ADHD and Autism in Children and Adults: The Missed Diagnosis with Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D.

So here’s the thing. Those of us that HAVE learned how to memorize social cues and trained ourselves what is expected behavior in social situations (masking) get incredibly burned out and go into shutdown mode. These shutdowns can last an hour, weeks and sometimes months. We absolutely can not force ourselves to interact causing us to lose jobs, friendships and/or have issues at school. You can teach a person all day everyday how they “should” act or behave but if is not in alignment with who they are and what their true nature is then you’re causing more harm than good. As to the parents that praise their child and then the child has expectations for themselves that are too high…. I guess this can partly be true, but for those of us with Aspergers, we naturally have high expectations for ourselves. Most things that are intellectual come to us fairly easy so when we come across something that doesn’t we get extremely disappointed in ourselves. We then project that onto people who could potentially help us, thinking they will also be disappointed that we didn’t know it and we freeze. Not asking for help. I did not grow up with parents who praised me and still have this issue in myself.

I’m late diagnosed with both. I fell between the cracks because of being female and a very highly camouflage/masking ability.

This made me emotional. This talk explains exactly how my life went. Started school at the top of the class. Everything was so easy, I could read anything , was even taken around the school, class to class, to read for all the teachers. Felt like a performing monkey. As I grew older I became very anxious and preferred to withdraw. As I was older, my artistic ability seemed to stand out and I was treated like a prodigy by my teachers. However, I didn’t really have parents and ended up in a lot of trouble because the world became more confusing as people were also. Trying to cope with it all made me suicidal. I eventually was institutionalised for suicidal tendencies and depression. All this probably could have been so different if only I had some understanding as a child and given proper care. But then that can be the case for any child I guess.

is stifling how much suicide, suicide attemtps and molestation accompanies those of us with asbergers... dealt with this my whole life... our gullible, innocent, ignorant selves are bullied and told to stop being so sensitive. This literally explains my life and struggle and nearly all women misdiagnosed as bipolar or borderline personality or narcissistic or learning disabled To say the pain of being misunderstood, disliked, hated, judged, condemed, criticized, reprimanded, called crazy/wierd/different/quarky/stupid, a bitch, inconsiderate of others feelings, self pitying, pathetic, fake, domineering, to sensitive, over reacting, not listening, lying, and asked to be someone I'm not in order to please social norms has and is excruciating is an Understatement I'm incredibly grateful for the few around me that get me even though I burn them out (imagine being in my life of trauma with this misdiagnosed issue your whole life) and then being told your not allowed to be confident or proud of self when most others have no idea the momenumental effort I've displayed to be a citizen in society and not blow my brains out cause the world doesn't want who I LOVE to be but they find uncomfortable and hurtful I'm extremely grateful I've always had music and dance as an outlet... bc it's safe to stim, be loud /expressive and Alone as a dancer, singer where others can watch and enjoy my gifts rather then be hurt/burned by them Please society stop putting us down just because we physically "look" normal but don't act normal... to many of us ALL neurotypicals seem boring, constrained, inauthentic, robotic, programmed, predictable, judgmental, snooty, privileged, unintelligent, tricksters/lying for pleasure and self righteous. You have no idea how much Accomdating WE are doing for how annoying your social events and shallow small talk is to us.... we just don't shit on it all the time the way you do on us. We show up for YOU not for ourselves. If it was up to us we'd stay home and play with our animals and our own imaginations.

