Infidelity and the Future of Relationships

It's unfortunate that they didn't choose a more mature, emotionally intelligent interviewer. Always a pleasure to listen to Esther though; she's incredible.

Esther is WAAAAAAAY too good for Cosmo!!

This is by far the most intelligent, sophisticated and evolved outlook/insights/paradigm for relationships, monogamy and infidelity. She totally understands human nature and desire in its complex and nuanced entirety. Amazing.

Esthers podcasts of relationship therapy is sublime, she’s incredibly intuitive, she can read the energy brilliantly between the couple ..

When someone is not the right person to host a conversation they ask the wrong questions.

Esther Perel is miles ahead of this interviewer! She's amazing!

I practiced with my husband the model of communication she proposes. Before we got married he cheated on me so it would have been easier for me to leave, but I didn't. We talked about my pain and his pain. What was he looking for in that experience, what did he need from it, what did he get. It was painful, but it also brought us closer. He found a way to communicate his feelings that he didn't know before and to validate my feelings at the same time I validated his human experience as well, his needs, his background, etc. I learned about myself too, and I found a new way to be honest to myself. At the end it was a beautiful process and I am thankful that it happened earlier.

I've been following Esther Perell for a few years now and I was blown away (although it makes absolute sense!) just now when it was mentioned that she was a consultant for the tv series 'The Affair'. I absolutely loved this show because it gave perspective and real life depth to each character. Being deeply traumatized by my parents split due to infidelity, I was transported to this time while watching the show and could identify with the rebellious young daughter who is witnessing her family's life change! I can't think of another show that's done as good a job on this subject!!

I feel Esther's pov is more applicable to couples where one has already had an affair or both are openly talking about opening the relationship, and her words are meant to illustrate how to communicate "your case" so you may have an open relationship or forgiveness for an affair. because Esther doesn't share her personal experiences that led to her beliefs (not that I've heard anyway), it leaves her philosophy without context, and I wonder if because of the lack of explicit context, how many people may be in vulnerable situations and feel discouraged that fidelity, self determination and responsibility cant be a reality...they 100% Can, it just depends on your context...if you are very bored and frustrated in your life, something's got to give, and if you don't take agency to change the things you have power over, through self improvement (over "hiring" a new lover to passively change you), by developing a life mission and purpose, a passion or business, etc then all your free unchanneled energy leaves you susceptible to using your power in perhaps pleasurable but self defeating ways, whether it be affairs or compulsive sexual fantasies, alcohol, gossip, junk food etc

Esther gets it right when she says it's about feeling wanted

This woman is incredible. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

The future of the relationships is " multiple styles ", equivalent with confusion and chaos both on individual and social level. I think we should rather aim for mental sanity and emotional maturity of the individuals in order to have fulfilled relationships, even if it requires effort. We, as humans didn't evolved that much in dealing with pain and trauma, but doing the individual work and bringing light into our corner, will hopefully bring more light into the collective consciousness.

48:26 'Many men, if they knew what their women partners tell their best friend, they would often think that there is an emotional affair. They would be gutted by the betrayal of what is actually being said about them.' As a single woman having heard married women friends talk about their husbands, I think Ms. Perel is exactly right. I have heard married women commiserating about their husbands in a way where I just had to wonder what their husbands would think. If they knew.

A successful, meaningful, monogamous marriage requires selflessness and work. If you're not prepared to roll up your sleeves and get down to the nitty gritty, you'll fail every time. Lasting happiness is deliberate and cultivated. Only you can truly satisfy yourself.

I don’t know about my marriage... but what I do know is that the speakers’ hand jewelry is FIRE!!

Sounds like people are saying nowadays, "Let's forget God & commitment to one person". We all need to work at our marriage and sit and have serious talks about our disappointments, and what is lacking. People don't do that. Then there are people out there that don't care if a man or woman is married. They want what they want. Who cares if there are children that will be affected and broken. There's so much self-centeredness, it's all about 'me', who cares about anyone else's feelings. I know it happens all the time, and I think it's awful. Time has changed for the worse.

The adventure and feeling alive need can be delegated to pursuing a business, new hobbies, personal mission to have a higher impact on the community. I think people want physical intimacy with someone other than their spouse due to boredom that's been the norm for so long that it is intense and doesn't register as boredom/anxiety.

People should feel guilty about having affairs...I really enjoy her talks except for that one fact. There absolutely should be a stigma associated with cheating because it causes much pain. People have the option to leave if they really want to be with someone else

"She has enlightened me so much on so many things" lol!!!! The most obvious impersonal introduction ever.

Many people didn’t like the interview and said the interviewer wasn’t prepared. I disagree, it felt like she was driving questions the way a friend would if she had a conversation with her friend Esther. “What about this?” “What about that?” And it made for a dynamic interview in my opinion.