Being a woman in Vietnam vs. in Germany

As a Slavic girl, what you described growing up in a small village, I relate to it completely “you’re too loud and opinionated you’ll never find a husband” is what i heard ever since i can remember

I dated a Vietnamese girl in Melbourne for a while who was born and raised in a small village in Vietnam and moved to Australia at the age of 17 with her parents, and it shocked her so much that my apartment was so clean and tidy. She was convinced at first that my mother would visit and clean up after me and wash my clothes. It wasn't until she saw me doing all of this myself that she understood that western men are raised differently..haha - So yeah, when I visited her parents for the first time, they couldn't comprehend that I began washing dishes with my girlfriend and taking out the rubbish etc..lol

I am a woman in Vietnam and I can confirm this. Even though I was born and grew up in the country's biggest city, the mindset of "men are more valuable than women" is still affecting many aspects of my everyday life, especially when it comes to family gatherings. I am glad that you have brought up this very personal story. It really gives hope to a young adult like me who is not aligned with social expectations about how a woman should be.

As a young adult girl who lives in Vietnam, this video made me tear up because of how relatable it was to me. My mother, while being quite traditional, is still making sure that I get well-educated and have a good career in the future. She often says that the reason why she pays for my school fees is that I could get a high-paying job to buy her a large house but I know deep down all she wants is just for me to become financially independent and can take care of myself without depending on any people ^^.

As an Indian, I know that my barely educated mother ( just till her 10th grade) fought for her 2 daughters and made us Doctors. My younger sibling is in the US now and working as a doctor. My mother told my father that she won't have any more children and took all the abuse and taunts. She used to be just like your mother, make us study whilst she would slog in the kitchen. She even moved in with me, when I had a son, so that I would continue my job. She moved out of my house only when my son was big enough to go to school. She prays for us. She has given her life for us. I think in the " third world countires" ( I don't like this term but I don't have any other umbrella term to describe our countries), women like our mothers are the strongest. My husband and I have the deepest respect for my mummy and we will take care of her always. She is our biggest support and strength. A big salute to your mother for raising you.

I love that your mother, even though being traditional, made sure her daughters were educated and got their own careers. I bet she's very proud of you and yours sisters. Being a brazilian middle-class woman, I was raised to become financially independent and well-educated and I'm soo grateful for that. Of course we all struggle somehow because any society do have its own expectations towards women but we are getting better everyday.

Going through all the comments and seeing how many women, from all over the world, relate to Uyen's story is sobering. However, I think it's wonderfully inspirational to see all of these women coming together and finding community and appreciating the strong women in their cultures, while still wanting to move forward and encourage equality. We are stronger together. I love this comment section!

When you said that your boyfriend will be with you whether you want to have a child or not made me tear up! It just be reassuring to know that you have true freedom to decide for yourself, knowing that you'll still be cared for equally in either situation

It’s fascinating learning about others cultures. I am North American indigenous. My tribe is Choctaw. Our society is matriarchal. There are gender roles - men fought, and the chief made decisions during wartime. During peacetime, women were the decision makers. There’s no preferred sex, as both hold equal importance! Men and women teach children, and cook. Most activities are shared responsibilities

Dear Uyen, I'm a 29-year-old Turkish woman living in Belgium with a Dutch husband. I recognise SOOOOOO much of your story in mine! Vietnam, in terms of being a woman, sounds just like Turkey, except for the bleaching products;) Sometimes my family from Turkey call while I'm sitting in the living room and my husband's in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes. They always feel so bad for him and have so much sympathy for the poor guy doing housework! They often encourage me or even try to shame me into going and helping him because otherwise he might get resentful (He absolutely wouldn't. We try to split the work fairly.) how my (extended) family treated me "as a woman" was one of the main reasons I came to The Netherlands to do my masters. No matter how smart or successful or morally principled I was, I was still criticisrd for gaining weight, not cooking enough, not cleaning enough. So I thought "That's it. I'm not marrying a Turkish guy. I'm not staying here and living with these standards." Also I hated that women were under risk of rape or sexual harassment in so many circumstances. The double standards were glaring. Still, of course, I love my family and my country. My family have also improved a lot since those years! They've become much less openly sexist😅 I think I played a role in that:) they also treat me with more respect now (extended family). I wonder how your family has "evolved" in responses to your changes?

Hello Uyen!! I'm a 15 year old living in Uzbekistan (in Tashkent which is a capital of the country) and i can relate to manyyyy things you said about your culture. Altought i live in the most modern part of my country my relatives were quite old-fashioned. We have really huge wedding and other activites when a lot of people are involved (usually between relatives), and men just sitting and eating and women taking care of the food and other things is soo relatible. My mom is quite similar to your mom, even thought my close relatives encourage women to study (especially my mom) and whenever they meet me they will ask "how is your studies?"," how are your grades at school?", the concept of "men are more important than women" has been a thing here too. And a lot of women outside of my city don't have the same kind of encouragement to study and make a succesful career, as often they will get married and have children by 25 (like 80% of uzbek women), so i'm really grateful for my family to support me. It is really unexpected and kind of upsetting to realize that women from all corners of the world can relate to your story. Best of everything and lots of love❤❤❤

This really touched me. I'm a german woman and can hardly relate to this kind of pressure, eventho I have a history of eating disorder, too. In Germany not everything is perfect either, but I'm so happy that you found your happiness here! ❤