I am one of the missed diagnosis people you describe. My father also. He got his diagnosis after he turned 60. The adhd ruined most of his life it was very sevre and untreated. I had top grades all through school except in math because I hated math and had no interest or patience for it. I had no idea it was adhd or even what that was. I got through all the way to university with straight A grades but inside i knew i was coasting and struggling. I have managed to ge through life in spite of not knowing the name of my "demon" , but not well. Its been an absolute battle. But I have become a master of masking, hiding my shortcomings, emotions, addictions and problems. But i have, in spite of abnormally high iq, not been able to finish any higher education to speak of, unfinished projects pile up, no social life to speak of, financial difficulties and general under achievement and not being able to fulfill my potential. People around me always ask me about what happened to all the great things I was lined up to achieve in life: " oh I thought you where at uni" or "oh I thought she was at the music academy". I feel I have tapped into about 5 to 10 % of my potential. I have been surviving, not living. My mental noise, restlesness and suffering have gotten in the way completely. I'm 39 yrs old now and about to start diagnosed treatment. I'm so hopeful and excited and hope and treatment can change my life in a big way. I am dying to see my life's work come to fruition: I hope the help I can get will be the key to my focus and ability finish work/ achieving my goals.

Being an only child is a different kind of upbringing. For better and for worse. I was better off as an only child as our home was pretty quiet and I needed that.

Both my daughters. I have told my eldest she will have to get herself diagnosed, because the harder I try, the more I am "that mom" and the closer we move to having Social Workers on our doorstep as a "problem family". The school won't help, because neither girl is disruptive, quite the opposite. The older girl used to have a melt down every time I collected her from school. Shaken bottle syndrome. They all assumed she hated me. Fortunately my younger girl is a cuddler and runs into my arms. But she is equally distraught by her inability to socialise. Sometimes she has a good spell, other times bad, and she withdraws. However, in the UK you have to just shut up or pay the consequences. My eldest, I remember going for parents evening and the very same teacher who said she had no problems, showed me her desk. Every other kid's desk was free of clutter, my daughter's was a mass of marbles, stones, string, wool, parts of toys, feathers, that she had collected over time. But a perfectly normal kid, apparently. 😡

Thank you so much! I’m 43 and have searched for answers almost my entire life. Just knowing and having people that post things that help are so relieving! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

As soon as I saw the Joshua case study my heart dropped. I had to stop the video and cry. The only difference is that I was embarrassed about "being smart" and I tried to hide it and pretend I was less intelligent than I was. I never really had to try with homework or anything, and I learned to speak in a way that was relatable to other people. It kind of worked, but I thought about ending it all often. I remember praying, actually praying, that I could be a little less smart. My thoughts were overwhelming and I thought it would be easier if I had less of them. This was before I understood that I was ADHD and autistic.

My family, just screamed at me well into adulthood. To me, I feel like I did more than my best to please them. I told my brother that I had been diagnosed and he was just plain nasty, saying I had another excuse. If they came to see me and seen what I accomplished maybe they would see that I'm not ignorant or stupid.

Bella and I could be the same person. My diagnosis is ADHD, but when I was diagnosed in 1993 Aspergers wasn't yet in the DSM. I flirt with the idea of seeking further diagnosis, but I can never decide if it's worth it. One of my sons and one of my brothers are diagnosed with Autism, and another brother has an ADHD diagnosis from early childhood. My son was diagnosed at age 10, and my brother with ASD was in his late 40's before he was diagnosed. My mom suspected Aspergers since he was a toddler, but didn't bother to do anything to help him. I have no doubt that my other brothers and father have ASD as well. My dad and two of my brothers have genius level intellect, but my brother with ASD and myself don't quite meet that threshold. In high school I learned how to fake normalcy relatively well, but to the point that I come across as dull to people I am not comfortable with. I was prescribed with imapramine as a child, but it basically turned me into a zombie. I tried Ritalin in high school, but it had no effect on me. I maintain that I was never hyperactive, but came accross that way because of my excessive stimming.

The disconnect between the person on the screen not talking, and somebody else talking but we can’t see them, is taking all my attention. That being said, super appreciate this information and the work that you put into it.

My son is also an only child who we have praised him for his hard work. He also has stuggled in some of his gen ed high school classes. He got his very first D this term. While it is important to build up his strengths, we also acknowledge that he has weaknesses and has to work harder than others sometimes. Fortunately, even though his social skills are not as strong as others, the students at his school have really accepted him for the person he is, and he has become very popular. The adults I work at at my school have noted how well he is accepted and liked. I think not only do we need to build our children up, we need to acknowledge their weaknesses too. It is a beautiful thing to see a whole school of children who have learned uncoditional acceptance of people who are unlike themselves. I credit these amazing students, the school, and the parents who have raised good children.

