Esther Perel in ‘Where Should We Begin?’: Episode 1

He chose to travel when she said she was lonely. That was the end of it.

The biggest communication mistake people make is believing that communication has taken place when it hasn't.

Time never exists itself .. it’s what happens in it ..you have to give it meaning ...you have to shape it .. So true !!!

What a clever way to teach about relationship issues, yet protect the participants.

That bit at the end: "your kids are watching you. They're learning from you" was so moving.

Ester Perel. You are inspiring. This is art: You put so much wisdom condensed into few words. This is doing enormous impact on therapy. Thank you!!!!!

There is no validation in this man. He does not say I am sorry I love you. He does not say it. This is what women want to hear. I have hurt you and I am sorry and the actions change. In most cases we just go back into the relationship hoping he will change but he keeps doing it his way. He does not go out with her. He travels alone. It's painful. I feel this woman.

Ester I feel you were off here. This man deserves what divorce court is going to do. First he says no he didn't talk to her before the affair then later says oh yes I did try to. Can't stand the double mindedness

They don’t hear each other at all. You must integrate yourself into your partner’s experience so that they feel heard and validated. Brilliant, empathy creates intimacy.

He said that he felt like he lived a double life with his parents and that became the norm. I’m guessing he did things behind their back not meaning to because of course he loved them , it was survival for him but he was also not heard and he did say he cheated in other relationships because again double life seemed normal. I believe he did what he did because the double life is natural for him it would not matter who his wife was. That is something that he should deal with if he wants to stay faithful. I learnt this about my self , I’m speaking from my own experience and for that I thank you.

When I was done.. .there was no recovery He wanted to have what he through away with no consequences This is giving him a right to keep what he threw away. HE SCREWED UP NOT YOU.

This was amazing. Thank you so much 😍😪🙏🌺✨🌿💗

Esther Perel is an outstanding counselor!

wow.. this is so helpful. Thanks for sharing! We need more of this examples really to learn from

Thank you so much for this. Deeply appreciate your authenticity!

I love the way Esther unpacks everything

Did this man apologise? I may be wrong but I don’t hear remorse. He rather centres around what was missing for him rather than his action of betrayal. Her wounded-ness is analysed rather than really seen and accepted and held. I don’t feel much empathy for him I’m afraid. And I don’t think her pain has shocked him enough to change.

Heres the thing once resentment goes unaddressed the relationship is over. After going through this I can tell easily his lack of remorse and willingness to take accountability for the pain he's caused. There is no instance in recovery that pushing the both parties are to blame narrative is productive. Trauma from betrayal is very real and intense and when its not been made apparent that the unfaithful has honestly chosen to stay for more than it being easier and It was only brought into the open because he was caught its sooo hard to believe they are there for the right reasons. Trust is a strange thing because while its possible to trust in some aspects the fact is you know what they are easily capable of doing and the person you married you did not have that realization. Bottom line is the unfaithful has the duty of remaining with them in their pain without making it about themselves and how hard its been for him.. How strange Esthers approach is here rather than first addressing the pain of the betrayal and setting a coarse for heathy healing.. She's called him out saying that's a lie yet Esther seams to take everything the cheater says as the truth. ID bet money you could ask the women he was cheating with to describe sex with him and it would sound very similar to the sex he says he hates with his wife.

Love it!

I also think it has a lot to do with upbringing. I am Polish, and this woman being Russian..i imagine that i can relate. My parents were brought up in communist Poland, and it was cold. My dad had to sneak into nazi germany for supplies for weeks at a time. My mother wondering if he would come back this time. My dad said while bringing me up, he wasnt even half as cruel as my grandfather. But my dad also told me that i should die or be killed many times as a child..... Hes not a bad guy...anyway I feel so relatable to this woman but i dont have a marriage and i dont have kids. I was married for 4 years and i was unfaithful, angry, just terrible to my ex husband. But..yea, men in her upbringing is a big part.