Adam Hills - Australian accents

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Published 2008-01-01
Australian Comedian in the Melbourne Comedy Gala Festival 2006, discussing accents.
Some of those who are interested in the script or find it hard to understand, out of the kindness of my heart (well mainly out of procrastination and lack of motivation with my life), I've got the transcript typed up below. Freely point out if some of the words are wrong.

I am aware that as Australians we do have the most annoying accent on the planet.
I am sure you are aware of, for we all do.
If you're aware we all go up at the end of every sentence, cause we're all too insecure to actually make a statement.
So we have to make it sound like it's a question. Cause we secretly need your approval. Even when it's something serious.
"Suzzy got eaten by a shark."
I'm afraid there going to be high court judgers in 30 years time handing out verdicts going "I found you guilty of murder."
And you know what we do here in Australia? I didn't realize 'till we went overseas. We ask questions that don't need answering.
"How nice was the weather today?"
I didn't know we did that until I got to England. I was with a group of English people
"Oh, how heavy is that rain?"
They just looked at me..
"Really heavy?"

I think Jesus might've been an Australian. I think Jesus might've been a Aussie and we've just been reading his scriptures with the wrong inflection. Maybe Jesus walked out in the Sermon of the Mount and just went "Ohh, how blessed are the meek?"

And of course the irony of it all is that we're always so arbituary about the languages we speak in Australia. We were almost colonised by the French. In fact we were almost colonized by the Dutch.

The Dutch arrived in the 1600s but they arrived in the part of Western Australia when desert basically meets ocean. The Dutch basically walked off their ships and walked around going "Well this is ridiculous...we cannot grow marihuana crops here." They sailed off.

The French arrived 150 or so years later, but they arrived in Botany Bay, next to city harbour but kinda like swampy, marshland. The French looked around going "Well I agree with the Dutch, this place is shit. [mimics French]" They sailed off.

Captain Cook arrived in Botany Bay but in a rare display of British optimism. He looked around and went "Well it is a bit shit, but I think if we go around the corner if might be nicer." Although to be fair, I have done my research, Captain Cook would not have sounded like that. Cause Captain Cook actually came from Yorkshire, which means the first words heard by English people upon sailing to Australia would've been "This place is focking shite!"

All Comments (21)
  • @slyfoxie55
    The worse Australian accents are people trying to do Australian accents.
  • @johnhart8856
    the Dutch; ... "vwell, thish placsh ish ridiculous..."
  • @jq747
    How funny is Adam Hills.
  • I love the way that Aussies bastardise names - eg, Damian; damo. Stephen; Stevo. Gilbert; gilbie. Darren; Dazza. Frederick; Freddo. Brilliant 👍👏🏽👏🏽
  • @LJY08
    "This place is fooking shite!" - I could just imagine Cookie disembarking and thinking "what have I dooooooon!?'.
  • @ellen3131
    The Aussie accent is the best in the world. I absolutely love it!
  • @jonnavdpas
    When he started speaking in that Dutch accent I lost. my. shit. laughing!! I'm from the Netherlands, so it was extremely funny to me because we actually sound like that.
  • @keiralee7930
    'this place is fucking shit' hahahah 😂😂😂😂😂😂 that never gets old
  • @chardymel88
    That bit of British optimism is so true! xD
  • @ellielouise6247
    I quite like the Australian accent, it's actually one of my favourites. It's so much better than a plain old English accent like mine.
  • @SuperNoX86
    I love Aussies as a Welshman and everyone here and when I lived in England too said Aussies are nice people. It gets a bit tense whenever rugby or cricket is mentioned but still it's a great country. Adam Hills is a top bloke!
  • @embracerace
    He's truly an Aussie legend. I love when he pokes fun at sign language translators. Free smiles for everyone (I laughed my self sick). Brutal treatment. :) "Good on ya."
  • @Laurenne94
    As a person who lives in Yorkshire.. I can say this is 100% correct.. 
  • To all Australians: Don't let Adam make you more insecure than you already are! Your accent is perfection. As a Brit I did love the line "In a rare display of optimism"- yup, that's us, glass half empty and never get our hopes up.
  • @nlknok77
    "This shit's ridiculous, we cannot grow marihuana crops here." Totally. Lost. My. Shit! Genius. Greetings from Den Helder, Netherlands. The birthplace of William Lonsdale, founder of Melbourne
  • @Daisywa1
    Adam Hills is probs one of our greatest comedians! Loved this!
  • @czerbniak75
    Aussies whose I met were straightforward and honourable.