O.J. Simpson Is Dead; Will His Victims Finally Recover?

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Just as the Onion said: "Oj to be allowed to continue living if his casket is too small"

OJ got acquited and spent the rest of his life making the Jury regret that decision.

Norm McDonald impression: "After decades of unsuccessfully searching for his wife's killer on Earth, OJ Simpson has chosen to search Hell"

It’s so weird that rich people can just not pay their bills. Imagine if a regular person could buy an expensive new car and just never pay for it.

"Will his victims finally recover?" My first thought was "they're dead, I don't think so."

the low speed chase was going on during my aunt's wedding. my parents, both journalists, and others kept taking turns sneaking out of the reception to listen to their car radios and hurry back to keep everybody updated. i was three and had walking pneumonia, making a terribly cranky flower girl. there's a picture of my dad holding me and giving me a gently stern talking to about throwing my flower girl basket at people. i don't recall throwing the basket. but if i did it, here's how it would have gone:

What this death has taught me is that sometimes, I can be on the side of cancer

That white bronco chase was such a big deal because 1. They shut down an entire freeway so the city of LA was at a standstill 2. It was so slow. He wasn't even going the speed limit from what I remember. Him and his buddy were just casually driving down an empty freeway for around 2 hours. Every channel switched to it and my dad called me from work to watch it since he knew I was an MTV junkie. It was crazy because everyone thought he was the worlds nicest guy and here he was driving at like 30 mph down the center of the freeway with a gun to his head and roughly 30 cop cars after him.

I really felt sorry for the kids. They had to see their dad after that probably knowing that he killed their mom. There’s no way they weren’t exposed to his temper too.

My favorite Norm MacDonald impression was this one: OJ Simpson has passed away from cancer at the age of 76. He died doing what he loved most: getting away with murder.

If I recall correctly, a photo of Simpson wearing the Bruno Magli shoes didn't surface until after the not guilty verdict in the criminal case, despite strenuous efforts by the prosecution to find one. When it did, it came from a photographer who'd been engaged to photograph Simpson at some publicity event. Since it had been a paying gig, he had kept his dated invoice, proving that Simpson unquestionably had owned a pair of the shoes at the time of the murders.

The first time I heard about OJ Simpson's murder case was in a statistics course, and how stats can manipulate points of view. OJ's lawyer argued, yes there was domestic abuse, but the number of domestic abusers that eventually killed their significant other, was like 1 in a 1000 (I can't remember). But obviously, he omitted the fact that of course most people don't kill their wives or husbands even if there is domestic abuse. Murders are rare to begin with. BUT if there WAS a murder, the likelihood of the abusive husband being the murderer is more than half the time. It's absolutely mind boggling how he got away with murder.

Really thought he was going to say that OJ’s most famous acting role was “man not guilty of murder”

The craziest part. There's multiple videos of OJ wearing those gloves. Not only that, the gloves were frozen and thawed out which shrinks the leather. Him getting off was all levels of crazy

This man was allowed to dodge consequences his entire life. Wasn't forced to do his community service, let off on murder, prevented from having his property claimed to pay his victims until the day he died. I can't imagine it would be as satisfying taking the property from his family instead.

The best thing to come out of that trial was the parody in Shrek 2 when the knights were chasing a "white bronco".

More context for Gen Z viewers: Robert Kardashian is Kim Kardashian's dad, and Alan Dershowitz is the same Alan Dershowitz who defended Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein.

"Uh, ya what happened was, this karate guy came out and we fought over the knife, then I blacked out." Yep, alibi checks out

“Ghoulish” is the best description of OJ I’ve ever heard.