Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: I've Had Better
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Published 2020-04-09
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A year after the discovery of his affair, they arenāt fighting anymore, but they certainly havenāt moved on. Esther guides them towards a more honest conversation.
Step into iconic relationship therapist Esther Perelās office and listen as ten anonymous couples in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity to sexlessness to loss, itās a space for people to be heard and understood. Itās also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships. Soā¦where should we begin
All Comments (21)
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The biggest communication mistake people make is believing that communication has taken place when it hasn't.
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Time never exists itself .. itās what happens in it ..you have to give it meaning ...you have to shape it .. So true !!!
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What a clever way to teach about relationship issues, yet protect the participants.
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That bit at the end: "your kids are watching you. They're learning from you" was so moving.
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Ester Perel. You are inspiring. This is art: You put so much wisdom condensed into few words. This is doing enormous impact on therapy. Thank you!!!!!
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He chose to travel when she said she was lonely. That was the end of it.
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Ester I feel you were off here. This man deserves what divorce court is going to do. First he says no he didn't talk to her before the affair then later says oh yes I did try to. Can't stand the double mindedness
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They donāt hear each other at all. You must integrate yourself into your partnerās experience so that they feel heard and validated. Brilliant, empathy creates intimacy.
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This was amazing. Thank you so much ššŖššŗāØšæš
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I love the way Esther unpacks everything
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There is no validation in this man. He does not say I am sorry I love you. He does not say it. This is what women want to hear. I have hurt you and I am sorry and the actions change. In most cases we just go back into the relationship hoping he will change but he keeps doing it his way. He does not go out with her. He travels alone. It's painful. I feel this woman.
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Did this man apologise? I may be wrong but I donāt hear remorse. He rather centres around what was missing for him rather than his action of betrayal. Her wounded-ness is analysed rather than really seen and accepted and held. I donāt feel much empathy for him Iām afraid. And I donāt think her pain has shocked him enough to change.
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Esther Perel is an outstanding counselor!
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wow.. this is so helpful. Thanks for sharing! We need more of this examples really to learn from
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Thank you so much for this. Deeply appreciate your authenticity!
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Love it!
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He says he did not want it to happen so why did he let it happen?
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He said that he felt like he lived a double life with his parents and that became the norm. Iām guessing he did things behind their back not meaning to because of course he loved them , it was survival for him but he was also not heard and he did say he cheated in other relationships because again double life seemed normal. I believe he did what he did because the double life is natural for him it would not matter who his wife was. That is something that he should deal with if he wants to stay faithful. I learnt this about my self , Iām speaking from my own experience and for that I thank you.
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Heres the thing once resentment goes unaddressed the relationship is over. After going through this I can tell easily his lack of remorse and willingness to take accountability for the pain he's caused. There is no instance in recovery that pushing the both parties are to blame narrative is productive. Trauma from betrayal is very real and intense and when its not been made apparent that the unfaithful has honestly chosen to stay for more than it being easier and It was only brought into the open because he was caught its sooo hard to believe they are there for the right reasons. Trust is a strange thing because while its possible to trust in some aspects the fact is you know what they are easily capable of doing and the person you married you did not have that realization. Bottom line is the unfaithful has the duty of remaining with them in their pain without making it about themselves and how hard its been for him.. How strange Esthers approach is here rather than first addressing the pain of the betrayal and setting a coarse for heathy healing.. She's called him out saying that's a lie yet Esther seams to take everything the cheater says as the truth. ID bet money you could ask the women he was cheating with to describe sex with him and it would sound very similar to the sex he says he hates with his wife.
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Please do more!