How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe, and allow things to pass.

"Their bad behavior shouldn't be the cause of your heart-attack." Brilliant!

I know at least 5 ways to deal with them: 1. Never take their words personally. Always have this suspicion in mind, that they do not wish good for you, so you shouldn't trust their opinion of you. 2. Don't compete with them. It is futile and drains your energy. 3. If they attack you, stay calm, indifferent and if possible give them a sneaky compliment. The odds are they are used to people attacking them back and it takes them off guard when you see the positive things in them rather than the negative. 4. Don't become them. If they are negative, be positive. If they lie, tell the truth. If they speak behind your back, speak to their face. Always lead with example, because they might not simply have the skills to do that. 5. Do not trust them. Don't tell them personal details about your life or things they could use against you. Keep your distance and value your boundaries. Protect yourself.

Repeat after me: It's safe to set boundaries with difficult people. No matter what they say or feel, I am safe.

I swear I need this to deal with my whole family 🥺

Difficult people are okay. The tricky part is dealing with people who are allowed to bully all others, and no one will say, “No”. Those of us who aren’t managers are left to receive cruel attitudes, and take responsibility for bullies’ failures, or lose a job. It’s the norm in many organizations.

You can't control people's actions but you can control your reaction

Some of the most annoying behaviors: 5/5/23 - Thought to capitalize more severe terms NARCISSISM - When someone only cares for themself. (Someone with narcissism usually possesses at least 5-10 of the other traits mentioned below) (Added these parentheses 5/5/23) GASLIGHTING - When someone tries to make you think you're crazy even when you have evidence. (WATCH OUT, THEY'RE TRYING TO BAIT YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, DON'T FALL FOR IT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW THEY'LL GET CRAZY CRAZY ANGRY) CONDESCENSION - When someone feels they're better than everyone else. (WATCH OUT, THESE PEOPLE WILL TRY TO BAIT YOU INTO ARGUMENTS USING CONDESCENSION AND TREATING YOU LIKE A BABY) Presumptuousness - When someone "thinks" you'll be ok with something but doesn't care to ask and they make the decision anyways. PASSIVE AGGRESSION - When someone says something to you that has an opposite meaning than what they said. (WATCH OUT, THIS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE AND HARD TO NOTICE, THEY WILL SWOOP YOU WITH THIS AND YOU WON'T REALIZE THEY WERE BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE) VICTIMIZATION - When someone makes you out to be a bad guy and acts innocent when they're not. (WATCH OUT) Delusion - When someone says things about you that aren't even true. Jealousy - When someone hates you because you have a characteristic they lack. Hypocrisy - When someone gets on to you for doing something then goes and does the same thing they got on to you about. Pettiness - When someone gets mad at the littlest things. JUSTIFICATION - When someone always feels "in the right" despite what they've done. (WATCH OUT, SOMEONE ALWAYS MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEIR ACTIONS IS SOMETHING TO WATCH OUT FOR) LYING - No need to define. Boisterousness - When someone purposely tries to get on your nerves. Ego Stroking - When someone acts interested in you ONLY so they can get what they want in return. GHOSTING - When they ignore you out of the blue. (WATCH THIS HAPPEN MULTIPLE TIMES, YOU'LL WONDER IF THEY'RE EVEN DOING IT, IF ANYONE WANTS AN EXAMPLE OF GHOSTING BECAUSE THE SIGNS ARE SO SUBTLE, ASK ME AS I HAVE A PERFECT EXPERIENCE EXAMPLE) PROJECTION - When they put their negative emotions onto you. (WATCH OUT, THIS IS HOW A NARCISSIST LIKES TO DEMONIZE YOU AND PUT THINGS UPON YOU THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND WILL REROUTE THE CONVERSATION TO MAKE YOU THINK ITS YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU ARGUE) SABOTAGE AND REVENGE - This is a sign of a terrible narcissist. We all should know what these terms mean, but watch out because their sabotages can be passive aggressive. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS PERSON HAS DONE WORSE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER TERMS ABOVE) TRIANGULATION - When someone is constantly talking behind someone's back and saying this that are not true. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS IS ANOTHER ONE ON PAR WITH REVENGE, BECAUSE THEY'RE SPREADING UNTRUE INFORMATION ABOUT YOU TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW, ITS A WAY TO ISOLATE YOU) MOST COMMON SIGN (AS IT WILL OFTEN BE SUBTLE): They speak untrue bias behind others' backs. BAITING - Someone trying to make you mad and trying to lure you into an argument. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THE SIGNS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE, THEY'LL GET FAR MADDER THAN YOU ARE IF YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR BAIT, THEY'RE ALSO SEEKING YOUR REACTION) Trauma Bonding - Watch one of the experts' videos, explaining this is hard EDIT: Adding new words I didn't have down before / Fixing errors 10/18/2021 - Added Ghosting and Projection 5/5/23 - Added Triangulation, Baiting and Sabotage/Revenge - Signs of BAD BAD BAD narcissists. Also, thanks for the likes everyone. 😊

This only works if all people involved are reasonable. If one or more parties can't be reasoned with, then the problem continues. You can communicate until you're blue in the face, but if the other person isn't willing to communicate appropriately, then you've hit a brick wall.

“It’s your heart attack” this is very true

10:54 - The best advice - "It's much more valuable to be a friend than an enemy. If people like you, they will do business with you. If they don't like you, they will do everything in their power to usurp your success."

Long story short: keep the convo brief, simple, cool, calm and level headed. Only give one word answers than a full sentence. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Be the bigger person and do yourself a favour and save yourself from that heartache. Trust me when I say this it works every time. Giving them a reason to whine and complain and talk about said drama only repeats itself if you give them the time and energy to do it. When they get less of that, well, the difficulty becomes easier to manage 🙃

Anyone else dealing with a difficult coworker

Are you reading comments while listening?

Anyone dealing with a difficult boss one thing I learned to get them off of your back.. Even if you know how to do something ask them to help you with things they can’t say no to.. After the third or fourth time they will avoid you this has always helped me at work

Whenever i have to deal with difficult people, i switch on my “im not gonna talk to this person forever.” Im really good to that.

Cannot communicate with sociopaths on any reasonable level. People who cannot empathize will never see things from your point of view. Someone who is a sociopathic master manipulator can only be dealt with by affecting what matters most to them, money. Unfortunately, office sociopaths who gaslight daily rarely get reprimanded. They have everyone else in the office convinced they are wonderful and that you are the problem. Best solution is to remove yourself from that environment.

Some one else's bad behavior, shouldn't be your heartache..!!!

don't let some one else's toxicity become your heart attack ... so very true.

I like the way he ends the talk by giving a clear picture of "what's in it for me". In my experience angriness/holding grudges towards other people is a double edged sword. If you think that you punish another person by showing that person hostility, you have forgotten who is carrying the angriness on the inside.