How to live after your soulmate has died | Michelle Thaller

I'm 23 years old and almost out of nowhere my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (she is currently 56) and maybe has another 3 years left. For context, my parents got divorced a few years back under pretty traumatic circumstances and my dad is no longer in my life. I also have no siblings. My mum is functionally my entire family and I'm getting mentally prepared to be truly alone in this world in my mid twenties. Needed this sort of content. Thank you.

oh my.. I can't imagine the amount of courage it takes to get in front of a camera and be so vulnerable. BIG respect to her

I’ve never had someone describe grief so perfectly, the way she says the world moves on when yours has stopped.. the thoughts and the feelings and all of it. Never had someone just say it so perfectly. Thank you.

"When the universe began, I was holding your hand. And when the universe ends, I'll still be holding you hand." this is so beautiful.

I lost my wife to cancer. It's been 2 years and It's still so painful. You described it perfectly: suddenly feeling like I'm on a different planet, with everyone around me going on with life and me feeling invisible. I will try letting the pain happen...Thank you for this video.

My first real bf, I met in college. We were each others first for so many things. We moved in together, he had a job lined up before graduation. As did I, im an RN. We felt so "grown up" and happy, always laughing. We lived together just over 4 months when he was killed in a car wreck on his way to work one Tuesday morning. I blamed myself. And had a lot of "what if" guilt. What if I stalled him by a few minutes then he might still be alive. What if I hugged him 1 extra time, what if I didnt hit snooze a few times, what if, what if.... I dont really remember much of that day. Bits and pieces. It felt like an out of body experience. As if, at any point, someone would say JUST KIDDING!! But no, it wasn't a joke. Then, bcuz we lived together, every regular daily task I did, I was reminded of him. I was having multi breakdowns over the days. His toothbrush, his razors, his clothes, his shoes, his hair stuff, his colognes. Seeing them every day was like ripping the band aid off all over again. What should I do with them. I can't toss them, they were his... He wasnt the love of my life but his loss made me realize how precious life is and to take NOTHING for granted. We told each other that we loved each other, those were the last words we spoke. Thats the memory I keep, as a reminder, of how great his presence was. This was almost 20 years ago. While it doesnt hurt as much, its still a pain. And I allow myself the ache, as its a reminder of one of the most magical times in my life 🙏🏼💖

My wife died a little more than a year ago from cancer. We were married for 22 years. I really like the analogy of the broken vase with the gold fillings - the vase will never be the same and there is a beauty to it. And yet anyone looking at it will know that it was never intended to be built that way. Friends and family will always ask me to move on, well, I will move on, but what they don't know is that there are some parts of me that enjoy the grief and don't want to move on. The other day I had a dream. I was walking around in the kitchen at home and noticed a room that doesn't exist (at that point I knew I was lucid dreaming). She was standing inside looking at me, the chubby version before the cancer took all the chubbiness away. I asked her what are you doing there, and she didn't say a thing, just gave me a shrug. I went on over to hug her for as long as I could. Hope to see you again soon.

Loving someone that deeply is being aware that it will only ever end in heartbreak for both you. Either you die or divorce. Loving someone is knowing that you might be absolutely shattered as a person after they are gone—but choosing to love them anyway.

I lost my wife last year. She was only 41, and it was sudden. The hardest thing for weeks was knowing I woke up one morning and she was fine, and not a few hours later, she was gone with no warning at all. Even these days I still see the face of the woman who smiled and could just give me a look that told me she wanted a kiss, and then the face I am grateful my son never saw. About the arts, and how they help us deal, and find a path forward, I completely agree. I'm an indie grimdark author. My wife used to listen to me read every chapter to her after I finished one. She was always my first reader. She would get so excited and tell me "My book! You're just the one writing it." I would always laugh and agree because it always sounded so adorable. It would make me inwardly swoon. So, I keep writing, believing she's watching every word I pen down, because she didn't want spoilers. I laugh when I imagine her telling Supreme beings and older spirits that she won't listen to them spoil the story, even if they do know what I'm doing. Part of her charm was how stubborn she was. But it really is my way forward.

I lost my wife five years ago to cancer. She was 40 when she died. We were highschool sweethearts. This was helpful for me. Thank you.

I lost my husband August 2019. I’m still not the same without him. I sleep on one side of the bed. I talk to him like he’s here. He was only 55. We were married for 35 years, together for 37 years. And I always feel bad when I accidentally call our son his name because he is the spitting image of his dad. It’s a heartbreak that never, ever goes away. 💔

Lost my beloved husband of 40 years almost 10 years ago. The pain I felt was so enormous I didn’t understand how I could be in so much pain and still be alive. I went to private grief therapy and 2 bereavement support groups. I read books and articles on grief. I learned to meditate. I got weekly massages and acupuncture. I tried anti-depressants. I wrote in my journal. I walked and cried daily. I have come a long way but grief never ends.

I’m so sorry for your loss, Michelle. I’m 80 now and have lost many friends and loved ones. It does get easier, less painful. But you never forget them.

I still haven't gotten over my mother's passing and that was in 2020. Grieving during covid is a strange experience. Not being able to visit in hospital and then the unexpected death really did something to me. Like one day she was here and one day she was gone without a good bye. There's a quote I try to think of from Cicero "the life of the Dead is placed in the memory of the living"

My soulmate passed away 5 weeks ago in her sleep. She was my love and my life. It happened suddenly and unexpectedly. I can’t even express the emotions I feel and no one will truly understand as they do not have any idea the love she had for me and me of her. She was my rock, and she knew everything about me, my whole life and I knew her life. That was built over time and can never be replaced. I miss her so much and the hurt gets stronger each day.

A friend of mine is a funeral director. A common trend he finds is family and friends are very supportive in the few days after a loved one dies. However the day after the funeral you are on your own. There is little support for the post-funeral grieving process. Yet you are expected to move on as if the death never happened.

I lost my wife my best friend of 48 years, last month (Nov 17th 2023) the pain I feel right at this moment has been the same since her passing, I'm constantly wanting to join her, so we can be reunited again.

My darling husband/carer died almost 6 months ago. Even as Christian’s, it is a great loss and the emptiness I feel is terrible. The hours are so long day and night without him. He was the love of my life,

My wife died 2 days ago. Can’t live without her. !!!!!!

Sorry for your loss Michelle. I've been there. Lost my wife in 18 days due to cancer. What you say is a sublime way to honor your relationship with your late husband, and to honor life, and respect death. We all love you and wish you the best