Struggling To Get Stuff Done? Maybe It’s More Than Motivation

Get the app I used in the video for my weekly planning here: www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd They’re offering a 14-day free trial if you use my link and are ADHD-friendly, so they don’t need you to put a credit card before you start. I recommend giving it a try for your 2024 planning!

People also forget being able to prioritize is a skill too. That’s something so many of us struggle with

I feel you on flailing around trying to do 15 things at once. I want to write code, and do computer sided design, and 3d print things, and work on cars, and play D&D, and play video games, and read a bunch of books, and learn a bunch of stuff from YouTube, and keep up on tv shows and movies, and be successful, and maintain relationships, and be healthy, and build things, and know everything about rockets, and oh my god why am I falling apart??

Forgetting you were going to talk about forgetfulness is next-level ADHD humor 😂 Loved this video!!!

Exactly. Exhaustion is there and money is not. Aaand the perfectionism.

When it comes to time planning, I have only two modes. A) I have plenty of time; that’s way in the future or B) it’s too late. For A, there’s not the sense of urgency to do it, and for B, I’m too overwhelmed that I’ve already failed (see: perfectionism). You may notice that both states are not conducive to getting the thing done. I don’t think I have ever once felt like I have exactly the right amount of time to do things. Anyone else stuck with this dichotomy? The real trip is when the thing somehow bounces back and forth between the extremes in the same hour, minute, or even thought. It’s a nightmare for my nervous system.

I feel like I had an epiphany watching this video. I've always chalked up struggling to get things done as a lack of motivation even when the motivation was 100% there. Keeping these things in mind might make it easier to be kind to myself and address the barriers that are actually in my way instead of trying to get more motivated and force myself to jump over them.

I've been in therapy for 8 months now and, at first, I thought I was mostly going in for ADHD. Turns out, while that's certainly part of my issues, the fallout from ADHD is actually worse than ADHD itself. Namely, the crippling perfectionism and self-berating that I've developed as a hedge against ADHD. I know my ADHD tends to mean I make "mistakes" so I swing so far in the opposite direction (perfectionism) to "balance" it out. Well obviously then the bar for "successfully" doing anything becomes insurmountably high and any deviation from perfect I perceive means I'm a complete failure. So I end up just avoiding this cycle of berating myself by just...avoiding doing anything. I'm not avoiding the thing itself, like going on a walk, I'm avoiding the impossible standards I hold myself to and inevitable "failure". There, I just saved everyone months of time and money from therapy haha

I feel like it’s all connected: we don’t have the required skill to do something so we procrastinate to avoid failure (we all know that adhders have this fear of rejection and failing) so we never end up doing the thing

This is SO eloquently stated!!! I feel like you've given a voice to all my brain's attempts to explain to non-ADHD people why we can struggle over "easy" things. It's not that we don't care, it's not that we don't want to, it's not that it's not important! It's so incredibly hard to explain how we can get "stuck" or seem to do the opposite of what we insist we sincerely want to do! Thank you SO much for explaining this in a way that both ADHD and non-ADHD people can understand!

Having ADHD, and having had a brain tumour removed 3.5 years ago, my biggest problem in doing something is forgetfulness, not motivation. Where the tumour was, affected about 5-6 areas of my brain, and I'm still working on getting those in order... and there are things that I will never recall again. Right now, I know I need to do dishes, but forgot and got down a rabbit hole... so I'm now off to do dishes :)

I think it is sometimes not only the lack of skill, but to think that you don't have the skill. Or the fear to fail which can be paralyzing. And I have different motivation levels at different times of the day. In the evening, I always plan a perfectly structured, efficient, productive next day in the evening and I am super hyped and motivated when I think of this next day. Then it's the next day and my plan falls apart as soon as I get out of bed too late. Or when I should start my first task. I'm still searching for a way, to take this motivation over the night into the next day.

A huge one for me is clarity. I need to know the end goal and I need to know the steps to get there. If I don’t then the motivation is ded. This is hurt my career a ton early on, but as I’ve gotten older it’s actually an asset. It forces me into healthier work patterns, and it serves as a warning sign. If something is “off” in a project my brain is sending alarms.

Skill gaps are why I didn’t know how to care for my home as an adult. I knew some pieces, but not a lot of them. Listening to others on podcasts (audio and video ones) has helped me learn how to make things into a routine and easier for myself to do, so I’m more able to do things in my home care tasks. I don’t know about the etiquette of sharing the name of the other people, so will wait to be asked.

The resource gap is such a debilitating issue. I could probably have gotten my horrible bedroom organized earlier but beyond having to figure out the best containers for the job, I have to buy a few at a time, and from what I can find at garage sales, discount stores, Goodwill, etc...anything anywhere else has to be the cheapest, or I have to be SURE I'm going to use it. Then I had to untangle ALL the issue I've been having (eating, medicine taking, bedroom, hygiene, etc) and figure out that I just need to focus on medicine/eating/hygiene for now to keep myself healthy and get energy in my body, starting with meal prepping...and only started meal prepping when I found a variety pack of Ziploc containers at a discount store and a website that tells me what I can make with what's already in my pantry. And also it took a week to start. 😂 Ugh. It's all overwhelming.

Sitting here having put off a few assignments until the very last minute and your video pops up in my notifications. 😂

To me, the hardest part on ADHD is in how when I “don’t want” to do something (but must do), it turns out that the level of difficulty goes waaaaaaaayyyyy up to the heavens, and im left like 🙂 Internal screams happen

I just got officially diagnosed with ADHD last week, and I’m 40. It still feels weird to say it. However, I feel sort of proud of myself. If I’ve had ADHD this whole time, then I must already have some good systems in place that have helped me before I had a name for my struggle. But hearing you articulate the different challenges in getting things done also helps me understand WHY my systems work. Knowing that a task I can’t do at night is easier in the morning when I have more energy is great. Knowing that I have more energy in the morning BECAUSE my brain is just burned out at night is gold. It’s not a matter of laziness or not caring; it’s resource management. And I can plan for that.

I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago at the age of 33, and I'm still trying to get my head around so much of it. The exhaustion definitely resonates, as today I was intending to do some laundry and some other self-care bits like washing my hair... I've slept most of the day after doing 2 days of work coz, I guess, I needed to recharge. But that hasn't stopped me feeling guilty for "wasting the day" even though realistically, I know rest is what my body and mind has needed today 🥲 This video couldn't have popped up at a better time, and your other videos have definitely been helping me navigate my diagnosis and experience. So thank you for sharing your experiences with us 💜

I love what you said about "caring too much." It's something that happens a lot for me and usually just ends with me not doing the thing