As an older Vietnamese woman, i wanna thank you for everything you shared in this video (including the disclaimer at the beginning). I grew up in a considerably progressive city of Vietnam, yet i have faced micro-aggression towards me as a woman from time to time. Sometimes it's exhausting to keep fighting back, but i made a promise to myself that i would never stop because i want our country to become a better place for my daughter in the future. Hence, im grateful for this video of yours. Ive been watching your channel for quite some time, but this is the first time i commented. Chị cảm ơn em Uyên! ❤

I am a korean woman living in a rural area. A lot of the things you were talked about are relatable. In korea, women are expected to be submissive and obedient, never questioning the men. Other cultural aspects are also similar. Never being able to sit down and eat in peace, having to do all the housework and take care of the kids, always needing to be ready for the men's beck and call. All my life I was taught to cook and clean and raise babies by my mother and grandmother. I wanted out of this life so bad I studied really hard to get into university. My hardwork paid off when I got into SNU (the mit or harvard of korea). My dad and all the other males in the family wanted me to pursue a feminine profession, such as education or nursing. In the end, I chose civil engineering- one of the manly jobs. Now, I live in america where women are treated equally. At first it was very confusing for me, but eventually got used to it. Edit: To clarify, this is not the norm in South Korea. As I have said, I lived in a very rural town with only around a 100 people. Even in the rural areas, social change is happening and people are making waves in gender equality. My case is very unique, so don't think badly of Korea.

Thank you for this video Uyen. Ì´m an Arab woman living in Germany and a lot of what you say is relatable. My brother was expected to reach very far in his career as a lawyer while my father wanted me to be an English teacher. I was feeling like I failed myself today until I watched your video. I don’t feel alone in the struggle now. So thank you 🤗

I’m Latina & I had a similar experience! Coincidentally my parents also really wanted a son and ended up with 4 daughters instead! In my culture, traditionally sons are valued more than daughters for a lot of the reasons you said; only boys can carry on the family name, sons are stronger and can earn more, and in my family’s situation my father wanted to pass down his vocational skills in carpentry to a boy. As a child I definitely experienced the jokes and insults about how unlucky my parents are and how there must be something wrong either medically or spiritually to cause them to have only daughters.

This is going to sound so weird but, Uyen, I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being you and being proud of owning who you are, especially at such a young age. You are very strong and it’s inspiring to see you embrace your experiences ❤️

Thanks sis for sharing your story! As a Vietnamese girl who was born and grew up in a rural area, I can say that you speak for all the “countryside” Vietnamese girls! My experience is exactly like yours! After my older sister is born, my family wanted a son so bad but ended up having me, a girl. They were disappointed and then they started dressing me as a boy. They bought me boy’s clothes, toys, and boy haircut. I was so jealous of other girls because they can wear cute dresses and have long hair tied with ribbon, meanwhile my hair was BALD because my parents chose to cut all of my hair. This kept going until I got into first grade of elementary school (around 6-7 years old) and I was bullied everyday by other students. I got tired of being asked “are you a boy or a girl?” by both teachers, students and others, because I have a girly name but an appearance of a boy. When my mom found out that I was being bullied at school (a group of boy tried to pull my hair and steal my hat because I was covering my short hair with a hat), she was in tears and stopped dressing me up like a boy. Until then I was able to dress like a girl and have girly hairstyles, fortunately. It is such a traumatizing childhood :( I spent my elementary school and secondary school studying in my small village, and I swear many students around me are very uneducated. Because I have a body type that is different from most Vietnamese girls (my chest size is above average in Vietnam), I got a lot of body-shaming and verbal sexual harassment from them (both boys and girls would say unkind things about my body). This time, I also got a lot chubbier, and body shaming comments also came to me more often, and even my family shamed me, making me feel very unconfident. I also got catcalled by other guys whenever I went outside. Then I was very determined to move to a high school in the city and leave my village. And I felt better because in the big city, people are much more educated and I felt much safer. For university, I decided to once again move out of the country to study abroad. Now that I have left Vietnam to live in the Netherlands, I feel so relieved and happy. Here nobody cares and they would not judge me for my body type, if I am a boy or a girl, etc. It is very common for everyone here to have different body shapes, so I feel very included here. Whenever I tell other people here that I am fat, they would say oh you are not fat at all, you are beautiful, which makes me very happy. I have been staying in the Netherlands for 2 years and I always have the determination to settle down here because coming back to Vietnam, especially to the place where I was born, is such a nightmare.

I love how in this comment section, people, especially women from all over the world, share their experiences and support each other in standing up for themselves, loving themselves and feeling valuable. That we all declare war on these toxic and often racist beauty standards so that everyone can feel comfortable in their own skin. And that we fight for a society where women are not expected to live their lives revolving around taking care of men and children and basically being a servant and not a self-determined human being. It's such a shame that so many people can identify with the experiences that Uyen shared in the video - but it's so beautiful that we're all talking openly about these experiences and fighting for women to be able to live with real equality in the future. Uyen, I'm so happy that you found some peace and happiness here, you are a treasure!! Lots of love from a german 33-old :)

One of the (many) reasons I enjoy Uyen's videos so much, is reading the comments afterwards. There are such a broad array of people from all over the world sharing their experiences and some really interesting discussions. It's such a breath of fresh air :) Greetings from New Zealand, where we're doing ok but still have a long way to go before we have true equality. Thanks for the reminder of how much it's worth striving for it and not to take what we have for granted.