. When she finally did pick up & he asked, "Where are the kids?" she said something along the lines of, "If you were a better father you'd know the answer to that question." There was a custody hearing set for the Wednesday following his birthday, but he knew the judge & the laws were biased against him, since he "hadn't spent much time w/ his kids since Christmas" & it looked like he was slacking on his visitation & involvement. He h**ged himself Tuesday night. His last message was a voice message to his daughter, telling her how much he loved her & her brother & how proud he was of them. His note read, "Keiner nimmt meine Kinder weg," "Nobody takes away my children." The ex-wife is my next-door neighbor. He tipped the chair over, but she tied the rope.

People must begin to see the greatest privilege of all: having two parents.

Wonder how many mothers tell their kids “your father left” opposed to the truth of “I’m keeping you from your father and will call him a dead beat so we can share misery”

When she said "now erase your father from all your memories" i ended up crying :(

Growing up in the 60s with both parents in a nice neighborhood I thought thats how all kids lived. I came to realize just how incredibly lucky I was.

"Fathers are crucial, yet laws and society undervalue their importance in their children's lives." - This is impactful.

I lost my son during my divorce. The reason was "the mother is the natural care taker". I then was forced to pay child support. Welcome to America.

I was given a choice as a teenager...who do you want to live with, mom or dad...joint custody had been a nightmare for years. It was the easiest decision I ever made. I chose my dad and it's the reason why I'm a successful, productive member of society today. My mother was not a good caretaker and my dad did everything in his power to make every effort to be there. It comes down to individual situations, but I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to make the decision for myself.

People don't "need" their father or mother. They need more than that. They need a GOOD and SAFE father and mother.