sobriety, creativity, and moving forward

The older you get the more you realize life is just about mastering the re-direct, the pivot, the comeback.

My sister always says the quote “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."

being a "good kid" really does lead to so much shame. felt really angry and resentful in my early 20s cause i felt so repressed but not independent enough to do something about it. on substances and such, i always feel uncomfortable because i'm not interested but don't know how much of that is rooted in being a "good kid". anyways, always finding it hard to relate to my surroundings

Being the "gifted" good kid, only stood in the way of realising the potential everyone said I had. The shame and perfectionism sets you up for failure in adulthood. It makes you fearful of failure and shame and at the same time perpetuates those very things.

So much of this is a convo about late stage capitalism and failure of government and quite simply… being a person in America and colonialism

i’m about to hit 3 years no smoking!! believe me no one saw me getting sober coming, i was high 24/7 for years of my life. 24/7. years. if you’re thinking of quitting, just do it, trust me. smoking was a great way for me to cope and regulate my dysfunction and emotions for years, but it stopped serving its purpose once i realized that what i wanted, more than anything, more than getting high, was to be an active participant in my life. and i’ve been doing it, even though it’s felt hard, even though sometimes (a lot of times, especially towards the beginning) i was less comfortable. don’t stay numb. also as a sidenote you can become addicted to anything that you turn to in order to change your mood. become addicted to things that are healthy for you lol rather than just replacing weed with other stuff (i’m guilty of doing it with media consumption) :/ but, oh well, step by step. i’m looking forward to seeing what my life eventually looks like without a dependency to that either

“Living in the basement of myself” is such a profound statement. I can totally relate to that. This is so beautiful. So real, insightful & honest. I’m glad you’re doing better and thanks so much for sharing. May we come up for air from the basements in our minds.

the section about feeling addicted to stress and not deserving of peace.... thank you monica omg thought i was alone

i am 23 and idk whattttt is going on, thank you for your wisdom

Take it from a 61 year old woman, you are on a great path I am a musician and sobriety really does improve your creativity. Keep up the great work

omg yeahh girl addicted to STRESS. when i was living with my first bf smoking constantly during the pandemic (ignoring the voice in the back of head screaming telling me to stop) my ritual was that i had to take a bong hit big enough where i felt like i was actually going to die- throat completely closes, crying choking cough for a couple minutes, and then id be at the correct amount of fcked up. getting thru that point where i felt like i was gonna die was so delicious for me.

This is literally my story too for the last few years…2020 broke up a lot of us. Our culture is very sick. Our country is dying. People are very superficial and quantify everything based on looks…and consumerism…so many of us disassociate because we don’t feel good enough. I also, feel you on the Cannabis, haven’t smoked to that extent but definitely agree sobriety is best for me too. Cannabis can rob us. I feel like a lot of people went in on substances with the pandemic…to distract from our lack of support, constant stress, rapid transformation through evolutionary Technology usage. These are going to be important times for transition and believe me I feel a great sense of burden for what it’s going to take to ground ourselves into reality…keep fighting🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

When you were "in the basement of yourself" and parsing through the mud of all the things you said you would never be, that sounds like Jungian shadow work. I agree, I think it's like you're facing the Shadow of the Self, neuroses, fears, repressions, etc. It's so important to practice going into this with a determined mindset to love and accept yourself as these realizations emerge. Instead of "omg I've been holding onto that, I'm a (lazy/sick/selfish/weak/naive) person," instead you can have it prepared to greet this part of yourself with "wow, I can see how that made things difficult for you" (as you also mentioned, having the reserves to extend that grace and compassion to your lower self. just wanted to expand upon it)

Love the bloodshot eyes in the thumbnail. Nice touch. Made me click, made me laugh.

Brianna W. talks about how we as humans at an evolutionary perspective are not wired to be happy. We are wired to be comfortable, because discomfort makes us feel as though our survival is at stake- however for people who have grown up in discomfort, that IS their comfort, because that’s all we know. Any action or moment of peace can be interpreted by our minds as a threat. It takes a lot of work to be okay with existing in a state of peace. And it also requires us to be uncomfortable in order to achieve that. I loved this video so much! First I’ve seen from you, and I’m extremely excited to see your growth and the life you continue to create for yourself. ❤

in my culture we were taught that all species have different frequencies. Humans in various spiritual journeys move between frequencies and plant medicine caters to this in terms of nourishment or enlightenment. A substance like mj has a fixed frequency but for some humans it brings them "high" when they were previously at a lower vibration. For some humans it brings them at a lower vibration which describes all the anxiety, unease, confusion and hyper-vigilance you spoke about. Hope this helps anyone else out there wondering why they don't feel better after smoking/drinking/consuming plant medicine.

Girl this was so real.. I needed this. I am 23 years old and I stopped smoking for exactly 2 weeks today and realize how so removed I mentally was for the last 2 years from smoking. I had two panic attacks within the last 2 months of still smoking and I decided to stop. My life significantly changed. I can’t turn back. It became more of a burden than “fun”. I didn’t know who I was. I was frustrated with not being able to create but comfortable enough to stay stagnant. I never related to a video so much! Thank you!

That " holding yourself up to a standard a 15yo set 🤨?" ..A gut punch, like.. who tf did i think I was 😂

was listening to this while painting and started crying at the end. thank you

this video is so refreshing and i feel so seen on so many levels - it landed on my page in perfect alignment. I’m 24 still at my parents, unemployed after graduating in a field i nv fw in the first place and struggling to gain independence and go after what i want while being hyperaware of the destructive nature of western imperialism. It’s been so overwhelming battling personal issues at home and balancing this with gratitude for the blessings i do have. Thank you for this video. I’m not one to open about my struggles esp in the comment section of a video, but this was deeply moving and explained challenging living experiences in contexts that must be highlighted. It feels like ive saved myself from diving into another self improvement /enlightenment spiral by watching this