Defunctland: The Bizarre Garfield Dark Ride

The ride being deliberately made mediocre for capacity reasons is the most Garfield thing ever.

"Too scary for many children and too Garfield for many adults" also describes me

the one text being completely blurred out (presumably for being extremely graphic) followed by a genuine "Hope this helps!" Made me lose my mind laughing. This was an incredible watch.

"update it to appeal to modern audiences" is a phrase that should be accompanied by ominous thunder and lightning every time someone says it.

I'll never get over someone's last vacation before their father died being spoiled by Garfield sex

I love how Kevin usually is deappanned and straight forward in delivery, this topic clearly broke him, especially the sign being a mascot. That pushed him over the edge

The fact that there might be people out there who were conceived in the Garfield Nightmare Tunnel is hilarious.

“Armed with a flashlight and a disapproving stare” I CACKLED CAN YOU IMAGINE— I would shit I would be so embarrassed if some teenager getting paid minimum wage cock blocked me in a tunnel of love lmao

"Kennywood employees were given a plastic bat, and instructed that if they saw the naked buttocks of any rider, they were to smack them..." The original "Bonk! Go to horny jail!"

“The fluorescent splatter was deliberately put there and not the result of 103 years of bad aim.” This is it. The best joke Defunctland has ever told

“if you can be seated within arms reach of another person, someone has found a way to do something on that ride” is so sinister

The fact that a young man could kiss his boyfriend in safety for the first time because of the Garfield Dark Ride is both emotionally moving, and absolutely hilarious.

I got so invested in the history of Tunnels of Love that Garfield arriving felt like a bag of bricks to the head

I don’t think I’ve ever heard Kevin so passionate about anything as when he said “YOU CAN MEET. THE SIGN.”

I can imagine the employees back then be like. -Let me get this straight, you are going to pay me money from your own pocket to spank people's bare butt in a dark tunnel as soon as I see them. -Yes, that's basically what I said. - I fucking love this job.

25:54 "Anyways, that was the last vacation I went on with my dad before he died so hope they enjoyed themselves" Jesus Christ

I love Viacom buying Garfield and being like “I want him destroyed entirely with video evidence”

"Today we're going to be talking about a garfield ride in the early 2000s..." begins with the history of picnics in the 1800s That's the indepth type of lore I can appreciate

I love that roughly 50 years before the meme, Kennywood was bonking people sending them to horny jail. But as a kid I rode this with the skeletons theme for years and never knew any of this history. It was just a great way to start the day because it was a slow ride before the coasters opened, the line wasn't usually long, and it was right at the iconic entrance tunnel. The last time I went on the ride in 2012, I was most definitely going on with the intent of some of that iconic romantic time. But we were so surprised and impressed by the art put into the unexpected Garfield theming, that we forgot our original intentions and just came out pleasantly surprised at the overhaul.

You know, with his stoic, deadpan, documentarian delivery, I always forget how funny Kevin is until he just casually drops a precision-guided joke that absolutely levels me. Every. Single. Time. And then he can manage to tie the whole crude, wild thing up with heartwarming nostalgia AND stories of people being able to feel, maybe for the first time, comfortable in their own skin. This is A+ work. Goddamn.