Limerence Flares Up When Life Feels Empty and Sad

Oh Anna, I don't know if you read these comments but I can't tell you how helpful your videos have been to my life. You are such a positive influence on the world. Thank you for sharing your fantastic mind.

There is a saying: “Don’t believe everything you think.”

Only way you can get of this feeling is by loving yourself. I couldn’t find any other ways to fix this problem.

I feel soooo sorry for his wife. She is a keeper, she has a mentally sick husband who lost his job and is now too disabled to work, if I understood correctly. She is his best friend, but he constantly abandons her emotionally and compared her to his ex during the whole marriage. Even if he never said anything, she probably felt it. Now she feels lost, lonely, alone and waits for him to abandon her for good. Oh lord what a sad, sad marriage is this for her. I wish the writer would consider her more and not be so egocentric about his old flame / teenage love and his own feelings.

What’s helped me is remembering that the fantasy person is also flawed but you haven’t experienced their flaws. That helps break the spell of perfection you are projecting onto them

Feels like a drug indeed. The person I was in limerence with cut contact and it made me realize I was filling a vast emptiness inside me with her presence. There wasn’t anything real between us, it was just a bandage for my loneliness. That said I would give anything to have it again, despite my rational brain knowing how bad that would be.

Self respect is the only way to heal.

Honestly, it’s unlikely that the people you had feelings for as a kid have anything in common with you as an adult if you lived your lives separately for any significant length of time

Men and their legendary first girlfriends... first person account here... I'm sad for the wife who spent 25 years of marriage with a man who ws constantly stuck on his first love

I fell into limerence when I felt trapped in my abusive marriage. Once I left I spent a few years trapped in the limerence and that person taking full advantage of it. Learning to love myself and be fully into the healing process was difficult as I went through that. Finding self love saved me or better put, I saved myself with self care and self love. It cleared the fog and that rose colored tint off of my glasses.

You CAN control who you love. Love, real love, isn't positive feelings towards another. It's SO much more and requires actions from you. Love is actions more than it is a feeling. If you fill your life with the correct loving actions, it will be hard for you to find time to do bad, unloving actions. And you will find that you don't have enough time to even think about the "love" you think you have somewhere else. That feeling is lust and nostalgia, not love.

I've been dealing with limerence since I was a kid. Still dealing with it in my 30's. A crush I've had for 3 years just got engaged last week and I've been crying for 3 days straight.

I heard a counselor say that she could tell something was going on in the house if the child bonded to her too quickly. I had a horrific childhood. Some peers called my home the Amityville horror house. I used to fall for people way too quickly and thought about them way too much…creating a fantasy about how happy I’d be if I were with them. You’ve just explained why. Sounds like the case with this person. I’ve been married now 30 years. We are both imperfect people, but aren’t abusive. I’ve heard the rate of divorce and dissatisfaction for a second marriage after divorce is very high. The grass always looks greener from the other side. Raising kids is hard work. We’re now making a list of adventures we’d like to have together.

It doesn't matter how bad a childhood was, but holding a woman as a backup plan for 20+ years is really devastating. I'm only sorry for the wife here. I had limerance in the past but it never really affected other people. Yes, if you are finally in a healthy relationship it scared the hell out of me. But I worked through it and my husband and me are really happy together. I wouldn't trade him for any of my bad relationships of the past, only because it feels like "home"... Finally, I have a real stable and peaceful home ❤

Whenever I feel lonely, I ask myself how I’ve been neglecting myself. It’s helped ease the sharper edges of seclusion in my postpartum era.

I would like to recommend a book from 1994, " Finally Getting It Right- From addictive love to the real thing" by author Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D. He spent his career specializing and treating people with this very issue. He also wrote a first book, " How to Break Your Addiction to a Person". There are many levels of understanding, as to why we get stuck and are somehow replaying in life the painful dynamics of our childhood. This repetition compulsion has been well known in our human kind. We are driven to play it again, to finally ( we think) get it right.

I've heard of people leading people on for selfish reasons, but TWO kids when he was still in love with someone else? This is really cowardly and depressing. He's basically just used that woman as a safety net.

You only love this "golden person" because we're so used to performing for our love. We keep experiencing this because we look for people that keep us at arms length because it's familiar. As Joe Dispensa has said on many occasions. We must break the pattern of being ourselves. Now this man is treating his wife the way he's been treated. Stuck in the side lines to play second place instead of leading lady.

Self love is the first step. In a past video Anna posted, "nobody is coming to save you" including those past experiences. I don't even consider the past anymore because you need to figure out why you left or drifted apart. Anytime you go back into your past, it's often a mistake. I had one situation help, we talked about some things we both had on our mind and agreed that we're both seeking the happiness of each other regardless of who we chose. But seeing her life right now, I'm really glad I didn't go forward with her because it seems like she's always chasing something new and fresh.

Never get quickly involved with someone who recently broke up with someone or recently widowed. They are still emotionally bond to another person. They need time to heal and sort their minds and feelings out.