Don't Get Sucked Into Conflict: 11 Tips to Handle Difficult People - Terri Cole

Do you have difficult people in your life? Do you find it hard not to take their stuff on as yours? Let me know below!

Oh yes. You are so right Terri, it takes way too much of our time and energy. My MIL only calls to complain about the same thing she’s complained about for 36 years. She doesn’t want a solution, she wants to complain. Just last week when she started complaining, I called her out to say “ I know you’ve been dealing with this for a long time now because you mention it each time we talk. Perhaps its time to talk to a professional because I don’t have the solution.” She was annoyed but really! Venting should have an expiration date.

I like your honesty about setting boundaries and about people who want to be angry or a victim. Stop trying to fix them. Who has time? Love this.

I dump such people whether friends or family. The energy wasted in putting up with them is too draining.

I really like this, because I always thought I would be "strong" if I get loud and defensive and stood up for myself, when in reality it is so much more powerful to stay calm and reasonable. ❤

I try to be super supportive with people who are hurting emotionally and find myself getting sucked into their dark vortex, its emotionally draining in fact. Im learning the need to establish boundaries with the "Boundary Bully"🎉

I have a cousin like this who was a close confidant before but over time became very opinionated and dismissive. After a tough breakup, she took my ex gf’s side in blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and the breakup. I chose to create distance and didn’t talk with my cousin for a good 4, 5 months. She didn’t like that at all but I’m keeping it that way because my sanity matters.

How kind to invite me to introduce myself… Thank you for teaching how to deal with difficult people… I want peace and joy these days in my life no more trauma and drama

So helpful! Just let them be with their misery. I have a senior parent like this and to let him be with his misery is the best advice I’ve heard. He has all the care he needs and then some but there’s always a complaint. Just let it be

Thank you Terri. This is so right on. I have a daughter that does this to me, and she is is a huge boundary bully. She has turned my oldest granddaughter against me as she gathers her “army” of people that validate her cruelty to me. She is extremely rude and disrespectful towards me. I thank you for the important tips that I wrote down!!!!

Ok, you're hearing from me!! 😅 I have a very beloved friend, and we used to have great conversations about all kinds of positive stuff. Ever since.....politics, covid, economy, etc. I shun the phone. No matter what, she'll get into ranting and spewing for a LONG time about all this stuff, and it's always the same old negative topics. She often calls on her day off of work - kind of to check on me and connect, which I appreciate, but the endless barage of just shit is outside of my living in peace boundary, especially as I'm recovering from a major health issue. I find myself not answering calls from her and not picking up the phone to call her too, which really feels isolating. I've gently talked to her about it, but it doesn't seem to change. I feel a bit of resentment, as though she has robbed us of any quality girlfriend time. I'd like to do this better for myself, and for our friendship, she is a solid, true blue friend, I really love her, and she's good people. Are there any more tips? I'm reading the BBB. I am a largely recovered codependent/helper. I have little taped up signs all over my walls (even ON the phone handset), saying, "Disengage; no opinion ", or, "Just say no, it's OK", and my favorite, "Do YOU even want to speak to someone right now"?, etc. 🤣 thanks for all your help. I was on the edge of my seat with this episode and playing it several times.

I also like that we can stay lovingly attached without taking on their stuff. That is awesome - I don't want to detach totally from the difficult person (due to who they are in my life), but I don't want to be weighed down by their baggage. I am practicing setting health boundaries with that person. Even though I can see it bothers them. I also advise them to get a counselor - telling them I am not equipped to do that for them. I repeat as necessary. I am feeling free for the first time in my life. Loving my life.

Another great video, Terri! Thank you! With the help of your book and videos, I have really set and upheld my boundaries this year. It has been so hard to do as I am a people pleaser and an HSP, but I finally realized their issues and misery are not mine to take on, fix, change, etc. I no longer care if they are pissed off at me for setting a boundary. They'll get over it! 😁

Nice advise. I love in a homeless shelter I feel as though this video will help immensely! Thanks again.

I will hear this over and over take notes and apply to keep my sanity…. From your previous video realized that I’m codependent and have issues with my mom, was feeling ok after got married and moved out then moved all the way to west, have two of my daughters 28 & 30 yrs old where I try my best to have healthy boundaries ( another issue of mine that I set boundaries but give in so easily), now for past 7 years my mom lives with us and as much as I do to keep her happy, she loves to complain, mumble out loud which triggers my childhood wounds and I loose it sometimes with her, while I try to be perfect example to my daughters of loving caring daughter trying to keep her mom happy at age 78, I grew up hearing my mom wishes death and here I am at age 55 who’s becoming a grandmother soon, still hearing my mom’s complaints, when I lost my cool few times I told her” if you don’t want to live, either don’t take your medications on time or take them all together, as much as I love you, I can’t make you want to live….. how more insensitive I could be.😢 I’m devastated, I can’t keep everyone around me happy, I realize it’s not my job, I’m trying to become a helpful mother and grandmother, plus to keep my mom in her space to stop interfering with my daughters life, I can’t be the peacemaker anymore…. Sorry for long comment and that you again for your videos Terri ❤

Thank you :) I ended a friendship because of that. I still love the person, but I love myself. I don't want people like that in my life. I want harmony, peace and if not, being able to communicate in a loving way or else it's a deal breaker for me.

I can agree with this but to me its hard to always ignore i have a sibling that i just had to give up on because she always had a problem with me. Got to a point where i felt bullied! So i think with certain people distance is necessary for your own peace. Or to keep you out of jail 🫣

I’m a positive projector.

These people are family. I have had to remove myself to protect myself. I am overwhelmed by guilt but I can't do it anymore. I have a family event coming up and I have so much anxiety around potential conflict.

I got so much respect for you especially with your no bs approach. I will try de-escalating conflict with my narcissist mother. I've been trying everything method over a decade now