How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine, PhD

To the little girl in me, I want her to know, “Your mother’s angst, anger, and unhappiness had nothing to do with you.” ❤

I would say to my three-year-old self, "Brace yourself little man, this is going to hurt, a lot, but there will be love"

I say to my 10 year old self, you were just a little girl dependent on those who should have kept you safe. They didn't. Little girl, you are free to be loved and be safe.

Imagine a family that only shames. Zero validation. Taking only, give nothing.

I would say to my 6 year old self: you deserved those shoes you asked for. Asking for those shoes is not the reason you parents fought like your mom said and blamed you for. You were worthy of those shoes and worthy of asking for things ❤️

Thank you. The validation is huge. Ostracized by 2 older sisters in the home where the adults were crazy: drug and mentally ill. I was on my own at 13- legally emancipated at 14. Soon I turn 65....I am grateful for the people who helped so far. I have so much more work to do. 🙏🌷

I would tell my 14 year old self, "honor yourself. Honor your beautiful body, mind and spirit. TRUST your own intuition and knowing. Your mother's rage and pain had nothing to do with you. Be Compassionate but with healthy boundaries. "

School counselors should be equipped with this information. A lot happens to us at schools and at home.

I’ve done some inner child work as a result of trauma from a very young age. My father was an alcoholic and pretty much no existent in my life even though we lived in the same house. He never acknowledged me as a person let alone his daughter. As a result there was an uncomfortable relationship with all men. Two divorces later I did meet someone who saw the real me and loved me. He passed away five years later. I’m 67 and I have a long way to heal. Ben gave me self confidence and unconditional love, and I’m still grieving his loss after 6 years

I was shamed for my existence..it was selfish to have a sense of self so I wanted something I felt ashamed of that..I was ashamed of myself..

"You cannot move fully into life when you are in the posture of shame" - this literally sums up the feeling of being a cigarette stubbed out into ground, the way I feel, a heavy coat on my shoulders and no joy for life. I told my adolescent self: you have a good heart, you will be over it, i'm with you, i'm not leaving, you will flourish and be able to share and help others, you will manage, they don't know what they're doing, never received love themselves, And I burst into tears. A 44 year old man, considered talented by many of my friends. That was very touching. And the gesture of bending and straightening - really got me in touch with healthy pride again.

Thank you soo much for posting this. I’m all of a sudden having all of my adolescent shame/ostracized/bullied/humiliated has come to the surface and I’m in an immense amount of pain and I needed to hear this. I can’t believe it was posted a week ago. Thank you!

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

To the little girl in me 'It was not my fault I developed a chronic illness and caused my family pain'. My mothers fear, grief, rage - wasn't because I was bad.

To my younger self, your dad couldn’t be the role model protector, or listener that you needed. You have taken on his shame but you no longer need to do that. It was never about you and it will never be about you. You are so beautiful and you will come home

I was told i wasn't enough. I was humiliated and shamed for not being enough. I didn't realize how my parents set up for failure because i was never going to be enough for them.

My 5-year-old self: You are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't' do anything. You deserved a loving father and a family that saw you and wanted to know you. You deserved comfort and love. I am here for you to provide all of that.

I would say "it's ok, little angel. Everything is going to be ok! You will be ok. I love you. You are worthy. I love you"

Yes!, and taking “responsibility” then feels so painful as a kid when it’s not even your responsibility. So naturally when we grow up, and we’re told “take responsibility for your life”, that feels painful and like blame.

Pride and dignity as an antidote to shame. Beautiful. 🥰 Allowing the body to move into, and out of the body postures of shame, pride and dignity in a healthy and intentionally aware way, instead of getting stuck in a rigid pattern.