Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth | Adia Gooden | TEDxDePaulUniversity

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Published 2018-05-30

When a person demands perfection of herself or himself, anything less can feel like failure. Adia Gooden knows this from experience. In addition to her work as a staff psychologist at the University of Chicago, she’s learned in her own life how to break negative thought patterns and live more freely. She shares those lessons in her talk: “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth.”

Gooden is a licensed clinical psychologist. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Stanford University and her doctorate in clinical community psychology from DePaul College of Science and Health in 2013. Gooden is currently a staff psychologist and coordinator for multicultural outreach and support at The University of Chicago’s Student Counseling Service. In this role, she provides individual, group and couple therapy to undergraduate and graduate students. She also conducts outreach workshops for students of color and continuing education training for clinicians on working with black clients. Gooden authors a blog focused on promoting mental health among black women. She speaks and writes about black women, black couples, black youth and mental health. Gooden is a licensed clinical psychologist. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Stanford University and her doctorate in clinical community psychology from DePaul College of Science and Health in 2013. Gooden is currently a staff psychologist and coordinator for multicultural outreach and support at The University of Chicago’s Student Counseling Service. In this role, she provides individual, group and couple therapy to undergraduate and graduate students. She also conducts outreach workshops for students of color and continuing education training for clinicians on working with black clients. Gooden authors a blog focused on promoting mental health among black women. She speaks and writes about black women, black couples, black youth and mental health. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

All Comments (21)

@tianna1817 5 years ago

1. Forgiveness 2. Self acceptance 3. Be there for yourself 4. Connect with supportive people
@charmedprince 5 years ago

If I'd be perfect, then I'd be happy raise ya hands if you knew this feeling
@Lavidadeyari 3 years ago

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a baby. With love.
@ashleydaniels2717 5 years ago

"What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?"
@camez2345 4 years ago

It makes me a little sad to see a lot of comments mentioning the speaker's looks, that's she's beautiful. And of course, yes, she really is. But it sort of takes away from the point she's making, and also reinforces this thing that we as women keep doing to ourselves and each other and then in our dark moments feel bad about: equating physical appearance with inherent goodness, like, "How could she have had low self-worth when she's so beautiful?" Well, that's just the point. If we say beautiful equals worthy or even partially equals worthy, then we've missed the point of "worthy" and are perpetuating its being tied to actual traits.
@KaiIchiRu96 2 years ago

I wanted to share this with you guys: In German we have the Word “self-worth” and a separate word for the thing, the feeling Adia mentioned- like a ">sense< of self-worth”. Because our own self worth never changes, just our own sense or feeling towards it. :) Have a good journey, folks We’re all in this together 🌻
@sgreen9088 5 years ago

Self-worth is truly a continuous process. I've been working on mine. When the question is asked, "Why are you still single in your 30's?" Society is trying to put me in a box. My self-worth journey is helping me to come out of that box.
@artchemist4460 5 years ago

So I have always been questioning why I had such low self-esteem despite all my achievements. Now i know that I have high self-esteem but low self-worth.
@michelleforte8669 5 years ago

This was me; and still me, but I am working on it. Self-love is so important.
@alyssatravis1494 5 years ago

This video had me sobbing for a full 15 minutes. She's incredibly emotionally literate and a wonderful speaker. I also loveee that she's from Chicago!
@meganbrown2129 2 years ago

EDITED 2 years and 5 months sober! I am overwhelmed with the love from so many of you from all over and I thank you for taking the time out of your day to wish me well. It hasn’t been easy but I will never give up on myself again.!!! and still fighting! The best decision I ever made after 20+ years of drug addiction- lost my family and life to drugs. Fighting addiction for many years I hit a bad rock bottom and thankfully got into treatment learning I had to finally come to accept myself flaws and all. Made a step to better MYSELF 147 days sober and in love with learning I am worthy and beautiful…I am learning each day self love is far more important than any love from a relationship. Thank you for this truly inspiring speech 💜🙏🏼 (UPDATE) I love all the msgs and support So grateful and so glad I am finally living the life I’ve dreamed of! Thank you to everyone who has been sending msgs
@metasebi 3 years ago

SUMMARY of her 4 ways of cultivating unconditional self-worth: 1. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Acknowledge the situation that led to your mistake and say „I forgive me“ in an honest and kind way. 2. Practice self-acceptance. Let go of your thoughts how you think you should be. Embrace the things you like about yourself as well as the things you think others may not like. You are worthy just the way you are. 3. Be there for yourself when life gets rough. Acknowledge your emotional pain and say nice things to yourself. 4. Connect with supportive people.
@muythaimutha 4 years ago

If I could just find someone to love me then I would finally feel worthy .......I wonder how many of us have been there before ....I've wasted too much time chasing self worth in things that have nothing to do with true self worth.
@memeplex0 4 years ago

I'm trying to live a life that expresses me rather than seeking to justify me. It's such a brutal habit to break. Thank you for all your hard work!
@ylsflv 3 years ago

"As soon as I reached the bar I had set for my worth, it was raised" goodness, this struck me
@taylorcavin2707 4 years ago

Accept “your unusual ways of thinking about things” I felt that
@calymack421 4 years ago

i believe in its all self talk. no pill can fix it. i healed my self through self talk in order to shape my perspective on life.
@Atlanta718 5 years ago

1. Forgive your self Acknowledge and accept your mistakes 2. Love yourself We try to fit the mold, embrace your quirks. 3. Be there for yourself during tough times. I see you, I'm here. Comfort and kind words 4. Connect to others Challenges will come Dance floor - 💃💃💃
@viktorlindqvist5308 2 years ago

I've never believed in the concept of perfection. I had a strong sense of self-worth as a child, but lost it growing up to be a teenager and then to be a man. As a child I wasn't confident per se, I just didn't doubt my own worth. I could look at my faults and with a cheerful smile say; "Yup, I'm short and weak.". I was emotionally open and available to those around me, for all the good and the bad it brought me. Now I sit here closed up and stunted behind my computer screen. I can still say "Yup, I'm short and weak.". But it isn't with a smile. I still am not confident, but now I hardly believe in my own self-worth. Rationally I know it is there, emotionally I don't. Why even write this comment? It doesn't solve the problem, but I do believe it is somewhat vindicating to put yourself and your issues out there for the world to see. And looking at myself I do suppose I still possess that feeling of self-worth deep down, it is simply hidden under a bush of twisted thorns. In a way it is equal parts frustrating and relieving. Knowing it is there, but unable to reach out due to a fear of the pain.
@marif2993 4 years ago

1. What would you find the courage to do if you knew you were worthy? 2. What would you dare to dream if your self worth wasn’t at stake? 3. What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?”