Michael Alig & The Freudian Death Drive

I used to be a dancer at Limelight among other clubs and I remember Alig and his crew well. They were so scary to an 18 year old dancer still in high school in Long Island. They were VERY hard core in everything they did, the way they dressed, presented themselves as well a the drugs. They wanted to scare people all while complaining people “ judged@ them. I just went in and did my job and had a blast. Thank god I avoided their drama!

Alig reached his best high because he was dying. As a neurologist, you're aware of the chemicals that start to flood the brain at that point. It's a feeling some might describe as NIRVANA. Addicts know that they can survive without the drugs. It's like not cleaning your house for a long time. You know you're going to feel great when it's done, but the mere thought of it is overwhelming because you know the process is going to be hell. Coming off of opiates, the first thing you have to deal with is the physical withdrawal, which is like a horrible food poisoning. On top of that, you have all of these feelings that you've been numbing for years that start to bubble up to the surface. At the same time you're having these severe physical symptoms, you're having consecutive repetitive panic attacks. It's as if someone is flipping a switch on/off in your mind from mania to severe depression, every hour on the hour. You feel more exhausted than you've ever felt in your life, but you can't sleep. By day 4, you're usually so sleep-deprived that you have a difficult time separating reality from a dream. This is what addicts face when they think about quitting. They're terrified of it, so they don't. If they're lucky enough, a day will come where they realize their only options are a sickness that leads to healing, or death. I've been clean from opiates for 14 years. I lost my mother and my brother to overdoses. Losing my brother was my wake-up call. To anyone suffering, if you're reading this, you can do it. I got through it with meditation, refocusing, daydreaming, watching movies, writing, drawing, listening to music, and melatonin. I would meditate for an hour before trying to sleep, and I was able to get about 5 hours of sleep each night. Experiment and find out what makes those days easier for you.

It might be hard for us to understand to the degree that sociopaths do not like people. they have no issues with killing someone they knew, letting the body sit in the house for a week, and dumping it in a river. Then, they'll laugh about dumping the body 20 years ago. They are delighted in their behavior.

In my experience, people don't want to die, or even want to get high or drunk. People want to not be in pain, and everything else is just a symptom of that. They may not even be aware that that is the reason for their death impulse or addiction, but deep down, it always comes to pain. That is not an excuse, but it's something that mental health professionals and the judicial system seem to not understand most of the time.

I think he looked at his Actual Life as if he was in a movie. As if none of it was real, it was all a performance... It seems like he was completely detached from the reality of what he was experiencing

I spent loads of time in NYC clubs in the late 80's just to go dancing. People like Alig are/were so common in that world. So exhausting and comical in their childish need for attention. Warhol was the same.

What an intelligent statement: "Dark humour works to diffuse emotions like fear or sadness. But not remorse." "Dark humour" is not meant to be an aid to people with an interest in committing crimes or cruelty, especially ego driven crimes. Listening to Alig make those comments and then say "just dark humour mate', rings just the same as the frats boys laughing about raping insensibly intoxicated girls and then saying "You just don't get our humour".

I'm gay and I remember at the time how creeped out I was by these club people. They used to get a lot of attention in certain media and a lot of people were highly amused and fascinated by them, but I found them horrifying. Having observed them, I couldn't help thinking that they were horrible people and I wanted to stay as far away from them as possible.

Your, like, one sentence description of how each of the Cluster B disorders functions and how they differ is the best I've ever heard it. Please do get to videos just on this topic! 👏

Retired prosecutor here, Dr. vdV. I appreciate your take on cases and incidents and thank you for the lessons you provide. Keep up the good work.

Angel was a good friend of mine, and the way that his murder was made into a joke still angers me. Michael never should have been let free. His nonchalant attitude about the murder is proof of it. He's proud of it and enjoys bragging about Angel's murder.

I met this guy once back in like 1995 (?) in NYC at Limelight. He was a mess. That whole crew was kind of gross.

Deliberate descent into madness... i do think they subconsciously seek actual death... because they're alive-dead, like vampires.

