How Women with ADHD Can Transform the Challenges of a Late Diagnosis (w/ Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.)

People are stunned 😮 when I say I hated being a mother. I love my children and thankful they survived my mess.

I was diagnosed six months ago at age 70, and found this webinar to be really helpful and informative. One point in particular rang true for me. Dr. Nadeau mentions her hypothesis that women with ADHD tend to have fewer children because they don't feel confident of being able to handle the challenges of child-rearing, especially when combined with other responsibilities. I talked with my psychiatrist about this just last month. I had my tubes tied when I was 25 for exactly that reason, even though at the time I didn't know that I had ADHD. I just knew that I could barely take care of myself. I could keep one or two plates spinning, but give me more and some of them would end up on the floor. I like kids, I enjoy my nieces and nephews and friends' children, but I didn't feel that I count on myself to be a consistently conscientious parent. Whether I would have been proven right or wrong is beside the point. The fact is that I had no confidence. A second point I appreciated addressed the exaggerated risks of prescribing stimulant medications for older adults (see 55:18 and 59:09). I've had mild heart palpitations, especially tachycardia, off and on since the 80s. My psychiatrist was somewhat reluctant to prescribe, but consulted with my cardiologist, who gave the okay for ADHD medications, including stimulants, if I started at a low dose, increased gradually, and notified her if I had any unusual symptoms. I started Adderal a few months ago at a very low dose (5mg) and increased very slowly. No heart issues of any kind. I just hit 40mg last week, and my productivity has increased dramatically. One end of my living room had been piled high with file boxes, unread mail, empty Amazon shipping boxes, and other stuff. Somewhere at around 20mg/day I started working on it and it is now clean, tidy and completely usable. The meds aren't an instant fix; I'm still working on developing the skills and habits to keep up with my work. But they really help me to focus and stay with a task instead of wandering off in a dozen different directions every five minutes.

68 and it took the death of my Partner of 45 years,for me to see how Well we supported each other in our different forms of ADHD. Forever Grateful for for his love and patience.

I just got diagnosed at 51. When she said some women intentionally remained childless, I felt so seen.

Working from home for ADHD can be a nightmare, without meds. I lose half of the day in distractions and then panic work to try to compensate, feeling super stressed and almost always I finish work very late.

A highlight was when a listener asked if it was worth getting a formal diagnosis later in life-- age 73 or post-menopause. Dr. Nadeau's answer was resounding- yes- it's worth it. Even if you strongly suspect that you have it. Still get the diagnosis. I needed to hear that.

I feel stupid and that Ive done something wrong almost daily. God if I was diagnosed as a child my life would be different. Shy, quite daydreamers dont get much attention. I felt my mistakes were 10x bigger and rarely did I get it right. Impulsive is at another level. good thing hubby has a good job. I hated school, grade 12 was is for me.

I was diagnosed at 70! I feel my life was destroyed because I wasn’t diagnosed at a younger age. I was abused by the health system that tried to squeeze me into their preferred, and funded, diagnoses and insistence on drugging me with inappropriate and damaging psychotropic drugs to control me and manage their misdiagnosis! This was partly the fault of politicians who in their ignorance refused to accept ADHD and allow and facilitate appropriate diagnosis and treatment for ADHD (better defined as EFD - Executive Function Deficit) My ‘ADHD’ became unmanageable with the onset of menopause and has spiralled into severe dysfunction and impairment ever since.

I really wish there was a support group, even online, here in Cape Town, South Africa, for older women with ADHD. Was also diagnosed very late - at age 69 - it brought such clarity to my personal history and struggles. I think I spent about 6 months in mourning all the mistakes, relationship failures and chaos that I created with all the best intentions. I've been trying to catch up with learning life skills and unraveling tangled knots, but still struggle with so much. As they say ' pills don't teach skills'!

I got diagnosed when I was nearly 40. My daughter has ADHD and is Bipolar with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. To say it has been a challenging life is a gross understatement.

Then add being a black woman in America on top of that dealing with sexism and racism. I never in my life desired children or marriage because I saw the hell my mother had to go through in the house hold along with most the women I know they treat their husband's like children doing everything for them then still being berated for not doing enough. It's absolute trash. I wish I could go to therapy. I crave that, and when I got my official diagnoses, I was also diagnosed with depression and strongly advised to go to therapy but then I got laid off from my job and my insurance is garbage so unfortunately I can't afford therapy at the moment.

It’s like this entire video is a complete list of me and my behavior, thoughts, activity, issues!!😮😮😮 Diagnosed with ADHD in my 30’s and have never taken medication due to heart issues. I had not thought ahead to the future and how retirement and lack of a forced structure may affect me. Definitely things to think of. I did have 4 kids but now I look back and I am sad at how much I missed out on just enjoying them because I felt so scattered all the time. Always in a hurry. Always late. Always feeling messy and disorganized as well as lazy. Always feeling like I didn’t measure up. Entertaining at home…… not if I can avoid it unless it’s people I am super comfortable with like my sisters or parent’s.

I decided to get evaluated for adhd at age 48 after my son’s therapist recognized that I also had symptoms. The doctor I went to had me do computer tests before I met with her. The first thing she asked me was to describe a typical day. When I finished she said, “I don’t have to even look at your test results, I already KNOW you have ADHD. 😂 Unfortunally, I haven’t learned to manage it much better over the 15 years since, but having the diagnosis helped me to accept myself more.

Diagnosis is Liberation: from my misunderstandings, and from the judgment of others. •My ex actually had a gag order written into our divorce, and he was holding my cats in a hidden location so I had to say yes. •He also wrote a self-help book about the tortoise and the hare, promoting the tortoise style, and damning me as his example of the hare. •That was over 20 years ago, and at 68, I’m still highly hyperactive. He lives in another country now, and I have no way to tell him, so I’ll tell you: on my brain map, brain damage is recognized as more than 2 standard deviations from the mean. After my 4 head injuries,(between ages 1 and 27) I am 6 standard deviations higher in 8 areas of my brain. So that extreme judgement of my ‘flaws’ is false. I have permanent brain damage. And there may be other people who have tried as hard as me, to overcome it, but there is no-one who has tried harder. •You might not know how much you owe yourself a diagnosis, until you get it.

I’m 48 and I recently saw a Mel Robins podcast episode about women being diagnosed later on in life with ADHD and quite honestly the way she said how ADHD shows itself internally in women fit me to a T. So I’m in the process of looking into being diagnosed .

Figured out I have ADHD at 60. I am devastated. Totally changes how I see my past, who I am, and my dismal future.

Some of the things she said really hit home. I would love to have children but I am too afraid of the demands of parenting. If I can't even organize myself how in the world could I care for a child? I am very curious about the nightmares and wonder if there is such a thing as ADHD nightmares. I always thought these are related to the epilepsy medication I take. But it was only a couple days ago when I realized the themes in my very vivid almost daily nightmares correlate with the struggles I have in real life like forgetting/losing things, rejection sensitivity or not being on time. I would love to see a study on this one.

I asked a doctor for an ADHD diagnosis and he said “no you don’t have it”. He asked me no questions and this was the first time he had seen me but he mentioned that I suffer from anxiety! My son,daughter and granddaughter have ADHD.

Actually I think I read some research that said that men often leave or divorce wives who have any sort of diagnosed neurodivergence or disability....whilst women much more often stand by their men regardless of such conditions.

Please remember this information is within the last 5 maybe 10 yrs. When we were children/teens this information was not available. At least when I was child/ teen/ young adult. ❤❤