Other kids are mean towards those who they find different - it's as simple as that. Don't blame the victims of mean kids and bullying. Sure, people can be insensitive and not think through what they say, but that does not make them exempt blame. I believe "asperger kids" go though life with very high expectations put upon them and then they expect the same level of thoughtfulness and restraint from others around them. And when that doesn't happen we get mad. And often quite rightfully so.

We learn in a very logical, conscious way and tend not to pick things up by osmosis like neurotypicals, and because no-one bothers to explain social interaction (even when you ask them politely) we're often left in the dark. This is compounded in children as we simply don't know what we don't know. Another thing I never see getting brought up is the effect of bullying and exclusion on the developing brain. I was abused pretty severely as a child and the only thing I could do was tune out/dissociate. Instead of looking purely at brain chemistry and trying to medicate the problem away, look to environmental factors and treat these kids for stress and trauma.

As an ADDer i agree about the medication part. Though I'd like to add the importance of recognizing that different brands of the same substance can make a huge difference! Many adhd ers agree with me on this. There have been many reports on side affects over the last years since changes have been made regarding this subject.

Diagnosrd at 54 A life of trauma and madness At leadt now i know now that im not a naughty lazy las

There's a saying in the autism community that sums it up: "Nothing about us without us". I'm in my 50's and recently diagnosed as autistic / Aspergers. I also test very high on IQ tests - top 2%. I was diagnosed as "hyperactive" back in the 70s in first grade by a school psychologist, and have suffered with extreme anxiety and depression for most of my life. I've had severe social and career difficulties despite graduating cum laude with a professional degree in architecture, and going on to become lisenced and to both teach and practice architecture professionally. Ketamine infusion theraphy litterally cured my anxiety and depression back in 2018. Dr. Brown is fantastic, but I wish there was was someone like me with Autism /ADHD / Gifted IQ included in this discussion. The most important perspective is that of people with autisim when trying to help people with autism. Obviously. PS: Ya see? That snarky comment at the end? That's one of the things I tend to do socially without realizing how it tends to put people off. It's an expression of frustration and anger directed at the way I've been bullied, excluded, and misdiagnosed most of my life. Autism ultimately expresses itself as a set of fundamentally benign but diverse character traits / quirks born of our atypical neurology. The same atypical wiring that gave me my intelectual and artistic creativity made me seem a little odd to typical people. The harm I've expereienced has litterally all come from external social and interpersonal abuse and ignorance directed at forcing me to conform to unwritten yet generally accepted social norms. I'm willing to meet neurotypical society's norms to the extent I'm able to recognize them, but only if I'm treated with respect. That starts with inclusion. #actuallyautistic

For parents looking for physical therapy, occupational therapy, and/or speech therapy for their kiddos: call rehab clinics ahead of time (before the initial eval once referred by your PCP) and ask about the therapist's experience with autism/adhd and if they have taken any continuing education that targets those populations specifically. Sensory regulation is a huge part of behavior for these kiddos and often the key to success, so make sure your rehab therapists are trained in it!

I sometimes wonder if ASD and ADHD type personality traits, which often co-occur in many people, might actually represent a much evolutionary older form of 'normal' in human behavior. If you think about it, in their higher functioning manifestations, these traits can be quite advantageous in the natural environment. The love of repetitive motion and routine (ASD) could have been harnessed for all sorts of adaptive technological things like spinning wool, grinding corn, gathering nuts and seeds, or making stone tools, whereas the ability to be hyperactive, quick and impulsive, and notice changes in finer details of the environment (i.e. distractions within ADHD) could have been clearly an asset in tracking and hunting. Only once cities and civilizations were built upon the backs of these hard-working and talented people, would the evolution of neurotypical traits and social politics become more useful. Has anyone out there ever seen any academic study of this idea? I would love to see a video exploring this possibility. BTW - I am a biologist by training, not a psychologist.