I'm really looking forward to your Cluster B video. My mom is a classic case. She is a compulsive liar and stole money from me when I was a teenager. She also tried to steal money from my brother. Unfortunately I eventually had to cut off contact with her.

i knew most of these people. just a lot of warhol wannabes. and we all did most of the same drugs. we saw the club kids as mostly a joke. it was a wonderful, hedonistic time for most of us. michael wanted attention. good and bad and your giving it too him. my first boyfriend was best friends with the guy michael killed. i had no idea about the club kids. or the murder. and remember putting up flyers in nyc with him asking his where abouts. and some people in the know already knew it was just a drug thing gone way too far. nyc had 3000 murders a year at that time. most due to the crack epidemic. i then backed off and went on my own. and basically learned early on the club kids were slimeballs and avoid them.

I think you nailed his pathology on the head. I used to chat with Ernie Glam, michaels friend and former roommate. He told me that Michael had this tortured quality about him that no matter how successful or how popular or how fabulous he was, there was part of him that would never find happiness and stability and calmness. He was always attracted to the drama and the disarray.

As a person who suffers from BPD, i would really love it if people like you would try to teach the general public a little bit more about what BPD is and how unique it is on every person. There is so much stigma painting us as terrible, irredeemable people. Some of us actively do the work to try to get better... There is a ton of information out there and people don't even realize the difference between BPD and NPD.

Gabor Maté's theories are perhaps useful here, that addiction is rooted in unresolved trauma. Speaking as a gay man of that generation, Michael Alig is sadly an all too familiar type. Alig said he was badly bullied as a kid for being gay. I've seen it so many times - the effects of it are catastrophic. It leaves the victim with self hatred, toxic shame, and underlying anger at the way they were treated. They then tend to drift into drug use and / or promiscuous sex as a means to dull the pain and in some cases to punish themselves. Histrionic behaviour is also an absolutely classic symptom. "Please like me because I'm incapable of liking myself and there's a huge aching hole in my soul that I can't handle". The breakup of his family at a young age will also have been a big destabilising factor. Speaking to a friend who was a heavy ketamin user, he said he used it as a means to escape from his own self hatred. I suppose in that respect it is a death drive.

This a very insightful and thorough investigation into the psyche of Michael Alig Dr. vdV and I learned a lot and gained a new perspective on Alig and what may have propelled some of his behaviors and (at least some of) his actions. As you noted, Alig is inconsistent in his narrative concerning the events that transpired and his manipulation of those he was either speaking to or being interviewed by and I'd like to state another reason which (is not mentioned) and one that not many know of and I am only stating this as (for one) it is mentioned in "Glory Daze" and the fact that only 1 member involved in this grizzly case (Freeze) is still alive..What is NEVER mentioned in videos, films, interviews, etc involving Alig, those involved and the murder is that there was a "fourth person in Michael's apartment during the murder!". This person was Michael's boyfriend (now deceased) and was Hidden from all parties concerned and even came forward with a "different version of events", which forced Alig and Freeze's attorneys to "jump at a plea bargain" and this person was "Daniel Auster", son of author Paul Auster and his version of events are Not the version we have all heard and the fact that he never testified, we cannot attest to the validity of his claims, which was that Michael and Freeze were NOT "attacked", nor responded in "self defense", but that Alig and Freeze planned to "Rob and Murder Angel" and by doing so would not only clear up Alig's "drug debt", but line their pockets with whatever money and drugs were on Angel!. Apparently (after the fact), Daniel was given "hush money" and told to "leave NY", though obviously his conscience got the best of him (if this version of events is true) and came forward with his story, but for whatever reason never testified and a plea bargain was struck!..Daniel Auster died a year ago of an overdose (like Alig), 11 days after being convicted of the death of his daughter, who apparently had (somehow) "ingested some of his supply" and with him died his version of events regarding the death of Angel Melendez!.. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing whether the death of Angel was the "accidental mishap" Alig has always claimed, or a "premeditated robbery/murder?". The difference in these stories would have meant a difference between a sentence of "10-20 years" or the possibility of the "death penalty!"…. Regardless of what truly transpired that day, a great many things can happen (and be justified) when hard drugs/addiction are involved, but it takes a certain type of person to "dismember and dispose of a body" as Alig did and that is (obviously) Not something one can blame on "drug use!"... Excuse my lengthy rambling, but I felt the need to point out a series of events that most are unaware of!.. The film "Glory Daze" can be streamed Free online and it's certainly worth a watch for anyone interested in this topic, the Club Kids and the whole "darker side" of the club scene and the death of NY nightclubs and the Club Kids!..

Don't forget the dragkid Desmond is amazing is allowed and has been allowed to spend time with this man alone.