Does High IQ Mask Autism? | Unedited

things I heard growing up: you think too much

Having a high IQ makes it easier for others to ignore issues. That has been my experience. It only goes so far before folks like us crash and burn.

High IQ helps you to fly under the radar during your academic years, especially if you have good memory as well. You get good grades which "helps" you to get away with being quirky and weird.

I’m 62 and still desperately trying to get a diagnosis. My perfectionism was amplified by a father who repeatedly said, if I received only a 98 on a test, that I “blew it again.” I know I am ADHD and autistic, and highly gifted. The trifecta of highly functional dysfunction.

Imagine my surprise - being an almost all As student in college- entering the work force and realizing I’m completely dysfunctional. It’s devastating. I look back and realize how hard I’ve had to struggle my whole life, and it just gets more difficult. Maybe one day I’ll find my niche.

Girl, I feel like you just completely described my childhood. Complete perfectionist, teachers pet, people pleaser, overly sensitive, etc. Even to the point of shutting off emotions when they become overwhelming. I am 50 and was diagnosed with autism at the beginning of August. It is such a relief to be able to look back through the lens of ASD and understand why I was the way I was. I learned a long time ago that I was "different." That I thought differently. I remember arguing with math teachers as I tried to explain that their process was inefficient. In the end, I had to give up and do it their way or fail the assignment. I am just starting out in this journey and honestly scared to unmask for fear of not knowing who I really am... Thanks for all you do and share with the world.

We had this gifted thing in the UK too. It was so bizarre, "let's take the most intelligent people from each school and then put them all in a room and have them do undirected group work without a concrete aim". What the hell were they hoping would happen? It was pure hell for me.

I just realized I am a copypasta behavior person. I thought that is how everyone learns to act around others 🤷‍♂️ no wonder it always felt weird when I did that 🤣

It's so funny to me how many women on the spectrum I have heard mention band/choir/drama groups and how being part of them greatly helped their school experience. It's almost like we intuitively seek out the activities that will help us learn to mask and blend in with others and come with built in friends who have similar interests (and are probably neurodivergent too). It definitely helped get me through my school years 😅

I really like the unedited format! Seeing you work through your thoughts in a similar way that I work through my own is so comforting

Wow! I felt emotional when you talked about getting picked on for receiving so much praise from teachers! I felt ostracized at points at school for this. I think being high achieving in a mainstream neurotypical sense can prevent people from seeing the support we need. Thanks for this, Tay!

Yes, high IQ makes me a better actor, better to predict what other people expects of me, what I should be saying or do, when to STFU (instead of saying the first thing that comes to my mind), etc. Even the psychiatrist wasn't quite convinced I was on the spectrum. It also makes me more aware of how fundamentally f*ck*d up I am.

I relate to this SO much it is eerie. I am the girl who "ruined the curve" in my classes by getting 100% on the tests. I was described as shy and quiet, etc. I am 62, at this point I am self diagnosed ASD and am in the process of scheduling a professional assessment. I flew under the radar my whole life and am burned out by a lifetime of masking. I have lived with Crohn's Disease since my 20's and now know the correlation between auto immune disease and ASD. This journey is quite a trip and I am so relieved to now have a "map".

I spent my entire life watching people and wondering "why the f**k are you doing that?" and not understanding how they simply couldn't see the patterns and how what they were doing was inefective. Also couldn't understand the massively negative response I got off them when I suggested there may be a better way. Constantly told "you make me feel stupid" and why everyone was so insecure instead of grasping progress. I know I could be wrong and embrace being shown something better, I don't take anything personally. Got to my late 40's before the penny dropped. F**king exhausting...

I'm 20 years older than you and it's like you are speaking about my life story. I don't have an official Dx for autism but all signs point to it. Things I did as a kid in the 70s; rocking, head-pounding on my pillow every night to go to sleep, all sorts of food, light, sound, and social sensitivities, but it was the 70s so there was no awareness. I was also, the "good kid, an exceptional student and, like you, figured out whatever the "system" was a adapted. It's nice to know there are so many of us traveling through this life. Thanks for being real and relatable.

At 5th grade graduation, I was given an award for being the only person in the whole school to get 100% on every single assignment and test and didn't miss a single day of school in all 6 years. I had no idea why I was getting these awards and had no idea that it was a big deal. They even gave me money. I just went on with my day. The rest of my school years were average. But I thought it was funny that I was the top student but was just in my own little world and had no idea.

The idiom you were looking for is “It’s like nailing Jello to a wall.” Autistic infodump: I know you didn’t go into this, but for anyone interested, the history of IQ tests is pretty bleak and sad. They sort of developed around the time eugenics became popular, and to this day there are giant problems with how they are presented and used. Some issues include how economic status affects your score, and being able to get a better score by taking it more than once. If it really measured generalized intelligence, then external factors wouldn’t affect the score as much as they do. I don’t think I have to explain how bad eugenics was for autistic people... Anyway, “The Mismeasure of Man” is just one book that delves into the problems with quantifying intelligence and how it’s been used to exclude certain groups of people. 🌟 The More You Know 🌈

Oh my god, the way you describe your study methods... we would have made the best study pals and set every curve out there. I never read the textbook (because of untreated ADHD) and simply studied the homework, paid attention to the vocabulary used in the section (they were in bold letters for christ's sake), and then figured out how the vocabulary interconnected with other vocab words and the system as a whole. I used to be baffled that no one saw my autism back in school, but looking back I can see clear examples now: Like the time a fellow student who had attended the same school with me for four years picked up my progress report and point-blank asked me "How do you have a 117% in AP psych? I thought you were slow or something." Annoyed, I explained to him that the teacher set the curve based off the third-highest score and because I would get 20-30 points higher than literally everyone around me, I would oftentimes end up with whacky test scores. To pour salt on his neurotypical brain wrinkles (or lack thereof), I told him that I purposefully had to take 0's on certain projects just to balance out my grades. I'm 33, and also diagnosed at 31. Despite being a white male stereotype, "flying under the radar" was my bread and butter. I felt like I was the "mascot" in every class and "Othered" is a perfect way of describing it. I was given attention because I stood out, but I always found myself alone at the end of the day. This is the first video of yours I've seen, so I know nothing about you outside of this; but I sincerely hope that "mom on the spectrum" refers to the fact that you obtained your diagnosis through the fact that at least one of your children (likely a boy) was diagnosed and the self-research you put into the diagnostic criteria made you pause and think to yourself "Hey wait a minute... this sounds familiar..." Autistic moms definitely make the best autism moms and your kids have every chance to have it better than you did.

11:50 that really hit home, many people think people in the spectrum can't understand emotions, but I'm very good at it. Except not only I use it to please people (I do that too, and yes, it's very draining, and very unhealthy), but when I'm angry I also use it (and after that I regret it instantly and feel absolutely guilty) to say exactly the most hurting thing to the people I care, because I can read them so well. Then I think "you f**ng did it again, ace" and I can go on bashing myself for another week and make everyone around feel miserable. And maybe I have the right to be angry on those occasions, but how I use emotional intelligence to leave someone in shambles is awful.

Yes, I've done the "Okay, I won't" reflex an infinite number of times in my life, and my innards have long paid the price.