Beyond Bubble Baths: The Real Meaning of Self-Care

To me, self care isn't about indulging myself but rather about parenting myself.

I need to work on setting boundaries and saying no to people without justifying it

Prevention is the best cure. Establish boundaries ahead of time. 3:20 I have told my friends and family that I do not want to talk/text after 8 pm unless it is a true emergency because I have problems with sleep and it's important that I have 2+ hours of down time. I also have informed them that I do not enjoy talking for more than an hour and that I will start to wrap up calls after 45 minutes.

I live near my in-laws and I had to set boundaries with them that they cannot just pop up on me and believe me it works! Self-care and peace i owe to myself. Great post Dr. Marks💪🏾

As an adult with ADHD, self care includes setting my calendar with alerts for appointments and tasks, and setting daily alarms for those things that "ought" to be habits, but aren't. They help me take better care of myself, my home, and my finances.

'No' is a complete sentence. I own a phone and other devices (and pay the bills) for my own convenience, and I'll respond to messages at my convenience, thank you.

I always remember calling my sister and her being like, "can't talk right now, I'm singing." Like, she was just having a sing-song in her room. I was like, "ok" and called her another time. It still cracks me up because I get it.

Right now self care for me is finding a job where I work traditional hours and not second shift. May take a while but I am worth it.

I'm terrible will self care. It's not just teaching myself but allowing myself to do it. I didn't really understand bound until later in life. Heck I didn't even realize I had boundaries until my thirties. Some much was taken from me because of my childhood abuse. The lessons learned at a young age are the hardest to unlearn.

My problem with self care is that I don't feel I deserve to do it. I usually feel ridiculous if I do stuff and I don't keep it up.

Setting boundaries, prioritizing your needs and saying No without guilt is so hard. I'm trying my best to do it, but I feel people will leave you or worst, you realize they never really cared for you unless you're doing something for them 😟

This was the need of the hour for me. Being a people pleaser, setting boundaries has always been difficult for me. It feels like I have to twist my arm to say "no." But I am working on it right now.

I solved the talking to someone in need by responding with a text like this: I am unable to talk at this time; however, I will be available to talk at this time. If this doesn’t work for you, let’s schedule a time that works for us both in the near future. This has worked great for me and it allows us both to understand the urgency of the request. For me, I have had much better results than just saying not at this time. I understand that not everyone’s experience will be like mine.

This is so hard after my metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. My depression before cancer was so bad that every time I went to another monthly oncology appointment, like, "WTF am I doing?!?" I could forget to take my medications all too easily. Then my fingernails gradually began falling apart, so I learned how to do my own nails, more self-care. Then they sent me to a nutritionist when my vitamin D dropped to nearly nil. Now I gotta take vitamins and eat right, crap! I think I'd be dead by now if not for my loving husband. Now I got a boob job, healthier diet, lost 50 pounds, feel great, WTF am I doing? I was on my way OUT before cancer, but now I'm heather than I've ever been while living with a terminal illness. If you have clinical depression, I hate to say it, but I highly recommend stage 4 cancer!

My counselors have been pretty bad. They told me to take a bubble bath when I asked what self care meant. Another told me to play my ukulele when I was depressed and then would admonish me for not doing it in the middle of our sessions. I had to tell her I'm not a child and I don't feel like doing that right now.

Thank you Dr. Marks. I appreciate the boundaries “how to do it” scenarios. I have heard many times that boundaries are important, but they failed to explain how to set and enforce boundaries. Freudenfreud. Happy to see you’re still producing content.

Thank you for explaining how to set boundaries. It's a big struggle of mine because I don't know what I need or want.

The “saying no without justifying it” rule doesn’t mean ALWAYS say no without justifying, it means: don’t always feel like you MUST justify it.

Just a note to everyone. If you’re dealing with narcissists they don’t respect boundaries. So just saying if you set boundaries and someone continues to attempt to trespass or create guilt around you they are likely narcissistic, so in this case you will need to cut that person or persons out of your life altogether if possible!

I am an LMFT and I LOVE your videos. Super grateful for your work!! Don’t stop! :)