The True Stories of the Warren Hauntings: The Conjuring, Annabelle, Amityville, and Other Encounters

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The sweeping ghost seems like a valuable asset to any business

when wendi wakes up in the morning, he asks himself "what button-up hawaiian shirt am I going to scare children in today"

The sweeping ghost sounds chill asf

love the phrase "inappropriate demons" since it implies the existence of "appropriate demons"

Finishing watching a baseball game after being Touched By A Ghost™ would be the ULTIMATE dad move.

Half of the Warren's cases are just them showing up and saying "yep, us spook professionals say that you're haunted af" and then just leaving.

I think the funniest inference about the Enfield Poltergeist being faked is that like Wendigoon said, it STARTED as a real haunting until the girls starting making noise and destroying things for attention. But it's not like there were other things happening alongside the girls faking it, which means that the ghost was trying its best to scare them and then saw them bending spoons and hitting the ceiling with a broom and was like "What the hell is wrong with you people, I'm outta here"

Fun Succubus Fact! The roots of terms "Succubus" and "Incubus" originally mean "Lie Below" and "Lie Above" respectively. The two species, for want of a better word, were considered to be the same thing, switching between male and female depending on the target. Succubi were bottoms and Incubi were tops.
But we can go further. The exact description says that the creature takes female form and collects you-know-what from a man before taking on a male form and using the collected "material" to impregnate a women. This is thought to be fully constructed, with no deeper source, by people in medieval times to explain babies born out of wedlock. "We've never even spoken your honor, we just both got deceived by the same evil demon"

Ed Warren in the movies: force of nature that gives you a feeling of comfort even in the most terrifying situations

Ed Warren irl: italian restaurant owner

This man unironically said malarkey and I didn’t cringe. He’s too powerful

I love that in the Amityville case, the owners and neighbors were so confused and alarmed by the "bad smell," but didn't make any connection whatsoever that multiple people died there and they didn't even clean well enough to throw out the beds. Wonder what the smell could be. Truly a mystery. 🤦🏻‍♂

Just want to point out that most scam artists come across as "sweet, genuinely trying to help." That's how they're able to scam in the first place.

Ed in the movies: Sledgehammer-wielding, Elvis Presley singing, demon-slaying badass.

Ed IRL: haha Holy Water go brrrr

"She saw an aura around her teachers." Know teachers from the 50's that was most likely just the clouds of cigarette smoke that came standard with a teaching degree at the time.

It's just so hard for me to believe in these hauntings. Who tf has a demon screaming at you, physically assaulting you, then just think "Damn. Forgot to do laundry today."

I want to see a dark comedy movie about a grumpy old guy in his apartment being the caretaker of a bunch of possessed objects. Spraying them with holy water like a cat when they start teleporting, explaining that he will not go get them a young virgin to sacrifice, and keeping kids and troublemakers away from them. I imagine a gag where he has holy chains and stuff in his house to keep him in bed like Moonknight, stopping any possession shenanigans. Heck, have a "time-out" box similar to the box that Annabelle is held in. Have the whole story be like a "weird family" thing, but with this older guy who has to look after these objects and the demons inside them.

Probably too dark for regular audiences, but the idea of a bunch of possessed dolls banding together to save their only friend in some wacky hijinks sounds hilarious to me.

“Go fight ‘em, this is your house!” Would be the most American response to a haunting ever 😂

Bro, "A philia of the Necro variety" is the best way to say that word.

so actually, a fun fact: Feeling like you are floating, that you have grown twice your size, or even that you have shrunk is a fairly common thing for young children to experience! It's called alice in Wonderland syndrome, and I recommend looking into it. sometimes even adults experience it (though in rarer cases) I bet if you asked around, at least one person you know may have experienced it at some point in their life, I know I did a lot when I was a kid.